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I'm just in a spiral of mixed feelings. Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    Sorry if you sort of see this as a rant, but I just want to get this feeling out of me.

    First of all, people are avoiding me. For no absolute reason. I'm literally breaking down in the middle of school classes and having to go to the bathroom so I wouldn't be embarrassed into crying in the middle of class. Since I have anxiety issues, this just makes it harder for me to focus on studies.
    Next, you've got the family who hardly understands you. My family is multilingual between Cantonese and English, however even though Cantonese was my first language it is much worse than my English and it's hard to communicate with parents who don't speak that much English sometimes. So I kinda have no where to share my feelings but here.
    And then finally, this one person who I really admired started giving so much attention to others and suddenly not really talking to me is a bit hard on me. Like I broke my own pencil when I thought of these three things together (I'm sorry Mr. Pencil).
    I haven't done anything wrong that I can think of, and I'm just walking around school looking pitiful (which I hate) and lonely, and then teachers ending up asking me what's wrong or what's happened recently. Of course, I don't really tell them anything because I don't speak to teachers too often (I'm sorry, but many teachers bother me in a way that they sometimes threaten using your grades and reports as a punishment for doing something personally wrong).

    I really have no idea what to feel or what to do.
    • #2

    I'm so sorry for hearing that.

    It's a complex situation and it all depends on how you relate to those people and how you feel about it - no one who doesn't experience it can really tell you what to do. However, I'll just write a few things I see as crucial if you're living what you're describing.

    First of all, do not blame or get hard on yourself. If you're sure you haven't done anything wrong, you don't have to add an extra problem. And even if you did so: you can't know what you've done wrong if people don't let you know. You can try and ask them. It doesn't have to be a direct question and/or in person; you can talk calmly with them by message and listen carefully what they say and how they say it, or look closely how they act. Gather any clue about what's going on in their minds, but try not to misunderstand them. Whatever's making them acting like that can even not be related to you, it can be not because of you.

    Try not to feel bad because you're in this undesirable situation. Indeed, you should try to relax in order to see things more clearly, from other perspective. I suffer from anxiety too and these kind of problems tend to blind me and add a lot of pressure I didn't have and certainly don't need. Pressure makes you feel worse, makes it more difficult to think and make decisions and creates a dangerous vicious circle. If you can't help but thinking about it, do something you'd enjoy to get distracted for a while.

    You said you wanted that feeling out of you. That's a thing. If you have someone you can trust enought to tell him/her how you're feeling about this situation, do it. Just the fact of getting to express yourself and being heard will make you feel better. Besides, this person may help you to understand the situation in a different way and help you downplay and solve it.

    The family issue may be a little more complicated. If I had to tell you something, I'd say that in my case, even though we speak the same languages, they don't understand me quite well either. That's why we don't talk too much about feelings and stuff, and even if we did, that wouldn't make a huge difference. Sometimes older people dispise our problems because they don't take us seriously. That's why I said it'd be easier if you had some friend or acquaintance to talk to.

    Anyway, it's normal to feel frustrated. And I'm sorry I don't have anything more to tell you, more than these words you may have already though about. Nevertheless, how ever you choose to act about it, do not make it much more complicated to yourself. Breath and stay calm.
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