Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Boyfriend refuses to get tested or wear a condom? Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    OK so, we've both discussed our sexual past before so we had a rough idea and we're meeting soon. I told him I'm a virgin (which I am) and he said that absolutely fine he believes me, and he told me he only ever had sex with the one person at 13 (he's now 20) but he said he wouldn't even consider that as his first time so I said that's fine I trust him. I know he wouldn't sleep around since we're literally skyping each other every minute. But just because of the way I was raised I asked him if he could prove to me 100% on paper he was clean just as a precaution, then I would ditch the condoms cause I'm on the pill, and knowing he would be STD free would give me such a relief. He then got angry and said that he wouldn't ever lie about something like this, what's the point and all this stuff about how I don't believe him. He then agreed and said I will do it as long as it isn't too time consuming but he was still getting upset at how he thought I had 0 trust for him thinking he slept around and stuff. Do you think I should of waited to ask or shouldn't have bothered at all? I even said even though I've been with no one I'll test with you if it helps and he said no it's fine I trust you. I can tell he has a great amount of trust for me but I just want to play it safe.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK so, we've both discussed our sexual past before so we had a rough idea and we're meeting soon. I told him I'm a virgin (which I am) and he said that absolutely fine he believes me, and he told me he only ever had sex with the one person at 13 (he's now 20) but he said he wouldn't even consider that as his first time so I said that's fine I trust him. I know he wouldn't sleep around since we're literally skyping each other every minute. But just because of the way I was raised I asked him if he could prove to me 100% on paper he was clean just as a precaution, then I would ditch the condoms cause I'm on the pill, and knowing he would be STD free would give me such a relief. He then got angry and said that he wouldn't ever lie about something like this, what's the point and all this stuff about how I don't believe him. He then agreed and said I will do it as long as it isn't too time consuming but he was still getting upset at how he thought I had 0 trust for him thinking he slept around and stuff. Do you think I should of waited to ask or shouldn't have bothered at all? I even said even though I've been with no one I'll test with you if it helps and he said no it's fine I trust you. I can tell he has a great amount of trust for me but I just want to play it safe.

    He is being immature. Do not sleep with him without protection until you know he is clean. Boys say stuff al the time. he could even have an STD without knowing it. You are the one who will have to deal with it if he is infected.

    Also note the pill isnt 100%.

    I would just get tested at the same time, then he cant moan. If he isnt willing, then either dont stop insisting on condoms or just dump him for being an immature selfish idiot. If he had something like Aids or Herpes then he could ruin your life. Dont let his sulking override your common sense.
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    and we're meeting soon.
    Is this someone you haven't seen in person yet? If that's the case, it's a good idea to be particularly cautious.

    I told him I'm a virgin (which I am) and he said that absolutely fine he believes me, and he told me he only ever had sex with the one person at 13 (he's now 20)
    A slight eyebrow raise at this, both at the 'absolutely fine he believes me' - why on Earth wouldn't he? - and the 'had sex at 13, but not for the past seven years' bit.

    But just because of the way I was raised I asked him if he could prove to me 100% on paper he was clean just as a precaution, then I would ditch the condoms cause I'm on the pill, and knowing he would be STD free would give me such a relief. He then got angry and said that he wouldn't ever lie about something like this, what's the point and all this stuff about how I don't believe him.
    Outside of testing him now and locking him in solitary confinement for about a month, there are no 100% proof. There's also no 100% reliable contraception. So the question becomes, 'What's safe enough for me?' You know the answer to that: you want to use condoms unless he tests.

    Here, you have someone who wants to have sex with you, but only on his terms and getting upset when you question him. In general, that's a bad sign, but for your first time, it's a really bad sign.

    Anyone old enough to be sexual with someone else should know that there are people who will lie to get the sex that they want. He may not be lying, but 'just' behaving like a toddler. Neither is good.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    Your sexual health is important and he shouldn't have taken offence at you asking him to get tested. If he continues making an issue out of it I would get rid.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    There's an imbalance in this situation:

    He can be sure that you have no STD's, whereas you cannot say the same for him. Any partner worth sleeping with would understand that.

    I wouldn't trust him further than I could throw him, or his unlikely 7 years of interim celibacy.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK so, we've both discussed our sexual past before so we had a rough idea and we're meeting soon. I told him I'm a virgin (which I am) and he said that absolutely fine he believes me, and he told me he only ever had sex with the one person at 13 (he's now 20) but he said he wouldn't even consider that as his first time so I said that's fine I trust him. I know he wouldn't sleep around since we're literally skyping each other every minute. But just because of the way I was raised I asked him if he could prove to me 100% on paper he was clean just as a precaution, then I would ditch the condoms cause I'm on the pill, and knowing he would be STD free would give me such a relief. He then got angry and said that he wouldn't ever lie about something like this, what's the point and all this stuff about how I don't believe him. He then agreed and said I will do it as long as it isn't too time consuming but he was still getting upset at how he thought I had 0 trust for him thinking he slept around and stuff. Do you think I should of waited to ask or shouldn't have bothered at all? I even said even though I've been with no one I'll test with you if it helps and he said no it's fine I trust you. I can tell he has a great amount of trust for me but I just want to play it safe.
    Don't be a fool. STDs can range from mild inconvenience, to terminal illnesses.

    One kid with his feelings hurt doesn't outweigh responsible sexual health and awareness.

    Tell him to get tested if you don't trust him enough, then have him use a condom every time during sex, as well as you using the pill.

    Pills aren't 100% effective in stopping pregnancy - neither are condoms. Combine the two and lessen the chance.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I think you have done the right think by asking him for the test,it is important to take all precautions before having sex it is important and sometimes are not aware whether they are infected or not so it is better to be careful and he must try to understand you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK so, we've both discussed our sexual past before so we had a rough idea and we're meeting soon. I told him I'm a virgin (which I am) and he said that absolutely fine he believes me, and he told me he only ever had sex with the one person at 13 (he's now 20) but he said he wouldn't even consider that as his first time so I said that's fine I trust him. I know he wouldn't sleep around since we're literally skyping each other every minute. But just because of the way I was raised I asked him if he could prove to me 100% on paper he was clean just as a precaution, then I would ditch the condoms cause I'm on the pill, and knowing he would be STD free would give me such a relief. He then got angry and said that he wouldn't ever lie about something like this, what's the point and all this stuff about how I don't believe him. He then agreed and said I will do it as long as it isn't too time consuming but he was still getting upset at how he thought I had 0 trust for him thinking he slept around and stuff. Do you think I should of waited to ask or shouldn't have bothered at all? I even said even though I've been with no one I'll test with you if it helps and he said no it's fine I trust you. I can tell he has a great amount of trust for me but I just want to play it safe.

    You have a duty of care for both yourself and your partner. Asking for proof of a sexual health check is what EVERYONE should be doing prior to engaging in sexual activity, not just for the first time, but anytime they encounter a new partner.

    On that basis, if he is getting upset about all this, just kindly tell him that you will wait until he is ready. Then don't come back to the subject unless he approaches it. It could be that his ego and pride is hurt, which is understandable as we live in a society that loves nothing more than drunk sex without warning or precautions.

    If you are happy with the rest of the relationship/dating, then peruse him and enjoy other forms of intimacy such as cuddling, movies etc.

    Just stay grounded on this one
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 5, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Break up or unrequited love?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.