My parent is having an affair, what do I do. :(

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    Right so, my parent is not behaving like a parent + I don't know what to do.

    He's behaving like a child.

    Like an idiotic child who has no sense of awareness.

    I've tried to express my concern regarding his pathetic decisions but it isn't helping.

    Ive tried to talk to him about it in my serious-adult voice, but that isn't helping either.

    I'm not even sure I can do anything about it all bc it feels as though it's out of my own control.

    So the other day we were parking our car + I told him that it's really frustrating me + I expressed how much I can't focus bc of it + he said that I shouldn't worry about it, that I should stop thinking about it + casually went onto ask what I wanted for lunch.

    He keeps saying that it's HIS business so I shouldn't be concerned but I don't think he realises that it's MY business too.

    He thinks he's being comforting bc he speaks in this consoling tone + when I get really heated he proceeds to talk about stupid advertisements or offers me stuff that I don't even want as a way to divert attention.

    Also, he involves me in it only when it suits him.

    Proving it's my business.

    Even though I don't actually want it to be.

    I don't even think it's an affair bc my parent is not married, I don't know what it is or how to describe it.

    He's basically dating a woman who's already in a relationship.

    For ease of explanation let's call the woman, Petal + the man, Stem.

    The absolute, absolute worst thing is that on Saturday, i.e. yesterday, he invited the couple for the day + thus for dinner so all 4 of us sat there at the table whilst Stem was completely unaware of this relationship between Petal + my father.

    I felt incredibly uncomfortable bc not only were they flirting throughout the entire meal but Stem didn't even notice.

    It makes me sick.

    I just feel sorry for Stem but I don't know what to do.

    I also feel equally sorry for my parent bc this is not the way to go about finding a new relationship.

    Additionally, I am worried about the consequences.

    Also Petal + my parent have been seeing each other without Stem knowing.

    Like, they see each other all the time.

    My father visits Petal in the evenings at least twice a week + returns at, like, 1-3am when he has work the next day.

    Infact, last weekend he got back at 5am + woke me up at 5-FRICKING-AM.

    What is he playing at.

    Petal also comes round + acts as though I want to get to know her when I totally do not.

    Yes, she's nice.

    No, I don't want her niceness inflicted upon me.

    They must both think I'm an idiot or something bc when she comes round my father tells me that they're working through business stuff but I know they're not.

    In addition, when they visited yesterday, Petal + my father went out to sort out Petal's car whilst me + Stem were at home.

    They went out all alone for over 3 hours.

    The entire situation is really irritating me but I feel rather helpless.

    I find it hard to accept.

    It's all utterly disgraceful + I can't even.

    Stem was fine with it; he thought my father was just helping Petal out with stuff so I spent the entire afternoon talking to Stem about my life whilst drinking copious amounts of peach juice.

    They took so long that Stem had to take me out for lunch.

    He's such a lovely person.

    I don't understand why my parent is doing this.

    It also meant that I couldn't do any of my work bc I was too busy tending for my parent's guest.

    I currently still can't do my work bc I can't stop thinking about it.

    I have so much to do + the thought of not completing it by the end of tonight is getting overwhelming.

    This therefore means that I am most likely going to die tomorrow.

    I'm rather stressed out.

    The only reason I am posting this is bc I've been sitting here since 9am like: :dong:

    + to make it worse, Stem + my father are good friends.

    Quite good friends.

    + I thought I was bad.

    Literally wtf.

    I'd talk to my sibling about it but my sibling is not here.

    I don't want to call her for advice + tell her everything bc she's currently abroad + has more important things to do right now + I don't want to ruin anything for her bc that is unfair.

    Like, I LITERALLY HAVE NO ONE TO SHARE THIS WITH BUT I NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST.

    If you're wondering how I know then it's bc my parent basically told me a couple months ago that he was going to get married.

    I won't go into how I felt about that which I now realise was a fine suggestion + I was being partially unreasonable bc everyone has their needs + ways to cope but anyway he made me meet Petal then I later discovered that Petal is already married/has a boyfriend/I don't know.

    It's not even about him dating anymore bc I realise that I am not a child + can't have him to myself all the time, but heck, this woman has got an entire family.

    Did I forget to mention the three children.

    If my father was to ever get into a relationship then I'd prefer it not be a morally illegal one or one that involves other children.

    I do not wish for anymore siblings.

    Infact, that'd deeply upset me.

    More than I could ever describe.

    I didn't even want to meet Petal.

    Why on earth would I want to meet her.

    But I put my selfishness aside + did it for my father.

    For what? To realise that it was all infact a lie + there is/was no marriage.

    Lmao at my entire life being on this forum.

    I just feel so ashamed + confused that my parent is being so... Uh.

    A couple weeks ago, my parent ordered me to go to my friend's house for a couple days so he could invite Petal over.

    I didn't want to go bc I wanted to be left alone.

    He apparently couldn't invite Petal to his house bc of these various stupid reasons like the house is too messy + Petal lives closer to me.

    Despite the fact that I'm pretty sure my house was even messier.

    I also didn't want him to prioritise this stranger over me.

    Yet he evidently did.

    It was shortly after results day so as much as I love my friends' company, I was feeling tremendously awful + didn't want to interact with the world.

    Or leave my room.

    Or my house.

    Or my anything.

    I didn't want to speak to a single soul.

    But he wouldn't stop asking so I eventually just gave in.

    Admittedly, it did me lots + lots of good but I can't believe that he requested such a thing.

    I also can't believe I agreed to it.

    I wish I hadn't.

    The thought of the two of them makes my skin crawl.

    Also, my parent is going abroad soon for work stuff + since Petal is more/less his work colleague he is going to go with Petal.

    Stem is going to be in England.

    Firstly, I'm already terribly upset at the prospect of my parent leaving for several months.. which I do understand can't be helped.

    But then if that wasn't enough he's going away with someone else's girlfriend.

    Wtf.

    I don't even want to cry anymore, I just think I need.. I don't even know what I need.

    If you do comment in this thread, pls be respectful bc just bc.

    If you don't comment in this thread bc you don't know how to help me then.. I don't blame you, this is a mere rant + I don't know how to help myself.

    **** the lentils.
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    (Original post by Anon_98)
    Wtf.
    My thoughts exactly
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    I'm a bit confused. So your dad is seeing petal. Petal is the woman. Stem is the man married to Petal? could you just clear that up?

    Edit: yeah ok i get it. ****ing tell the guy- Stem or whatever his name is. Break them up, who cares. be selfish for once.
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    Tell her husband

    God damn that woman is an evil piece of sh*t.
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    Honestly, this is what I would do.

    I would contact Stem privately and let him know that his partner is having an affair. You don't have to say that it's with your father, just clarify that Stems partner is having an affair. This will a) ensure that Stem doesn't get too harmed before the affair escalates over time, and b) will put your mind at rest a little.

    If you wanted to contact Stem anonymously and let him know that his wife is having an affair (so he doesn't know you are contacting him, and will prevent your father being a prime suspect - if he knew you were telling him then he would suspect its with your father, which could get your father beaten up/in trouble). You could send a text message via skype (buy £1 skype credit or something), or go on other sites to send people messages anonymously. Heck, you could even create a throwaway email address and message Stem that way.

    Who cares if the woman gets in trouble, she is cheating on Stem. Stem deserves to know. If you message him and he knows its from you, your father will be a prime suspect of Stem's - why else would it be you contacting him and not someone else.
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    Talk to Petals husband/boyfriend because it's not okay for someone to do this.
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    Talk to Petal and tell her what she is doing is wrong. If your dad won't listen, try to talk to Petal. Make her realise that this whole scenario would ruin her three children's lives so she should put her personal feelings aside and make sure that she sorts out her feelings with Stem for her children's sake.

    I can understand how daunting and annoying this must be but hopefully this scenario will be sorted when Petal figures out this isn't right at all.

    Good luck!
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    Join in.
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    ffs have you not heard about paragraphs?
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    Ok I read it all. You do appear to be getting yourself more worked up than you need be. You dont indicate your age or situation.
    Presumably there is only your father around and that your mum is no longer around for whatever reason.

    I have it as a general rule bever to interfere in peoples relationships. You could ofc tell stem, but that would mean everything then goes ballistic. he may already know or suspect. If you dont tell, then you cnat be blamed. Toy have already told your father that its foolish and doesnt get your approval, but he chooses to ignore you.

    I would just get on with life. You seem heavily involved and thin you are a participant. I dont think you are. Ovciously it affects you, but he isnt going to listen.

    The better strategy is to bunker on down, dont waste energy worrying and get on with your own life with a view to eventually becoming independent. If he asks you then just make it plain you disapprove and ont wnat anything to do with it. You have already told him you think its unfairly affecting you.

    It might fall apart, so dont waste energy on it , but focus on yourself imo.
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    Anon is literally one of a kind
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    (Original post by TSR Mustafa)
    Anon is literally one of a kind
    Is this a draft for a novel, or what??
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    Morally, it is f*cked up. I’d personally tell Stem anonymously, maybe slip a note or something. However, that does put A LOT of pressure on you and might eat away at you, but imo poor Stem is going to feel a lot worse when he finds out and you already said it’s been going on for months, so your father and Petal don’t seem to be figuring things out.

    BUT, telling stem might escalate the situation. If Stem and Petal break up/ divorce/ whatever, then that means there’s nothing preventing your dad and Petal moving on with things, which you don’t want. The whole situation is a ticking time bomb, eventually someone will slip up and something will happen.

    You could either do nothing and see how it plays out and it will, or anonymously tell stem, which imo is the right thing to do so should feel no guilt over it..

    It’s a sticky situation anon :beard:
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    Is this an episode of eastenders of summink?
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    why
    are
    you
    talking
    like
    this
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    As the OP's already fragmented prose grew steadily more incoherent and ultimately trailed off into a literally unintelligible stream-of-consciousness, did anyone else picture them literally hyperventilating at their keyboard?
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    sounds like stem is a loveless guy who doesn't give her attention petal craves and your father gives that attention but I'd say stem is wealthy and treats her right whereas your father isn't as wealthy
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    (Original post by S1939)
    It's not really that easy to detach yourself from your family, especially your own parents! His main job should be putting his child first, and looking after their persona growth. By the looks of thing's she'd developed depression/ anxiety because of this. He shouldn't be sneaking around and having an affair with someone's spouse anyways. That's ****ed up.
    It is actually or at least this aspect of her relaionship.
    She shouldnt worry about the things over which she has no control. He's an adult and she is a child/ dependant.
    She has already made her dissaproval known.
    What else can she do besides protect herself?
    Continuing to believe she has enough influence to change his mind is clearly not going to work, hence she should just focus on her own life, becayse he has no intetion of listening to her.

    In all likelihood it will fizzle out or be a car crash, but that should be nothing to do with her.

    I notice you go strong on the moralising about what he should be doing, but hate to break it to you, that adults do this sort of thing all the time, it doesnt have to be right, but she doesnt have any power to stop him.

    I note from your posts other than condemnation of the parent, you dont offer any constructive advice yourself. Its just name calling and pointing out in your eyes how wrong it is to have an affair. Thats not really going to help much.

    Her best course of action is to weather the storm, ignore it if she can and focus on her own independence plan i.e her schoolwork, so she can get to uni and then she wont have to put up with it.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    It is actually or at least this aspect of her relaionship.
    She shouldnt worry about the things over which she has no control. He's an adult and she is a child/ dependant.
    She has already made her dissaproval known.
    What else can she do besides protect herself?
    Continuing to believe she has enough influence to change his mind is clearly not going to work, hence she should just focus on her own life, becayse he has no intetion of listening to her.

    In all likelihood it will fizzle out or be a car crash, but that should be nothing to do with her.

    I notice you go strong on the moralising about what he should be doing, but hate to break it to you, that adults do this sort of thing all the time, it doesnt have to be right, but she doesnt have any power to stop him.

    I note from your posts other than condemnation of the parent, you dont offer any constructive advice yourself. Its just name calling and pointing out in your eyes how wrong it is to have an affair. Thats not really going to help much.

    Her best course of action is to weather the storm, ignore it if she can and focus on her own independence plan i.e her schoolwork, so she can get to uni and then she wont have to put up with it.
    True.
    My comments have been more emotive than helpful.
    Don't have much advice, so I better unwatch this thread.
    Best wishes to the OP. I hope it all works out.
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    (Original post by S1939)
    True.
    My comments have been more emotive than helpful.
    Don't have much advice, so I better unwatch this thread.
    Best wishes to the OP. I hope it all works out.
    The point was life is soemtimes pants and adults or people dont behave nicely. You cant wave a magic wand and people do what is morally right, so you have to choose the least worst option to protect your own interests.

    It will resolve utself naturally, so she just has to be patient.
 
 
 
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