Uncomfortable Hanging out with friend

I've been friends with someone for over 10 years. She is a Muslim, and a few years ago when I was 18 I converted to Islam, thinking it was something I believed in and felt comfortable 'signing' up to.

Things have changed a lot between now and then, and I find myself no longer accepting a lot of the faith. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my friend. She is a bit of a pit-bull when it comes to listening and voicing her opinion. Over the years we've had discussions on people who have left Islam, how wrong they are.. and I feel that I was embarrassingly agreeable before. Her logic is no longer my logic. Her faith is no longer my faith and I feel to tell her this would sever any friendship we have.

I just don't feel the need to believe in Eternal Judgement. It doesn't feel intellectually or emotionally truthful to profess a belief in it.

Aside from our friendship her family has helped my family out and I feel shaking the balance would bring disapproval from her mother who I respect. Her father I totally disagree with - he is the ultimate Islamofacist.

I suppose her religious beliefs are only part of our differences. I've always viewed her as being overly self interested and overly 'logical' rather than compassionate. Even the compassion she meters out has to have a logical basis.

We live far away from eachother and in the past she has invited me over. I don't feel comfortable with that, and now she rings me every day... and I like a pathetic thing ignore her calls.

I am annoyed at myself for not being straightforward, but I'm also annoyed at her for phoning every day! Her behaviour feels obsessive.

In the past when I've ignored her calls, she used to ring 10 times in one day.

It's never to check to see if something's wrong with me emotionally, it's to check if I can listen to her problems or go shopping with her/for her... help her find a coat... bitch about people... I suppose this is because I don't bring up any personal information about myself, but that's because I don't feel comfortable doing so!

I just can't be bothered with all those unfulfilling aspects of our friendship.

How do I ... man, I don't even know what I'm asking...

Any advice on the situation would be appreciated.

Reply 1

aminalia89

hold on clear this up please, do you want to stop being her friend or to tell here you are no longer muslim or both?

Reply 2

The Bishman

Tell her how you feel, if she doesnt accept this then she clearly isn't a friend.
If you really dont want to be a mulsim anymore, there is nothing stopping you, its a religon, not a 5 year contract in the army or a life sentance.

Do whatever you feel is right and don't let anyone pressure you.

Reply 3

Ang|ophi|e

A true friend won't be mad if you tell her that you are no longer a Muslim. Just as she has her strong opinions you are entitled the same. I advise you to tell her. Her family should not lose respect for you because you are being true to yourself and your beliefs. If they do, it's their loss not yours.

Reply 4

Just some guy

Good friends are friends because they like you and your personality, not your belief system.

If she can't accept that your world-view has differed from hers you should just tell her to hoof it.

Reply 5

Garret

I thought Uncomfortable hanging out meant something completely different

Reply 6

The Bishman

Garret

I thought Uncomfortable hanging out meant something completely different

Not if your playing hoop-toss.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I guess I do want to have a form of friendship with her, but I'd like the way she behaves to alter! I can't tell if it's innate, or because I allow her to pass judgements and fire interrogation-style questions at me.

One time when I went away on holiday, she wrote me an email telling me I ought to come home and save up and not spend my money on holidays. I didn't ask for this advice and just ignored the email. I was so incensed. She tried to lighten the tone in some parts, but it was really none of her business.

Things have built up and I suppose I am completely passive aggressive with her now. It's draining.

And about religion not being a sign up for life contract... I know this.. but religious types are often angry and aggressive and debates become heated when you explain why you don't believe what they believe. Apostasy in Islam is serious for some!

I feel like telling her I drink
I feel like informing her I don't believe in a creator who would create purely because He can and order his creation to worship him in a specific exclusive manner. Perhaps it is to do with upbringings, but the world and judgement is not so black and white in my eyes.