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Should you get rid of mementos from exes when in a new relationship?

Question:

Say that your boyfriend/girlfriend kept pictures/lettters/other mementos of their ex. Would that be ok with you? What about if you were in a serious/long term relationship and you were about to move in with him/her? Would expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to get rid of these things?

I have a friend who's in this situation. She feels that her boyfriend should get rid of the stuff from his exes. I'm kind of on the fence about this situation.

Zizi

Reply 1

sugar-pie

As long as the mementos don't happen to be cars, houses, children or ridicuolously large back accounts, you should do it if it bugs your new partner. It's pretty lame to be that insecure about your relationship: "my BF kept a photoframe his ex gave him so he must still like her"etc. But if she really doesn't want him to keep these things he should probably just do it anyway.

Reply 2

ßlαcksωαn

17

I think it's ok to have that stuff as long as he's not throwing it around and it's not in your face 24/7. Like it would be wrong for him to read his past love letters and or have photos up of him and his exs, that's just too much. But we can't expect him to chuck out all the stuff, I mean think about yourself? would you get rid of that pretty piece of jewelery or that teddy or whatever?
Sure we like to think our partners have never been with anyone else but they most likely have, we're better off to deal with and accept it than totally eradicate any evidence of this...

Reply 3

JadedHippy

11

I'm friends with a couple of my ex's. I would never dream of throwing their pictures away.

Reply 4

lea164

It's nice to keep something from old relationships. I wouldn't have it on display all the time but I wouldn't get rid of it. It sounds like your friends boyfriends quite insecure in the relationship, so she needs to explain to him that it doesn't mean anything. I don't think she could get rid of it unless she wants to/ feels ready to.

Reply 5

jenfragile

I think it's OK to keep things like presents etc, personally if it's letters/photographs and the like I keep in a box away somewhere. I don't need to see it all the time but it's nice to keep the memories.

One of my exes had photos of him and his ex girlfriend up everywhere, a collage of them on his wall despite him splitting with her a year before. He genuinely could not understand why I might not like this?!x

Reply 6

Helenia

20

lea164

It's nice to keep something from old relationships. I wouldn't have it on display all the time but I wouldn't get rid of it. It sounds like your friends boyfriends quite insecure in the relationship, so she needs to explain to him that it doesn't mean anything. I don't think she could get rid of it unless she wants to/ feels ready to.

But they DO mean something (and I think it's the boyfriend who's got the stuff, and the friend who wants him to get rid of it). You keep these things because they have nice memories attached to them, and they're things you don't want to forget.

I took down the photos of me and my ex when we broke up, but I still have them in my filing cabinet along with the cards etc he sent me. He was part of my life for 2 years and I never want to forget him, I'm not just going to throw them away because I'm with someone else now. The slightly more tricky one is the necklaces he bought me - again I'm not going to throw them out because they're lovely, but I feel slightly weird wearing them with my new bf around (so so far I haven't).

Reply 7

campbell87

8

I got rid of pretty much everything my past relationships gave me except for 2 teddys which are stuffed in a cupboard somewhere (Dont want to just put them in a wheelie bin, might take them the charity shop) because I was over them, they didnt bring back particulary good memories for me. I dont think my boyf would have liked me to have them all around the room either. I wasn't with my past boyfs for that long so that could be why.
I think if you have spent years with someone, given so much of your life to them then yes, I can understand why people would hold onto the material things but if it was only a short relationship I wouldnt see the point.
Everyone is different though, and if they do really want to keep the things have them put them away somewhere, they don't need to look at them everyday, if they do then I think theres a problem in there somewhere

Reply 8

socialist cook

8

I got rid of all the things my ex gave me(apart from books and CDs) because at the end of the relationship looking back we didn't really mean anything to each other.

I randomly found a picture of my current boyfriend's ex one time when I was up at his and we were randomly rooting through old photos(I'm not sure why there must have been a reason but I've forgotten it) of his from school. I came across a photo of him and his ex and rightly he was a bit embarrassed but then had no bones about telling me who she was and how I was so much better than her. I felt quite refreshed that he had told me straight away and definitely has moved on!

Although the weirdest thing I think for both him and myself was when a picture of her and him together popped up on a friend's(of his from school) facebook of old school trip pictures. It's only weird just because I'm used to seeing pictures of him and me now, but I accept that it was the past and we're now in the present.

Reply 9

Jsk

1

I wouldnt get rid of it. I mean i have just left secondary school and there are so many good memories in this box. From my mentor badge down to my year book and pictures and birthday cards and letters. I wouldnt get rid of them because they have played a major part in my life.

Exes are the same. If it was a long relationship then you wouldnt want to loose some of the memories because it would be like throwing away several years of your life. I wouldnt be able to do it. Chances are that most of the pictures taken while you were going out with this person would have bot of you in them and if you throw them all away then your probably throwing away the only evidence of you living those years.

As for prezies, it depends on what they are. JEwlary i probably wouldnt. One of my exes gave me a silver floating heard necklace and i still wear it because its gorgeous. NOt necisarily because he bought it for me. My man dont mind much.

So i wouldnt get rid. I would delete all texts from my phone, all emails and pictures from my phone.

Reply 10

herbal bug

12

I have a small box of the few things my ex's have given me (including photos) Just because i'm with someone new, it doesn't mean that I won't ever forget what we had.

Reply 11

dinkymints

12

Yeah, I think it's fair enough to keep mementos in a box somewhere, maybe not splashed all over his room/home...

Reply 12

h82think

14

When I broke up with my bf, I tore up all our photos and now really regret it!

Reply 13

Firearm

Stash a few in an old box and keep it out of sight, forget about it until you go sorting. Then let the memories hit you,b ut put it away again.

Its the best way to go

Reply 14

devils_nose

10

I found an old valentine's card when helping the fella move - he offered to chuck it but I said he was welcome to keep it, I don't think I would want to throw away all the trinkets I've collected during our relationship.

Reply 15

lookoutapiano!

if its like a picture of the two of them on his bedside table then yes but i wouldnt expect them to actually throw anything away if they didnt want to maybe just put them in a memory box or something. i can imagie itd be quite funny and nostalgic to look back on old love letters and stuff in twenty years time or something and perhaps cringe as well!

Reply 16

nanananabatman

10

I have a couple of photos of my ex, I don't mind keeping them at all, I don't see why I should get rid of them, like other photos I have, it shows something that was a part of my life.

Reply 17

Garret

It seems as if you can be hangin onto memories unecessarily, but people should be allowed to keep their memories and the other half should be a little more understanding of that