Friend is self absorbed and selfish while I'm at my lowest point

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Basically my closest mate of seven years, whom I went through college with and uni is been very selfish.

    *It's fair to say we've both been under a lot of stress, he has been completing his MA thesis under a new supervisor who changed towards end. This new supervisor was arrogant and dismissive of his efforts. All the while my mate has had to deal with a rare anxiety related disorder most his life.

    He didn't really know what he wanted to do with his life after his Masters, as he is anxious to the point it affects his daily life, and I don't think he could hold down a mainstream job. However he is academic, and recently he had a breakthrough decided he'd wanted to go the academia route- he's just been accepted into a top research institution in the Russel Group for an MA and thereafter a PhD I'm so proud of him and have told him this.

    *I've supported him through his early education when he wasn't so confident and helped him. I've seen big positive changes in his mentality and I'm pleased for him personally. We've always been close and supportive of each other as we both suffer mental health problems.*We've always been on same page.

    Recently I've had major life changing events happen to me which have spiralled me into a depression. I've always been anxious myself and depressed to some extent but work related stress has driven me to a new low. I*recently moved away from home with partner. My partner has just been screwed over at work by he employer leaving us financially unable to cope. I'm now on medication and my job situation is worsening.

    I messaged him to tell him, hoping for some supportive reassurance, he saw it but didn't reply. It's been two days and he suddenly piped up and said he was very nervous. I immediately realised it was because he was having his induction day at new uni and was reaching out to me.

    Why should I be so quick to help when he quite clearly ignores me when I'm at *my lowest ebb? He is been very selfish.*
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I should point out that lately over the past year he has been highly critical of me when ive needed him...which he sees as tough love. I've Been feeling low because I've been trying to find a job I enjoy post uni and he hasn't Been so helpful.*

    All of a sudden after me reaching out and getting no response, he needs me.*
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I should point out that lately over the past year he has been highly critical of me when ive needed him...which he sees as tough love. I've Been feeling low because I've been trying to find a job I enjoy post uni and he hasn't Been so helpful.*

    All of a sudden after me reaching out and getting no response, he needs me.*
    Friendships also run their course as people change. If you feel you make far more effort tha he does , then maybe have a word with him and point it out. If he isnt bale to take than on board and be supportive bacj, then consider whether you wnat the frienship any longer or whether you wnat to give support where you get none in return.

    I might say be pateint, he miht nor realise, but then you have been friends for a long time.
 
 
 
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