My mum expects me to marry someone from my country

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    My mum has made it absolutely clear she won't let me date let alone marry a guy from another country. I'm of an ethnic group in Iran (not Persian) and she expects me to marry someone of the same group. I said there aren't many in England and she goes well you can always go back home and marry someone from there. Help! I don't want to! I think I could get away with dating a guy from another country secretly but marriage will be a problem
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds depressing
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Zeus007)
    Sounds depressing
    Sounds like someone needs a hug....
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    A marriage is for you, not for your parents. Marry who you want to marry.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Don't all parents prefer if we married within our own ethnic groups/communities?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum has made it absolutely clear she won't let me date let alone marry a guy from another country. I'm of an ethnic group in Iran (not Persian) and she expects me to marry someone of the same group. I said there aren't many in England and she goes well you can always go back home and marry someone from there. Help! I don't want to! I think I could get away with dating a guy from another country secretly but marriage will be a problem
    Lol, she can't make you do **** in this country. You can always ignore her.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eternalflames)
    Don't all parents prefer if we married within our own ethnic groups/communities?
    Not true i knew this girl once she told me her mum allowed her to marry anyone from any ethnicity just as long as they were rich.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Forced marriage is illegal and I hope you know that and I hope you can educate your mum on forced marriage. She can't make you marry someone if you don't want to.
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum has made it absolutely clear she won't let me date let alone marry a guy from another country. I'm of an ethnic group in Iran (not Persian) and she expects me to marry someone of the same group. I said there aren't many in England and she goes well you can always go back home and marry someone from there. Help! I don't want to! I think I could get away with dating a guy from another country secretly but marriage will be a problem
    Afghan here but not persian ethnic group as well I feel you.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum has made it absolutely clear she won't let me date let alone marry a guy from another country. I'm of an ethnic group in Iran (not Persian) and she expects me to marry someone of the same group. I said there aren't many in England and she goes well you can always go back home and marry someone from there. Help! I don't want to! I think I could get away with dating a guy from another country secretly but marriage will be a problem
    You could always marry me?

    No?

    Offer is still on the rose covered table if you change your beautiful mind.

    No but srsly marriage is a contract and you cannot be forced into it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    Forced marriage is illegal and I hope you know that and I hope you can educate your mum on forced marriage. She can't make you marry someone if you don't want to.
    I'm pretty sure it's not illegal in her country though, she will send her back there if she doesn't abide by the laws of the dark age.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thing is I don't have a great deal to say until I find a guy who's of a different ethnic group that I love and tell her about. Only then can I properly let rip about how old fashioned her views are and be with him anyway. If I say all this now, she'll just say why do you even care you haven't even met anyone from another ethnic group.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Zeus007)
    Not true i knew this girl once she told me her mum allowed her to marry anyone from any ethnicity just as long as they were rich.
    Gold Digger :rofl:

    And at the end of the day they can't do anything if you do marry outside your ethnic group/religion/nationality, but I'm sure they'd PREFER their children to marry within the community.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Afghan here but not persian ethnic group as well I feel you.
    Not Afghan either but I completely get how you're in the same/ a similar situation as well as me are you a guy or girl?
    (Original post by Zeus007)
    I'm pretty sure it's not illegal in her country though, she will send her back there if she doesn't abide by the laws of the dark age.
    Exactly. I know when I get to 25/26 and still haven't met anyone she'll suggest I go back there and make it sound really good, saying how I can go And meet a list of potential guys (i.e. Guys she finds suitable for me that she's picked out). In her head only she knows what's best for me she's the only one who knows, every decision she's made for me is the best only she loves me blah blah blah. The entire thing is one big backwards farce
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum has made it absolutely clear she won't let me date let alone marry a guy from another country. I'm of an ethnic group in Iran (not Persian) and she expects me to marry someone of the same group. I said there aren't many in England and she goes well you can always go back home and marry someone from there. Help! I don't want to! I think I could get away with dating a guy from another country secretly but marriage will be a problem
    :/ ur life, it should be ur choice as well
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum has made it absolutely clear she won't let me date let alone marry a guy from another country. I'm of an ethnic group in Iran (not Persian) and she expects me to marry someone of the same group. I said there aren't many in England and she goes well you can always go back home and marry someone from there. Help! I don't want to! I think I could get away with dating a guy from another country secretly but marriage will be a problem
    It is unfortunate that the outdated mores still affect young people ... Do not despair and do not go to extremes. Do not go on about my mother, but do not hurt her. Try to talk to her, she is your mother, and she will listen to you when when her emotions calm down. And she was young too by the way.
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not Afghan either but I completely get how you're in the same/ a similar situation as well as me are you a guy or girl?
    I am girl thing is that it is easier for guys than girls. Trust me, your mum is saying these because she cares for you, it is very hard to get married into another ethnic group even if the nationalities are the same. But some get lucky. The guy will have to ask for your hand too before anything else. I am not in the same situation as you, because my parents have not mentioned anything, if a guy wants to marry me they just propose (as in the family etc tells my parents). My dad has not considered any yet lol, so let alone me consdering it, I will only be approached if my parents approve. Otherwise, I don't even know they came :lol:

    So what ethnic group are you from Iran if not Persian? I thought iranians (well most) are slightly less strict than Afghans with these matters?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum has made it absolutely clear she won't let me date let alone marry a guy from another country. I'm of an ethnic group in Iran (not Persian) and she expects me to marry someone of the same group. I said there aren't many in England and she goes well you can always go back home and marry someone from there. Help! I don't want to! I think I could get away with dating a guy from another country secretly but marriage will be a problem
    If she wants grandkids, and what Mum doesn't, she'll come round.
    You actually have the whip hand on that
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am girl thing is that it is easier for guys than girls. Trust me, your mum is saying these because she cares for you, it is very hard to get married into another ethnic group even if the nationalities are the same. But some get lucky. The guy will have to ask for your hand too before anything else. I am not in the same situation as you, because my parents have not mentioned anything, if a guy wants to marry me they just propose (as in the family etc tells my parents). My dad has not considered any yet lol, so let alone me consdering it, I will only be approached if my parents approve. Otherwise, I don't even know they came :lol:

    So what ethnic group are you from Iran if not Persian? I thought iranians (well most) are slightly less strict than Afghans with these matters?
    Oh thank goodness you're a girl too so you know exactly how it is. You're right it's SO much easier for guys. I'm Kurdish. Persians tend to be less strict, unfortunately a lot of the Kurdish are very set in their backwards ways.
    Don't you think the whole set up is wrong though that every proposal has to go through the dad first before it can even reach you?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    i told my girl shes my wife she doesnt need to marry me
 
 
 
Write a reply… Reply
Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: September 27, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Poll
Would you ever go to a non Russell Group uni?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.