I've recently had to go back on medication for depression/low mood and anxiety due to my high pressure stressful job. In the last six months I've gone from been on the recovery from a long period of poor well being (anxiety, low confidence, depression) to a much darker place.
Not only do I feel set back, but I feel I've taken a nose dive. A lot of contributory factors have caused this; relocating home to different part of the country, starting this job which is toxic, struggling to find ideal grad job, and having financial difficulties, no support system.
Taking medication has initially helped me, and while I went through a period of increased agitation it has settled a little, there are periods of fleeting happiness but this sense of extreme loneliness. Like people have forgotten me, like I'm looking at myself from the outside in, it's a weird out of body cognition. I'm not talking about seeing my own body physically, I mean I feel so faraway from my conscious self that I feel alone. That it almost feels like I'm not me, a numbing.*
The anxiety is still there, in fact, it seems to be immune to the drugs, I still get hot and sweaty, heart racing etc., it's only week five on Meds and dose may need to be increased yet again.
To top it all off, recently our employer has screwed us over. They've decided to not bother giving my partner any shifts, despite handing a two week notice period. Not only this, they didn't even tell her, they just did it heartlessly and then pushed blame unto others.
*While in this job, I've been bullied and talked about that much that it's degraded my self esteem and psychologically battered me. The *****iness is the worst, it's not a behind your back thing...it happens under our nose, in front of you begrudgingly. It's like I'm a ghost and I'm invisible. They do it almost callously. Slating my work ethic and poking fun at the fact so and so has to work with me out of pity.*
The managers don't care either as they all serve the boss who is like the ringleader. They all exist as one big clique brown nosing each other for the next big promotion. While *****ing on others in the process. My line manager has been pushed out as a result of a departmental promotion. Despite said line manager been there longer. HR and upper management are so far up their own arses that it's of no major concern to them, and the franchisee/store owner is ignorant to what's going on and so far from it all he doesn't recognise it as bullying.
As a result of works screwing us, we are financially struggling and I tried to reach out to a close friend who completely ignored me, only to resurface days later when he was having troubles. Which frustrated me- so much for his concern!! I've been depressed for years and he's always been there previous.*
I'm trying to find a graduate job in design for the last year and getting knocked back all the time, and seeing other people land good jobs.
*All of this stress is making me more Poorly and I can't cope. I have no support system here, no friends other than partner (whom is ill and unemployed until her new job gives her a start date) and so it's hard to not feel alone. I'm in counselling but early days. I've had treatment and Meds before over last five years.
Someone help me please....I dunno what to do anymore**
Should I still go?