The Student Room Group

Family argument - was I right?

Sorry just need an outlook on this from someone other than my family.

I just found out last night that my dad has planned a holiday for him, me, my older sister and younger foster sister (who is anti-social/uncooperative) to Italy for "a few days". My mum's busy with work, and my older brother has got his own things going on. Just a while ago I argued with my sister about it because;

last year, the same 4 of us went on holiday to France for 3 days. It was the worst holiday of my life. I was bored, trapped, and feeling awkward the whole time because I don't particularly get on with my dad, my sis is okay, but my foster sister is a nightmare. She was disruptive, rude to people who tried talking to us, whiney, and downright negative in all situations. She also caused problems while shopping for souvenirs.

Right, so with that in mind last year, I was glad to be back and to not have to be stranded with them again. But now I hear we're off to Italy for 5 days, the week college starts again, and it's the same 4 of us.

So I say, I don't want to go, last year was awful, I have the right to choose, this was all planned without me knowing.

My sister says I'm being selfish, it won't be all that bad again, it's a chance to get away, get some sun, and enjoy the resort and stuff.

But, I really dont want to go. It's going to be worse than last year. I don't spend any time with my foster sister because of how she acted last summer, so who's smart idea was it to shove the same 4 of us off on holiday again? Them 3 are up for it, I'm not. It's stupid, it's the week college starts, do I really need to be on holiday and miss the first day because I'll be having a **** time abroad?

Should I just go along with it or am I right to argue not going? I'm coming across as selfish and moany to my family but I think I deserve the freedom to not have to be put through that again. It was awful. I really dont know what to do because I dont want to upset anyone or disappoint them. But I just find this whole thing ridiculous; planning it without telling me, I mean ffs we've even got a set date to go on!! Help please, I'll post more info if you feel I've missed anything out that needs explaining.
Reply 1
Personally, I reckon you have a right to decide not to go.
Of course, I can see that your Dad is organising this as an attempt at helping you all to bond, but the fact is that if you're so set against the idea, there's no way you'd bond once you were there anyway, and it could, in fact, drive your family further apart.
I didn't get on with my family; yet they respected this and allowed me to stay at home when they went on holidays - eventually stopping inviting me, which suited me fine.
Maybe try and explain to your family that you'd prefer to start college at the right time, and that possibly the time apart from your foster sister will have a more positive effect than forced interaction?
Reply 2
They really should have asked you first, I think you are entitled to say no; it would suck for your dad (who is the one who bought the tickets I presume), but it would be his own fault quite frankly.

Planning it for the first week back at college was also very stupid of him, does your college have a policy that you're not allowed to go on holiday during time term? My old school did, perhaps just tell him that yours does, even if it's not true?
Reply 3
I suppose your family are angry because they've spent time and money organising this holiday, but if you're not going to be happy then there is no point in you going just to keep everyone else happy. It is your choice at the end of the day, and they should of discussed it with you before booking.

Try to sit down and discuss it with your dad and explain you don't want to go and your reasons why. Tell him you don't want to argue about it but you can't see yourself enjoying time there, and in future you'd like to be asked before the holiday is booked.

If you are forced to go, then try to enjoy yourself and not dwell too much on what happened on your last holiday.
Just tell your family that your education is more important :p:
Reply 5
Just go, its only 5 days. You'll have to endure much worst things than that in your life

sometimes keeping other people happy is more important than keeping your self happy
Reply 6
Of course you're right, you have the right not to go, they shouldn't force you to go and have a crappy time with them.

The first day back's the only fun day of the year so it sucks you should have to miss it! Just tell them you can't afford to miss that day of college, because you have to sort out timetables or whatever.

But to be fair, regardless of when the holiday is (whose bright idea was it to book it then?!), you have the right not to go. If your foster sister is as horrible as she sounds and last year was such a nightmare, they can hardly expect you to be up for a holiday like that again. Explain that had you been consulted before it was booked, you would have said you did not want to go, it's not your fault they couldn't be bothered to even ask you.

You probably need to be a bit conciliatory though - say that you're sorry the tickets have already been booked and that they'll lose the money on yours (though if you've got travel insurance they might not have to) but they should have consulted you and you have reasons for really not wanting to go. Can you get your mum to mediate for you or something?
Reply 7
goodmen
Just go, its only 5 days. You'll have to endure much worst things than that in your life

sometimes keeping other people happy is more important than keeping your self happy

If it didn't mean missing the first 5 days of school, I would completely agree with the above. Your parents are obviously just trying to bring the family together. Maybe they are going about it the wrong way. Maybe other family members are stupid and annoying. But they are trying, and you can't blame them for being upset that you want to back out of the family outing. 5 days isn't a long time. If you're on a resort, buy a few good books and spend most of your time lounging by the pool, instead of around them.

Unless your biggest concern here is the impact of missing the first 5 days of school, I'd say 'just go'.
Ink
If it didn't mean missing the first 5 days of school, I would completely agree with the above.


The OP won't be missing five days of school, only the first day back?;
AntiLearner
it's the week college starts, do I really need to be on holiday and miss the first day


OP you do seem selfish, the last time you went was only for three days, three. It's hardly a life time. Why don't you just go but if you're old enough then ask if you can be free to do some things you'd like to do? I'd love to go to Italy for five days and I'm sure there's plenty that would interest you.

Also surely your sister is fostered for a reason? and if she's younger then you need to accept that that is just how children are. Maybe make more of an effort with her?
Reply 9
I wish my parents would buy me a trip to italy >.>
Reply 10
Yer you shouldn't go with them if you miss first week of your school...because usually that is wen everything is sorted and you get tosee your friends yo havent seen so mcuh in hols then and catch up :smile:

Just explain to your dad how it is like you did us
Reply 11
Well I've just pulled out of it, and I don't give a **** if they begrudge me for the rest of summer. At least I've got a certainty of a relaxed, chilled out summer, and four days with hopefully a mostly free house.
Reply 12
AntiLearner
Well I've just pulled out of it, and I don't give a **** if they begrudge me for the rest of summer. At least I've got a certainty of a relaxed, chilled out summer, and four days with hopefully a mostly free house.



to be honest when you post things like this I think your family were right to call you selfish


and one day of school, the first day too. Not a big deal et all
Reply 13
goodmen
to be honest when you post things like this I think your family were right to call you selfish


and one day of school, the first day too. Not a big deal et all



I don't think the OP's reaction is selfish at all - it was only fair that they should've been consulted first, and allowed to make their own decision.
Reply 14
goodmen
to be honest when you post things like this I think your family were right to call you selfish


and one day of school, the first day too. Not a big deal et all

I think I've got every right to be selfish with the stick I've gotten for daring to question why my ticket was bought a week before I knew about it, thank you very much. Just because I have to live with a foster child who demands a holiday every few months doesn't mean I can be assumed or forced at 17 to continue to take holidays I don't want. I'd rather not waste the effort, money and process that it takes to go abroad if I'll have another crap time.
acore
I wish my parents would buy me a trip to italy >.>


Ditto. Heck I'd even go with my little nightmare brother if it came down to it.

I'm now at the stage where my parents stopped paying for holidays a while ago, I thought by now I would be able to afford to buy my own, but can't :frown:

I respect your decision OP, but personally I'd rather lounge around in Italy than in an empty house back here. At 17 surely you can go and do your own thing rather than hanging round with the family anyway. :smile: