I can't do lectures :(

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    I'm starting my second year of university, and I'm already missing the introductory lectures. Last year I only attended around 30% of the schedules (this also includes seminars, etc), and got a grade of about 70%. We had a workshop every week, and I didn't even go to one of them. Obviously I didn't get a higher overall grade because I missed some information from the lectures, but in all honesty I don't see why they couldn't have added that stuff on the slides when they upload them online.

    I sort of find it amazing that there were other people on the course who may have gone to all of the lectures, etc, and achieved a worse grade than me - when I put in a fraction of their physical time. 70% isn't brilliant but it's not bad. I also wonder if I am the first person to ever not go to a particular schedule for the whole academic year.

    Obviously I want to go to lectures and be normal though.

    I just cant. I hate them. I always want to be alone in a lecture so I can concentrate properly, but this brings me the anxiety of choosing a place to sit; I have to come in slightly late so I can choose an isolated seat where I don't think I am disturbing people or where I think others will sit by me.

    Then there's the anxiety of people looking around; I usually only take notes of the really important stuff and just listen for most of it, so I get the sense that people are wondering why I am not writing anything because I usually just sit there.

    I also hate the breaks and discussions. When the lecturer stops the class for five minutes to say 'Have a chat with the people sitting next to you about ___'. I've walked out of lectures where they do that every 10 minutes. I never smoked before university, but now I use that 15 minute break in between a long lecture to smoke because there is nothing else for me to do.

    It's really getting me down because I want to do well but I feel as though I can't.
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    Some people will comment saying you can stay at home and go through the lectures etc as everything is online. Don't sacrifice your degree over this. Try sit next to people in lectures, like turn up 5/10 minutes before they start so most people will be there by now. Then, choose your seat.

    Don't compare your grades to someone else, just because you didn't attend lectures etc as I think you got lucky. Second and third year is much harder.

    You can't be alone in lectures, that's impossible. Haven't you made any friends since your second year? What did you do in first year? Do you commute or live in accommodation?

    You're going to have to get used to it I'm afraid as when you start working you'll have to talk to people etc and sit in on projects.
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    (Original post by Ishax)
    Some people will comment saying you can stay at home and go through the lectures etc as everything is online. Don't sacrifice your degree over this. Try sit next to people in lectures, like turn up 5/10 minutes before they start so most people will be there by now. Then, choose your seat.

    Don't compare your grades to someone else, just because you didn't attend lectures etc as I think you got lucky. Second and third year is much harder.

    You can't be alone in lectures, that's impossible. Haven't you made any friends since you're second year? What did you do in first year? Do you commute or live in accommodation?

    You're going to have to get used to it I'm afraid as when you start working you'll have to talk to people etc and sit in on projects.
    ^^ this
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    Whether or not you attend lectures has very little bearing on how well you do in exams. I sort of find it amazing that there are people like you who don't get that.
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    What are you studying? I'm kind of the same in lectures. I'm very easily distracted so I prefer to just listen to what the professor is talking about rather than take notes. Honestly the only reason I take notes is so that the people around me don't think I'm not listening bc I haven't written anything down. They probably aren't thinking this tho. I wouldn't advise missing lectures, just try and stick it out 2 nid and 3rd year will be much harder than the first. In the breaks maybe listen to music or go to the bathroom. If you want to sit undisturbed sit in the front but in the corner. If you can't stand it maybe discuss your problem with your advisor or someone and get the slides or a podcast sent to you.
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    (Original post by Ishax)
    You can't be alone in lectures, that's impossible. Haven't you made any friends since your second year? What did you do in first year? Do you commute or live in accommodation
    I live at home, so I felt as though there wasn't as much pressure for me to 'make friends' as compared to those who moved. There are people that I talk to at the university, people in my tutor group, etc, but I choose to avoid them most of the time. Not quite avoid, but not make an effort with, if that makes a difference (?).
    (Original post by yudothis)
    Whether or not you attend lectures has very little bearing on how well you do in exams. I sort of find it amazing that there are people like you who don't get that.
    I wasn't just talking about examinations. The point was, by not going to as many lectures, I was missing information, and not doing as well as I could, and in future years this would be more detrimental. I'm surprised you didn't get that (not sort of amazed though).
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    (Original post by Wiggly)
    I live at home, so I felt as though there wasn't as much pressure for me to 'make friends' as compared to those who moved. There are people that I talk to at the university, people in my tutor group, etc, but I choose to avoid them most of the time. Not quite avoid, but not make an effort with, if that makes a difference (?).

    I wasn't just talking about examinations. The point was, by not going to as many lectures, I was missing information, and not doing as well as I could, and in future years this would be more detrimental. I'm surprised you didn't get that (not sort of amazed though).
    What information are you missing? I am yet to come across a lecture where course material are significantly less than what the lecturer actually says.
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    (Original post by Wiggly)
    I live at home, so I felt as though there wasn't as much pressure for me to 'make friends' as compared to those who moved. There are people that I talk to at the university, people in my tutor group, etc, but I choose to avoid them most of the time. Not quite avoid, but not make an effort with, if that makes a difference (?)
    I commute to university aswell and I've managed to make friends etc. I think it's because you didn't attend lectures etc and get mixed in with people. That's why I try to attend all my lectures.

    If you avoid people then expect to be alone in lectures. I prefer to have friends who I can talk to (not in lecture slides obviously), about something that I didn't get or need clarification.
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    I mean this in the nicest possible way, but have you spoken to a doctor or a counsellor at your univeristy about your issues? It honestly sounds like you might have some form of anxiety issue which is making it really hard for you to attend, and that's not at all nice but there are things that can be done to help you
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    (Original post by Tsrsarahhhh)
    What are you studying? I'm kind of the same in lectures. I'm very easily distracted so I prefer to just listen to what the professor is talking about rather than take notes. Honestly the only reason I take notes is so that the people around me don't think I'm not listening bc I haven't written anything down. They probably aren't thinking this tho. I wouldn't advise missing lectures, just try and stick it out 2 nid and 3rd year will be much harder than the first. In the breaks maybe listen to music or go to the bathroom. If you want to sit undisturbed sit in the front but in the corner. If you can't stand it maybe discuss your problem with your advisor or someone and get the slides or a podcast sent to you.
    Similar to you if I just listen to the lecturer, I can remember a lot of it. But if I feel nervous/anxious about the people around me or feel as though I need to write something, I won't remember most it and the time has been wasted. Sitting at the back is alright but most of the time other people are sitting there (I don't want to seem as intruding to them) or the professor asks us all to move down into below rows so we're closer together, and that's terrible.
    (Original post by yudothis)
    What information are you missing? I am yet to come across a lecture where course material are significantly less than what the lecturer actually says.
    Could be small things that add up to large things. For example, there may be a bit on the slide that the lecturer just wanted to touch upon but isn't entirely necessary to learn, and I wouldn't know that by not going. Other times they may point out bits that are of particular importance. That sort of thing.
    (Original post by Saoirse:3)
    I mean this in the nicest possible way, but have you spoken to a doctor or a counsellor at your university about your issues? It honestly sounds like you might have some form of anxiety issue which is making it really hard for you to attend, and that's not at all nice but there are things that can be done to help you
    I've always disliked spaces filled with people- it was the same with assemblies during high school (I skipped those, too). A few times I have felt really weird when in these situations, e.g. suddenly I'd be sweating loads, thinking everyone behind me is looking at me, looking at the door thinking 'I have to leave', forced breathing, and feeling sick but not actually being sick. This has happened at least 3 times in lectures last year where I had to go, but I feel it doesn't happen enough to be thought of as a big problem. I dunno
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    (Original post by Wiggly)
    Similar to you if I just listen to the lecturer, I can remember a lot of it. But if I feel nervous/anxious about the people around me or feel as though I need to write something, I won't remember most it and the time has been wasted. Sitting at the back is alright but most of the time other people are sitting there (I don't want to seem as intruding to them) or the professor asks us all to move down into below rows so we're closer together, and that's terrible.

    Could be small things that add up to large things. For example, there may be a bit on the slide that the lecturer just wanted to touch upon but isn't entirely necessary to learn, and I wouldn't know that by not going. Other times they may point out bits that are of particular importance. That sort of thing.

    I've always disliked spaces filled with people- it was the same with assemblies during high school (I skipped those, too). A few times I have felt really weird when in these situations, e.g. suddenly I'd be sweating loads, thinking everyone behind me is looking at me, looking at the door thinking 'I have to leave', forced breathing, and feeling sick but not actually being sick. This has happened at least 3 times in lectures last year where I had to go, but I feel it doesn't happen enough to be thought of as a big problem. I dunno
    Please, please go and get some help with this - it clearly is a problem for you, since it's putting you off being around groups of people and harming your education and social interaction. It's not something you have to put up with, and there are ways you can get help For instance, if you were to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, even if the counselling etc didn't immidiately help you, the university could for instance make sure that you're able to access a recording of the lecture to listen to on your own, or offer to ensure you had a relatively secluded space at the back where it might feel less intimidating. I know it's hard to acknoledge there's a problem and speak out, but trust me when I say it's better than suffering in silence and there are people you can be put in touch with who'll be far more helpful than anyone on TSR :grouphugs:
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    (Original post by Wiggly)

    Could be small things that add up to large things. For example, there may be a bit on the slide that the lecturer just wanted to touch upon but isn't entirely necessary to learn, and I wouldn't know that by not going. Other times they may point out bits that are of particular importance. That sort of thing.
    Basing that broad statement of yours on could be is rather poorly thought out.
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    There's nothing wrong with not taking notes during a lecture and just listening. I recommend my students do that if they can, although many find it hard to concentrate for a long time without making notes.

    However, you should make your own notes as soon as possible after the lecture.

    I think you are absolutely right to think that attending a lecture gives you more than reading the slides later. Lectures slides are not revision notes most of the time, they are aids for the lecture. Many things might be said out loud that are not captures in the slides.

    Seeking help from counselling or a personal tutor might be helpful here. It sounds like you care a lot what others might think about you. If possible, just try not to care, although I know that might be glib. I tend to find that people avoid sitting in the front row of the lecture, so maybe aim there to be more on your own?

    If there's a break and you're asked to chat...that's what staring at your smartphone is for!
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    To me the issue here isn't lectures it's the level of anxiety you're experiencing. Obviously it's not good to skip lectures but my advice would be to get in touch with whatever support services you can at uni to see if you can get a handle on this (counselling service, disability service, personal tutor) and put a plan in place so A. you can try and raise your attendance and B. you can get access to things you miss if you don't get to the lectures. The way you're feeling isn't normal. The first half of your post I thought you were gonna say you couldn't be bothered or preferred to lie in the morning but the level of anxiety you have around lectures is really concerning and I'd be surprised if it didn't affect other parts of your life too.
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    Months on after I made this thread, I've been to perhaps 4 lectures.

    I've realised that I really need to find help on this. I have two assignments due on Friday of which I can't imagine myself completing. Previously I have been winging the first few assignments of the year so far and doing well with around 70%, but the ones due next week are the sort where I can't seem to do it alone.

    I knew not going to schedules would be preventing me from getting good grades but now it's going too far and causing me too much distress. I've spent the past hour pretty much crying at the thought that I might have to drop out.

    But, how do I approach it? Should I just email my personal tutor asking for a meeting or would I have to go to student services or something? If I speak out about it now, would it be possible that I could have the deadline extended for the assignments?

    I want to find a way that I could talk about my fear of going to lectures, without sounding as though I have a mental illness, because that's not how I see it. I'm afraid that I would actually need to convince them that I have some sort of mental illness before anything can be done (e.g. extenuating circumstances, etc), which isn't what I want because I don't want to draw attenion or adopt a label.
    Usually I'm fine outside of university, so essentially it's university that is the problem for me. I don't know it that would even make sense.
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    But you don't have to do them, that's the lecturer's job. Just attend them.

    Seriously stop worrying about what people think, I know it's easier said than done but chances are they don't even realise you're there. There's so many people in the room, no one is going to be observing your every step.
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    (Original post by Wiggly)
    Months on after I made this thread, I've been to perhaps 4 lectures.

    I've realised that I really need to find help on this. I have two assignments due on Friday of which I can't imagine myself completing. Previously I have been winging the first few assignments of the year so far and doing well with around 70%, but the ones due next week are the sort where I can't seem to do it alone.

    I knew not going to schedules would be preventing me from getting good grades but now it's going too far and causing me too much distress. I've spent the past hour pretty much crying at the thought that I might have to drop out.

    But, how do I appraoch it? Should I just email my personal tutor asking for a meeting or would I have to go to student services or something? If I speak out about it now, would it be possible that I could have the deadline extended for the assignments?

    I want to find a way that I could talk about my fear of going to lectures, without sounding as though I have a mental illness, because that's not how I see it. Usually I'm fine outside of university, so essentially it's university that is the problem for me. I don't know it that would even make sense.
    Stop it mate. It's typical anxiety and paranoia.

    You think too much of yourself. Nobody is looking at you and nobody cares.

    Go about your business. You feel that people are going to judge you/ are judging you?

    Man this kind of thought process will **** up your life major. You will sink into oblivion and miss out on great opportunists for it.

    Do you want to know how o cure it, do you really want to know?

    I CAN TELL YOU.

    I can set you freee...let's be honest. This is modern day prison. It aint just you, it;s these damn millennials.

    Well here is the remedy:

    Just ****ing do it. Just go and do it. Just do it. Just go. Take it. Speak, endure, until you realise it AINT that BAD. NOPE. Get your ****ign head down just go. Late or early just go.

    WHO GIVE A ****. FAKE IT

    FAKE IT THATS YOUR ANSWER. FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.

    FAKE CONFIDENCE. JUST FAKE IT.

    Message me back if you want part 2.
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    the above thread reminds me of 'Fake it till you make it' talk by Amy Cuddy. Try watching that on YouTube.
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    (Original post by ThisIsReal)
    Stop it mate. It's typical anxiety and paranoia.

    You think too much of yourself. Nobody is looking at you and nobody cares.

    Go about your business. You feel that people are going to judge you/ are judging you?

    Man this kind of thought process will **** up your life major. You will sink into oblivion and miss out on great opportunists for it.

    Do you want to know how o cure it, do you really want to know?

    I CAN TELL YOU.

    I can set you freee...let's be honest. This is modern day prison. It aint just you, it;s these damn millennials.

    Well here is the remedy:

    Just ****ing do it. Just go and do it. Just do it. Just go. Take it. Speak, endure, until you realise it AINT that BAD. NOPE. Get your ****ign head down just go. Late or early just go.

    WHO GIVE A ****. FAKE IT

    FAKE IT THATS YOUR ANSWER. FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.

    FAKE CONFIDENCE. JUST FAKE IT.

    Message me back if you want part 2.
    Inspirational post.
 
 
 
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