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How to not be mega insecure anymore?

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    Hey all,

    I'm way way to insecure for my own good.
    I have massive trust issues and get insecurities about everything to so with other people and myself.
    It's ruining my life and I need to fix it asap.
    I feel like I'm losing friends on here because of it too, which is upsetting.

    Does anyone have any advice for me?
    Thankyou in advance
    FF77
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    Bump before I go to sleep^^^
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Hey all,

    I'm way way to insecure for my own good.
    I have massive trust issues and get insecurities about everything to so with other people and myself.
    It's ruining my life and I need to fix it asap.
    I feel like I'm losing friends on here because of it too, which is upsetting.

    Does anyone have any advice for me?
    Thankyou in advance
    FF77
    Hello

    My advice is to try and build up your confidence and the self love for yourself. And try and build up your self worth because you are worth to be
    happy.

    You need to believe in yourself and try to trust those closest to you (even if you only partly trust someone will help your mind feel use and able to trusting others).

    Also try and get motivated. (they are some great motivational videos out there which are helpful.

    Hope this helps.
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Hey all,

    I'm way way to insecure for my own good.
    I have massive trust issues and get insecurities about everything to so with other people and myself.
    It's ruining my life and I need to fix it asap.
    I feel like I'm losing friends on here because of it too, which is upsetting.

    Does anyone have any advice for me?
    Thankyou in advance
    FF77
    Therapy!

    There's a bit of a stigma around therapy and I think a lot of people are reluctant to go because they feel it lables them as crazy or that their problem isn't serious enough, but therapy is a really good way to understand how you think and feel and get to the bottom of some issues.
    I suggest you look into something called cognative behavioural therapy (CBT). It focuses on thought patterns and the reasons you feel certian things or hold certian views about yourself. It's kinda like a guided tour of your own mind. It can really help people with confidence issues work out why they have them and how to improve them.
    Your doctor should be able to inform you and maybe refer you, if not check out sites like mind.org or just googling therapy in your area. If you are a student you should also have access to a free counseling cervice which you might try, though I believe that therapy is a much better option.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    Therapy!

    There's a bit of a stigma around therapy and I think a lot of people are reluctant to go because they feel it lables them as crazy or that their problem isn't serious enough, but therapy is a really good way to understand how you think and feel and get to the bottom of some issues.
    I suggest you look into something called cognative behavioural therapy (CBT). It focuses on thought patterns and the reasons you feel certian things or hold certian views about yourself. It's kinda like a guided tour of your own mind. It can really help people with confidence issues work out why they have them and how to improve them.
    Your doctor should be able to inform you and maybe refer you, if not check out sites like mind.org or just googling therapy in your area. If you are a student you should also have access to a free counseling cervice which you might try, though I believe that therapy is a much better option.

    Good luck
    I'm already having therapy. For my Mental illnesses!

    I know that people are reluctant (I was at first) but tbh it hasn't really helped me much, made me worse if anything.
    CBT hasn't worked on me, made no difference whatsoever!
    I know, the referral waiting list is over a year though so that's not an option. Plus the NHS were pretty useless before so I'll pass on that.
    Counselling also didn't do anything, don't see the point in it personally.

    But Thankyou for the response.
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    (Original post by Bluebutterfly310)
    Hello

    My advice is to try and build up your confidence and the self love for yourself. And try and build up your self worth because you are worth to be
    happy.

    You need to believe in yourself and try to trust those closest to you (even if you only partly trust someone will help your mind feel use and able to trusting others).

    Also try and get motivated. (they are some great motivational videos out there which are helpful.

    Hope this helps.
    I have no idea how to do that though.
    And I also have mega trust issues due to past experiences.

    Any reccomendations?
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    Stop looking in mirrors.
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    I'm already having therapy. For my Mental illnesses!

    I know that people are reluctant (I was at first) but tbh it hasn't really helped me much, made me worse if anything.
    CBT hasn't worked on me, made no difference whatsoever!
    I know, the referral waiting list is over a year though so that's not an option. Plus the NHS were pretty useless before so I'll pass on that.
    Counselling also didn't do anything, don't see the point in it personally.

    But Thankyou for the response.
    It's a shame therapy hasn't been helping. I can understand though. I didn't find therapy helpful until I started group. I don't know if its cos I didn't do well with the one to one environment or if I was just in a bit of a better place and more responsive to it. I can totally understand why it doesn't work for some people or it takes them a long time to find the right fit.
    I just gave up with counselling. I don't think it works well for actual mh problems. It's too medical for that sort of approach i recon.

    Try looking at mind.org and sane.org if you haven't already. They have some good advice and sane has a forum section with loads of catagories so you can probably find a few people on there who are going through or have gone through similar to talk to.
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Hey all,

    I'm way way to insecure for my own good.
    I have massive trust issues and get insecurities about everything to so with other people and myself.
    It's ruining my life and I need to fix it asap.
    I feel like I'm losing friends on here because of it too, which is upsetting.

    Does anyone have any advice for me?
    Thankyou in advance
    FF77
    I'm sorry you feel this way. Firstly as hard as it is, you have to try and allow yourself to get your self-worth from yourself. The best way to achieve this, is to set small goals, that only you know about, and give yourself a pat on the back once you complete them. The more you complete your small goals, the more you will start trying to up your game, aiming for slightly higher ones. It doesn't have to be anything big to start with, just small ones, like for example, if you have trouble speaking with strangers, set a goal of smiling at one, work up to a hello, and then a bit of small talk.

    Secondly, start a positive diary. At the end of each day, no matter how down you may feel. Try to think of three positive things in your life. Write them down before going to bed each night.

    Thirdly, exercise and diet. It is easy when your down to almost "give up" on your appearance. Try some light exercise for 20 mins a night, stuff you can do in your room. Jogging on the spot, star jumps and squats. Listen to some good, "motivational" music as you do this. Then cut down on any foods that are "bad" for you. I'm not saying stop but cut down, try to eat clean meats and vegetables and drink fruit juice. I think these changes do much more good than counselling, I hope you all the best.
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    I have no idea how to do that though.
    And I also have mega trust issues due to past experiences.

    Any reccomendations?
    Have you ever tried to set yourself little goals which you have to complete either daily or weekly?? because that is what helps me. Like the goals could be as simple as try and say hello to a few people during the week, or try and say one good thing about yourself every few days or something.

    Also have you heard of a happy jar project? Well its a jar which you put bits of paper which have writing on and like writing could be about happy and positive memories of things that have happened, or all the positive thing people have said about you which had made you smile or simple quotes which are inspirational to you or you could even put your daily goals in. And every day you take one of the bits of paper out and read it will help you to see the positive things and the good things things about yourself. Just google happiness jars to find out more.

    Also try looking on http://www.mind.org.uk/ because they have some good information and advice on there about mental health and ways to cope and other peoples stories of how they live with a mental health illness etc. Also websites like https://www.kooth.com/ and childline offer some great advice about this, espically this page on building confidence https://www.childline.org.uk/info-ad...e-self-esteem/

    Hopefully the advice will help you to build your confidence and self worth

    And i understand how that feels, i struggle the same way. "Trust is like paper once it get crumpled it can never go back"
    I myself i have no clue how you build trust because its so delicate and can be broken again and again, I am sorry about that.
    But try having a read at this page on trust: http://www.franksonnenbergonline.com...by-step-guide/

    I hope all that helps you my friend :hugs:
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    I've been there and have the t-shirt too.

    You are the only one with the power to change your life but you need to build up your self esteem and your self confidence.This also comes down principally to self love. I spent three years literally hating myself, and just reached a point whilst listening to Demi's Give me love cover by Ed Sheeran, where i realized that all the validation and love i was craving from someone else had to come from me first and it's not easy changing self limiting beliefs, but it's not impossible, but it depends on your level of commitment. I'm not 100% perfect but i'm better than I was before.

    Louise hay- advocated the mirror technique- where you stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself that you love yourself but you have to say your name. I love you Lemons. You are a very special kid/ etc. Do it for a month and see how you feel.

    Secondly we learn by repetition. We believe the lies we tell ourselves if they're said often enough. Just google self esteem affirmations and just let them play in the background. Your subconscious mind will pick them up and they really do work, but you may find resistance to them when you first start. If that's the case you could try subliminal ones. Jason Stephenson on youtube has quite a wide range.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-mUQ4D6TgI

    Thirdly you need to determine exactly where you picked up these insecurities .Where are they coming from? I would recommend seeing a therapist or a counselor. EDIT: I posted this before I read right through xD.

    Going to the gym saved me in my darkest hours. Running was the only thing that made me strong and exercise does have a very positive effect on the old brain. Try going for walks as simple as that sounds.
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    (Original post by AlexFam)
    Stop looking in mirrors.
    It's people like you that make me feel this way!
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    It's people like you that make me feel this way!
    Not because you're ugly. I meant stop looking in mirrors because you're always going to over analyse your imperfections. When you stop noticing them all the time, you'll stop realising they exist.
 
 
 
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