I just can't deal with it. [16+]

I don't think I can deal with the problems I've got any longer. I probally have no problems in comparison to an african child who is dying tonight because they can't even get a clean cup of water. The problem is I don't like being alive, I wouldn't want to commit sucicide - maybe this is my plea for some attention. I don't know.

Homosexuality / Bisexuality - I don't know what you want to call it but I believe I have an attraction to both male and females. It's probally just until I am older when my feelings have settled down for one. You see, I could never tell any of my friends about it. Never. It's not that they'd understand and still be my friend it's just there's many horrible people where I live. Couldn't go back to being bullied, it's the worst feeling you could imagine.

I saw an advert for someone living nearby to me on a dating website, he looked pretty good looking and was up for some fun. What could we achieve from this fun? Two lads in denial with no previous experience whatsoever. It dawned on us the day before our meet (chatting on MSN) that this is something pretty slutty and you should only do things like this with someone you love. Not a discreet meet somewhere quiet with someone you've never met before. So that's not going ahead and I don't think I'm ever going to get the chance to do anything or express my feelings in the right way because I'd be too scared to come out to everyone. Then again I'd probally end up chickening out if I did go along.

Some of you may say you can choose your sexuality, believe me i've tried to blank these feelings out as not normal.

Family split up has messed me as well, I don't get on with many members of the family and I've got anger built up all the time. Its really quite vile.

My friends are pretty good to me but none of them would consider me as their 'best friend' and I tend to go out alot when invited but suddenly feeling so antisocial and not wanting to go out at all.

The place where I live is pretty ****ed up. You could get killed/seriously beaten by gangs of teenagers if you walk around at the wrong time and the police would prosecute with a maximum of around 6 months in youth offenders or community service.

As you can see I am very cynical. Feel free to judge me, laugh at me or whatever. Tell me your opinions if you like, I needed to say what I felt.

Reply 1

tom151

get on the next flight to bangkok.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

nice to know people take me seriously.

Reply 3

scribble_girl

If you'd like to chat to someone who knows; add me on MSN. Address is in my profile. :hugs:

Reply 4

crankycaz

Aw that rabbit is cute.

But turning back to the OP...do you feel the need to settle your sexuality out now? You could just go with the flow and see what you feel in a few years time when you're hopefully out of where you live right now. If you're going to uni, I'd imagine there are all sorts of people there and most people will have quite liberal attitudes.

I think you were right to not meet the guy off the internet...I doubt any good would have come from it. There'll be plenty of nice guys at uni and you may feel more comfortable in that sort of environment, rather than just meeting someone off the internet.

Do try and have a good time with your friends when you get asked out, otherwise they'll stop asking you to come out with them if you seem reluctant to go. They don't need to know about your sexuality...but if you ever did feel happy with coming out, I'd imagine they'd be more accepting than you'd expect, and you never know, other people might pluck up the courage to come out as well.

If you're having bisexual feelings and don't feel up to coming out at the moment, why not just concentrate on the 'acceptable' sex for now and then there'll be more to come later in life?

Chin up mate, although it may feel like you're alone, you're not the only one!

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

thanks for your reply.. It just feels so annoying not being able to hook up with someone of my sexual preference if you get me.

Reply 6

decoy

Oh my god, someone get me that bunny!! haha well cuuuute.

crankycaz has a point, there is no pressure in you having to label your sexuality, just go with the flow.

As to the guy you were going to meet, there is no loss there between you two not meeting, but to say you'll never get the chance again is silly. It takes a lot to come out (trust me, took me 19 years haha - but i'm all the better for it). You have to come to terms with yourself before you can tell your friends and family about it.

If you wanna talk about the whole "coming out" lark, or just want a chat about it then give me a pm and i'll give you my msn.

Hope you feel better soon :]]

p.s. By hooking up with sexual preference do you mean boys? try joining gaydar, dunno what the boy version is like but i've met some nice people through gaydargirls, not for sexy time mind, just chatting to them, getting to know people with the same sexual preference as me.

Reply 7

crankycaz

Yeah, although I'm straight I can imagine how it must be quite frustrating not to be able to just be yourself without getting the piss taken and stuff. It's really strange, my cousin came out to her mum, my mum and me that she's a lesbian and we weren't bothered really at all - she's still my cousin. But for some reason my dad asked my mum if it was something to do with how she was brought up/her childhood, type thing. I don't see it like that at all, it's just people are different, lol.

I'd recommend chatting on that gaydar thing, it seems fairly harmless and you can chat with similar people who will be feeling the same.

Also, with coming out to your friends: without you even realising it, some of them may have picked up that you're bi anyway. I've got quite a few gay friends (orchestras seem to be gay hotspots! :biggrin:

) and some have come out, others haven't, but you can generally see who's just waiting for the right ime to come out...it's just for then when the right time is.

Reply 8

yellow96

No offence OP, I know it must be frustrating, but that rabbit is the best reply to a topic in H&R that I've seen in a long time. I suppose there's some advice to be gained from it, if your inferences are skewed enough. You know, life's just a bunch of laughs really. When life gives you rabbits, put stuff on them. There're good things in this world yet. Lies, of course, but reassuring.

Reply 9

8urtay

I'm always here to talk if you want (PM me and ill give you my msn).

I'm bi and have quite a similar background,

difference being that i did quite a few things with guys before realising that i wanted a girlfriend and something more long term.

When your unsure about things, and you try it on with a guy it can be very uncomfortable and may not feel right at all!