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Scared of forming relationships Watch

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    I think I have a dear of forming relationships and I was wondering if anyone can relate?

    I've been single for a while and would really like to meet Mr Right, but I think have a fear of forming relationships. I opened my heart to someone once and was really let down and I never want to go through that again. I've been single for 3 years and time is ticking but I think even if I try and date, I might subconsciously sabotage those prospective relationships.

    Can anyone relate?
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    yeah, me too. i have an impressive track record of self-sabotage.
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    I want a gf, but am scared of screwing myslef up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think I have a dear of forming relationships and I was wondering if anyone can relate?

    I've been single for a while and would really like to meet Mr Right, but I think have a fear of forming relationships. I opened my heart to someone once and was really let down and I never want to go through that again. I've been single for 3 years and time is ticking but I think even if I try and date, I might subconsciously sabotage those prospective relationships.

    Can anyone relate?
    Yes same omg
    I'm fine with people that I can't see working out long term, but as soon as I start getting close to someone I break up with them :/ I only noticed this pattern recently, but it kinda sucks to not be able to bring myself to open up and stuff. The only good thing is that I'm still really young, so have lotsa time to change ^-^
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    That was me. Took me a long while to get here. Sometimes you just know when someone is worth your time and you have to take a leap of faith.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    That was me. Took me a long while to get here. Sometimes you just know when someone is worth your time and you have to take a leap of faith.
    My leaps of faith are often leaps into the bottomless pit. Meaning I fear that they'll never work. I'm a self-doubter.
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    Honestly just treat it like a friendship and dont think too much. Without making yourself paranoid I would be of the biew it lasts as long as it lasts and it may end naturally, which is fine. I couldnt get wound up over worrying about long term just whether it was better than being single for the time it lasts from week to week. Putting too much pressure on things is a surefire way of making it impossible to meet your expectations.
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    (Original post by Mvine001)
    My leaps of faith are often leaps into the bottomless pit. Meaning I fear that they'll never work. I'm a self-doubter.
    I understand that. I've spent a good ten years worrying about every single detail when it came to dating. I didn't really enjoy dating because I was constantly overthinking everything and I found every possible way to mess things up. I honestly thought I wouldn't ever find anyone.

    I had to let my guard down and let someone in. I mean it helped that we were friends for a while and from there a relationship formed. If the opportunity arises and someone asks you out and granted you like them enough you should give them a chance. There's no harm in seeing how it goes. Don't have any expectations either.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Honestly just treat it like a friendship and dont think too much. Without making yourself paranoid I would be of the biew it lasts as long as it lasts and it may end naturally, which is fine. I couldnt get wound up over worrying about long term just whether it was better than being single for the time it lasts from week to week. Putting too much pressure on things is a surefire way of making it impossible to meet your expectations.
    That's impossible for me. I can't hide my feelings, no matter how hard I try.
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    (Original post by Mvine001)
    That's impossible for me. I can't hide my feelings, no matter how hard I try.
    I think you need to pace yourself. If you go too serious too fast then you get out of sync with the other person and you could scare them off, If you cnat hide your feelings then yoi need to be ready that if it comes to an end as most relationships will, then yu get a bump. Its a danger you put too much emphasis on it and think too long term which creates pressure and could cause it to collpase before its strong enough. You could end up making the other person feeling trapped or going way too fast for their liking.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Really nice to see responses showing I'm not alone.

    I would prefer to start off purely as friends too, but I struggle to hide my feelings.

    There's such a paradox, I easily make friends with guys I don't fancy but I struggle to make friends with guys I fancy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Really nice to see responses showing I'm not alone.

    I would prefer to start off purely as friends too, but I struggle to hide my feelings.

    There's such a paradox, I easily make friends with guys I don't fancy but I struggle to make friends with guys I fancy.
    I can't get a gf because of my feelings.
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    (Original post by Mvine001)
    That's impossible for me. I can't hide my feelings, no matter how hard I try.
    Try some social dating where not as much hangs on it. You are making things more difficult for yourself than needs be. Just dating as a means of companionship/ friendship for the evening.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Try some social dating where not as much hangs on it. You are making things more difficult for yourself than needs be. Just dating as a means of companionship/ friendship for the evening.
    Won't happen. Knowing me, I'll screw that up in about 30 seconds.
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    (Original post by Mvine001)
    Won't happen. Knowing me, I'll screw that up in about 30 seconds.
    Guess you need some self esteem training. Lack of confidence in yourself not a good luck to win someone else over.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Guess you need some self esteem training. Lack of confidence in yourself not a good luck to win someone else over.
    HOW????????????????????????????? ?????
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    (Original post by Mvine001)
    HOW????????????????????????????? ?????
    Sorry off out at the moment.

    Heres a guide that looks ok but there are many others.

    http://www.gov.scot/resource/doc/98780/0023944.pdf
    http://www.firststeps-surrey.nhs.uk/...ce_booklet.pdf

    Its generally about becoming more confident and comfy in your own skin. Recognising your way of thinking and making sure it doesnt hold you back unreasonably.

    If you cant do it yourself then you could go to your GP and ask to be referred to a therapist.

    If you are at uni, then they will be used to dealing with people who have anxiety issues and they may have a course or counselor yo can chat to and give you advice on how to start dealing with the issue.

    You do need to adress it though as it seems to be making your life a lot less pleasant than you would like.
 
 
 
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