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GCSE Creative Writing can someone grade this?

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    THIS IS MY VERY FIRST DRAFT SO I DONT EXPECT THIS TO BE IMMACULATE PLEASE CHECK WHAT I HAVE DONE WELL + IMPROVE UPON + GRADE SO FAR (GCSE LEVEL BTW)

    The Accident
    Deep down, I didn't know what had happened! In a flash of a second, my life had transformed from promising to an absolute disaster.
    Meanwhile, I preferred to be alone, in the dark, gloomy shadows which had all but been attractive to me. It was who I was as a person. But we should just get to the point. My name is Navid, I study at the University of Manchester and everything happened 6 months ago.

    As I merely started University a week ago, I felt at the top of the game of life. I had it all. Subsequently, leaving home was one of the easiest moments, I ever had to do. You heard me right, my family had mistreated me, ever since I was merely a child but it didn’t stop me from achieving what I have in life. Every night I studied in darkness, so much it becomes the usual reality for me. That was until I received the letter, finding out that I could join one of the most prestigious medical schools in the world. From a child, being told you would never be bright enough, to a medical student studying at the University of Manchester.

    Immediately, I made friends in Manchester, my best friend was Stefan – he was the son of a wealthy real estate owner in London. Whenever, he asked about where I was from I uttered with assertiveness “…I’m from West London”. Yet the truth is, I wasn’t from West London I was born and bred in a terraced house opposite a one stop on the less attractive side of Middlesbrough. At that time, all I wanted was to live a life that was worth living, after all I have been through surely I deserve at least this?

    Before very long, I always used to bump into a girl almost everyday whilst walking into the lecture halls. Silently, she smiled with her pearl-white teeth glistening to the heavy sun beating down. Incautiously, she planted one foot onto the unsatisfying-grey tarmac ground of the car park until … CRASH! SCREECH! BANG! Windows hesitantly, shattered like crystal snowflakes covering the ground like a transparent sheet of see-through paper. Shattered. On the floor, lying (with limited movement); it was the girl. Only to realise, I was in the car. I killed her.
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    (Original post by Taran001)
    THIS IS MY VERY FIRST DRAFT SO I DONT EXPECT THIS TO BE IMMACULATE PLEASE CHECK WHAT I HAVE DONE WELL + IMPROVE UPON + GRADE SO FAR (GCSE LEVEL BTW)

    The Accident
    Deep down, I didn't know what had happened! In a flash of a second, my life had transformed from promising to an absolute disaster.
    Meanwhile, I preferred to be alone, in the dark, gloomy shadows which had all but been attractive to me. It was who I was as a person. But we should just get to the point. My name is Navid, I study at the University of Manchester and everything happened 6 months ago.

    As I merely started University a week ago, I felt at the top of the game of life. I had it all. Subsequently, leaving home was one of the easiest moments, I ever had to do. You heard me right, my family had mistreated me, ever since I was merely a child but it didn’t stop me from achieving what I have in life. Every night I studied in darkness, so much it becomes the usual reality for me. That was until I received the letter, finding out that I could join one of the most prestigious medical schools in the world. From a child, being told you would never be bright enough, to a medical student studying at the University of Manchester.

    Immediately, I made friends in Manchester, my best friend was Stefan – he was the son of a wealthy real estate owner in London. Whenever, he asked about where I was from I uttered with assertiveness “…I’m from West London”. Yet the truth is, I wasn’t from West London I was born and bred in a terraced house opposite a one stop on the less attractive side of Middlesbrough. At that time, all I wanted was to live a life that was worth living, after all I have been through surely I deserve at least this?

    Before very long, I always used to bump into a girl almost everyday whilst walking into the lecture halls. Silently, she smiled with her pearl-white teeth glistening to the heavy sun beating down. Incautiously, she planted one foot onto the unsatisfying-grey tarmac ground of the car park until … CRASH! SCREECH! BANG! Windows hesitantly, shattered like crystal snowflakes covering the ground like a transparent sheet of see-through paper. Shattered. On the floor, lying (with limited movement); it was the girl. Only to realise, I was in the car. I killed her.
    Your detail and setting is good, but in the last paragraph things seem to not make much grammatical sense and while I get what you're trying to do it starts to sound a bit sporadic. The rest is nice though
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    Thank you so much for replying, here is some rep!
    What grade do you think this would be roughly?
    (Original post by Gingerbread101)
    Your detail and setting is good, but in the last paragraph things seem to not make much grammatical sense and while I get what you're trying to do it starts to sound a bit sporadic. The rest is nice though
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    (Original post by Taran001)
    Thank you so much for replying, here is some rep!
    What grade do you think this would be roughly?
    Possibly a C or a B? I generally make a point of only giving feedback rather than grades because I'm not trained on the mark schemes
 
 
 
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