So my first week of university hasn't been that great in terms of socialising and making friends. I am not depressed or anything but I feel down somewhat
Ok so before I start I just want to share a bit of information about myself to make things clearer: I'm a guy (from an ethnic minority group I guess), studying psychology (1st year) and I'm generally friendly/funny. I'm not into drinking/clubbing sadly and I know some people are going to say it's because of this that I haven't made many friends. But surely you can still meet and befriend fellow peers in other places/events right? Or am I doomed because I don't partake in drinking culture? I also commute to uni. Most people that I've met so far and gotten along with have been from societies. Though the societies don't fully start till next week so I haven't met everyone yet. I'm also joining a language course next week (Italian) as an extra curricular thing, so I hope to meet like-minded people there and the classes are also smaller so it'll be easier to get to know people. My worries lie with the year group of my main course. I kind of attended freshers week but not all of the events since the first half of the week i was really ill and bedridden. I tried attending some events even though I was not feeling too well but I barely met anyone from my course, just people from other degrees like politics and law etc. Therefore I never really knew anyone from my course on the first day when lectures started and felt lonely haha. Everyone seems to have formed their own little social groups and friends already, which was really a surprise! It's hard to approach people when they're in their groups and they don't seem interested in me either. Most of my year group is made up of girls which makes things even harder I am confident in talking to girls but I have to say it's much easier for me personally to befriend guys and I don't really have any close friends who are girls. I tried approaching a few of the girls usually when they're not with their friends but on every occasion I've been shunned as in I was the only one carrying on the conversation and they didn't seem bothered on getting to know me. This really hit me and my confidence kind of dropped. I'm sure not every girl on my course is like this and some seem really friendly, but they just don't seem interested. I started to get funny ideas in my head and possible reasons why this is the case, like maybe it's 'cause I look ugly (dumb i know) but I was lost and couldn't figure anything out. I regrouped thankfully and stopped blaming them since it's silly to make baseless assumptions. But sometimes I tend to get all negative with my thinking. When it comes to the guys, there's one guy I am getting along with right now and the only one truthfully. However even then it's usually me who goes up to him and he doesn't really hang around much after the lecture ends.
I know this all sounds melodramatic and stuff but I feel left out with no one from my course to talk to, whether it's about any assignments or getting to know each other. People told me it's much easier to make friends at university than at school since everyone is more mature and share more common interests with you but I am really sad with how things are progressing. I'm aware that I need to talk and converse with them in order to be friends but it's not easy when they all come in to the lecture hall together in groups without bothering to look around and talking to other people they may be sitting next to and leaving the lecture hall together in the same fashion. How am I supposed to go about approaching them? I am happy and confident enough to make friends with members from my societies etc but I'm not sure if I'll be close friends with them since attendance in different clubs are sporadic and inconsistent. I wish i got to know someone from my psychology course since I'll spend most of my time studying with them during these 3/4 years at uni.
I tried not to sound too negative as I'm generally an upbeat and chilled guy but if anyone has any suggestions I would gladly appreciate them. Hopefully next week will be better and things may change.
Finding it hard to make friends at Uni Watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-09-2016 19:35
- 28-09-2016 19:51
You sound like a likeable dude, the guy I lived with last year didn't drink, and he's honestly a really popular guy, one of the funniest I've met and no one cares that he doesn't drink. You don't live in halls, which means fresher's week didn't affect you so much, but things can change.
Societies are a great place to meet people, if you turn up at the right ones and make an effort to talk with people you could get along with, you'll make lots of friends. I did just that, and never expected to make friends - but I did, and if someone like me can do it I'm pretty sure you can.
Take a look around the student room (there are some dicks here, ignore them), so many people have this problem that they feel left out at the beginning and honestly it usually doesn't stay that way. Don't be disheartened - so long as you keep your head up you'll meet some people you really like, and when you do, they'll invite you to socialise with them.
Making friends gets easier the more you have, because you'll feel more confident and they'll introduce you to their other friends. If you make just two really close friends yourself, chances are you'll hang out with them and meet friends of theirs you get along with... and then the cycle continues.
- 28-09-2016 20:53
You can also try to hang out with postgrads, they are generally less engaged in drinking activities.
- 16-01-2017 03:08
What uni do you go to? I have the same problem it seems like people aren't really engaging with me when I try to approach them since they're already in their own little groups