An autistic boy is obsessed with me
Hi, I'm in Year 12 and I started a new school this September. From the very first day, an autistic boy in the secondary school has been stalking me, and it's driving me crazy. At first it was funny, because he would always say hi to me though I had no clue who he was. My friends and I would laugh at him because we didn't realise he was autistic at that time, and maybe his friends dared him to talk to me. Then it started getting a bit worrying: every day he would wait for me at the school entrance to follow me all the way to the sixth form block, where only sixth form students are allowed, and then be kicked out. Our 'conversations' range from him saying 'how are you' to 'what do you think about me' and 'I really like you'. Recently, he would look through the windows of the sixth form block and wave at me while everyone laughs at him. At first I would try to give him hints that I find him annoying, like giving one word answers. I even blatantly said 'I think you're annoying' when he asked me what I think of him. Today was the first time I told him to go away and to stop following me because I don't like being followed, but he claimed, word for word, that he will 'never ever stop following me' which is super creepy!
At lunch today, I sitting with my friends when he came up to me. We all told him to go away but he refused. Even the teachers told him to leave us alone but he completely ignored them and continued to try to talk to me. My friend let me switch seats so I wasn't sitting next to him, but he just stared at me from the other side of the table. I told my teacher about him. She said he even wrote piece of English work about me, his 'new year 12 best friend'. Half my name was in it because he couldn't spell my full name, and now I realised why one day he came with pen and paper asking me how to spell my name, but I refused to tell him. I don't know what to do! I can't be full out mean to him because he's autistic, in fact I've already been meaner than I should have been. I don't know how to handle autistic people. I'm afraid that if I'm horrible that he might take up self harming or be scarred for life. But I really need to get rid of him, not only for my sake but for his too! He seeks me out during school and it's disrupting his education as well. Please help me!
At lunch today, I sitting with my friends when he came up to me. We all told him to go away but he refused. Even the teachers told him to leave us alone but he completely ignored them and continued to try to talk to me. My friend let me switch seats so I wasn't sitting next to him, but he just stared at me from the other side of the table. I told my teacher about him. She said he even wrote piece of English work about me, his 'new year 12 best friend'. Half my name was in it because he couldn't spell my full name, and now I realised why one day he came with pen and paper asking me how to spell my name, but I refused to tell him. I don't know what to do! I can't be full out mean to him because he's autistic, in fact I've already been meaner than I should have been. I don't know how to handle autistic people. I'm afraid that if I'm horrible that he might take up self harming or be scarred for life. But I really need to get rid of him, not only for my sake but for his too! He seeks me out during school and it's disrupting his education as well. Please help me!
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Ouch! sticky situation.
He's bound to be someone on here, let's face it.
Tell the Police, then get restraining order
Original post by SCIENCE :D
Ouch! sticky situation.
That's what he's hoping for, I imagine.
Okay - my brother is autistic and there are certain ways of dealing with this kind of situation. As you've said that you have talked to him, he has likely taken that as you are friends (even if you don't consider yourself to be) it's likely he sees the world in binary - why would you have talked to him if you didn't like him kind of thing. He probably sees you as a friend because you have been friendly to him but doing the opposite would do much more harm than good. There should be a SEN (Special Educational Needs) department at the school, make them aware of your issue and they will be able to help you. Hope this helped xxx
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I'm in Year 12 and I started a new school this September. From the very first day, an autistic boy in the secondary school has been stalking me, and it's driving me crazy. At first it was funny, because he would always say hi to me though I had no clue who he was. My friends and I would laugh at him because we didn't realise he was autistic at that time, and maybe his friends dared him to talk to me. Then it started getting a bit worrying: every day he would wait for me at the school entrance to follow me all the way to the sixth form block, where only sixth form students are allowed, and then be kicked out. Our 'conversations' range from him saying 'how are you' to 'what do you think about me' and 'I really like you'. Recently, he would look through the windows of the sixth form block and wave at me while everyone laughs at him. At first I would try to give him hints that I find him annoying, like giving one word answers. I even blatantly said 'I think you're annoying' when he asked me what I think of him. Today was the first time I told him to go away and to stop following me because I don't like being followed, but he claimed, word for word, that he will 'never ever stop following me' which is super creepy!
At lunch today, I sitting with my friends when he came up to me. We all told him to go away but he refused. Even the teachers told him to leave us alone but he completely ignored them and continued to try to talk to me. My friend let me switch seats so I wasn't sitting next to him, but he just stared at me from the other side of the table. I told my teacher about him. She said he even wrote piece of English work about me, his 'new year 12 best friend'. Half my name was in it because he couldn't spell my full name, and now I realised why one day he came with pen and paper asking me how to spell my name, but I refused to tell him. I don't know what to do! I can't be full out mean to him because he's autistic, in fact I've already been meaner than I should have been. I don't know how to handle autistic people. I'm afraid that if I'm horrible that he might take up self harming or be scarred for life. But I really need to get rid of him, not only for my sake but for his too! He seeks me out during school and it's disrupting his education as well. Please help me!
At lunch today, I sitting with my friends when he came up to me. We all told him to go away but he refused. Even the teachers told him to leave us alone but he completely ignored them and continued to try to talk to me. My friend let me switch seats so I wasn't sitting next to him, but he just stared at me from the other side of the table. I told my teacher about him. She said he even wrote piece of English work about me, his 'new year 12 best friend'. Half my name was in it because he couldn't spell my full name, and now I realised why one day he came with pen and paper asking me how to spell my name, but I refused to tell him. I don't know what to do! I can't be full out mean to him because he's autistic, in fact I've already been meaner than I should have been. I don't know how to handle autistic people. I'm afraid that if I'm horrible that he might take up self harming or be scarred for life. But I really need to get rid of him, not only for my sake but for his too! He seeks me out during school and it's disrupting his education as well. Please help me!
I've been in this situation myself, you just have to be honest with him! Explain your own boundaries and how you do not feel comfortable with what he's doing. Establish some kind of line, because believe me, when this happened to me, he started travelling 1 hour to stand on my doorstep and tell me he thought about me. It got very creepy
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I'm in Year 12 and I started a new school this September. From the very first day, an autistic boy in the secondary school has been stalking me, and it's driving me crazy. At first it was funny, because he would always say hi to me though I had no clue who he was. My friends and I would laugh at him because we didn't realise he was autistic at that time, and maybe his friends dared him to talk to me. Then it started getting a bit worrying: every day he would wait for me at the school entrance to follow me all the way to the sixth form block, where only sixth form students are allowed, and then be kicked out. Our 'conversations' range from him saying 'how are you' to 'what do you think about me' and 'I really like you'. Recently, he would look through the windows of the sixth form block and wave at me while everyone laughs at him. At first I would try to give him hints that I find him annoying, like giving one word answers. I even blatantly said 'I think you're annoying' when he asked me what I think of him. Today was the first time I told him to go away and to stop following me because I don't like being followed, but he claimed, word for word, that he will 'never ever stop following me' which is super creepy!
At lunch today, I sitting with my friends when he came up to me. We all told him to go away but he refused. Even the teachers told him to leave us alone but he completely ignored them and continued to try to talk to me. My friend let me switch seats so I wasn't sitting next to him, but he just stared at me from the other side of the table. I told my teacher about him. She said he even wrote piece of English work about me, his 'new year 12 best friend'. Half my name was in it because he couldn't spell my full name, and now I realised why one day he came with pen and paper asking me how to spell my name, but I refused to tell him. I don't know what to do! I can't be full out mean to him because he's autistic, in fact I've already been meaner than I should have been. I don't know how to handle autistic people. I'm afraid that if I'm horrible that he might take up self harming or be scarred for life. But I really need to get rid of him, not only for my sake but for his too! He seeks me out during school and it's disrupting his education as well. Please help me!
At lunch today, I sitting with my friends when he came up to me. We all told him to go away but he refused. Even the teachers told him to leave us alone but he completely ignored them and continued to try to talk to me. My friend let me switch seats so I wasn't sitting next to him, but he just stared at me from the other side of the table. I told my teacher about him. She said he even wrote piece of English work about me, his 'new year 12 best friend'. Half my name was in it because he couldn't spell my full name, and now I realised why one day he came with pen and paper asking me how to spell my name, but I refused to tell him. I don't know what to do! I can't be full out mean to him because he's autistic, in fact I've already been meaner than I should have been. I don't know how to handle autistic people. I'm afraid that if I'm horrible that he might take up self harming or be scarred for life. But I really need to get rid of him, not only for my sake but for his too! He seeks me out during school and it's disrupting his education as well. Please help me!
Awww,
looks like he thinks you're "speshal" too OP
Original post by SilverActor2033
Okay - my brother is autistic and there are certain ways of dealing with this kind of situation. As you've said that you have talked to him, he has likely taken that as you are friends (even if you don't consider yourself to be) it's likely he sees the world in binary - why would you have talked to him if you didn't like him kind of thing. He probably sees you as a friend because you have been friendly to him but doing the opposite would do much more harm than good. There should be a SEN (Special Educational Needs) department at the school, make them aware of your issue and they will be able to help you. Hope this helped xxx
This is a good idea.
I've been on the receiving end of someone's obsession (more than once) and went to the police the first time because he wouldn't leave me alone. They said because he has Autism, (I do too) they're not going to do anything. We met through a group and I raised my concerns there. They kicked him out in the end because several people had said his behaviour wasn't appropriate.
OP - you need to explain to him what is and isn't appropriate in terms of boundaries. For example, the guy I mentioned, used to moan at me and said I was a rubbish friend because I didn't want attention all the time. I can happily go weeks without talking to a close friend of mine, which we're both happy with.
We're no longer friends because he just wanted attention all the time and wouldn't leave me alone.
I am a 31 year old autistic adult. I have largely outgrown most of the autism which I know main stream say cannot happen but if you look into more recent stuff it does sometimes.
growing up i misunderstood things and made cringworthy ground swallow me up social blunders. Silveractor is right that he might see the world in a binary way. This is not always the case though.
the problem can be with our PC culture,people sometimes don't like to tell someone off who has a disability (I dont think autism is a disability but it is seen as one).
Usually a good approach would be to explain your concerns and how uncomfortable he is making you feel to someone in his family like a brother or sister. They should care about him and be concerned thus hopefully having a serious word with him. Unless they take the attitude that he is autistic and can't help it. In which case he will likely have serious issues and be unlikely to ever really go anywhere. Autistic people may not be great socially, and they may take long to understand social etiquette However usually they can understand something is not acceptable if explained to them in the right way, just it may take them longer.
One thing though I would not mention that you or your friends laughed at him. Or anything like that because you would fast go from the innocent normal girl who is concerned about his behavior and feels uncomfortable to the nasty ***** bully. Not saying you are just people with autistic children and siblings can be very protective and that is likely how they will see you if you said we used to make fun of him or laugh at him etc.
Also though you shouldn't laugh at or make fun of anyone everyone has feelings its not just autistic individuals that self harm.
growing up i misunderstood things and made cringworthy ground swallow me up social blunders. Silveractor is right that he might see the world in a binary way. This is not always the case though.
the problem can be with our PC culture,people sometimes don't like to tell someone off who has a disability (I dont think autism is a disability but it is seen as one).
Usually a good approach would be to explain your concerns and how uncomfortable he is making you feel to someone in his family like a brother or sister. They should care about him and be concerned thus hopefully having a serious word with him. Unless they take the attitude that he is autistic and can't help it. In which case he will likely have serious issues and be unlikely to ever really go anywhere. Autistic people may not be great socially, and they may take long to understand social etiquette However usually they can understand something is not acceptable if explained to them in the right way, just it may take them longer.
One thing though I would not mention that you or your friends laughed at him. Or anything like that because you would fast go from the innocent normal girl who is concerned about his behavior and feels uncomfortable to the nasty ***** bully. Not saying you are just people with autistic children and siblings can be very protective and that is likely how they will see you if you said we used to make fun of him or laugh at him etc.
Also though you shouldn't laugh at or make fun of anyone everyone has feelings its not just autistic individuals that self harm.
Like everyone is saying, make sure you make it VERY clear to him that you are uncomfortable and want him to stop. A lot of Autistic people struggle with boundaries so you do have to be very clear and blunt before it escalates.
Get a restraining order, you can't be too careful with such creeps.
Original post by shawn_o1
This guy seems to be using autism as a justification of his actions which are clearly causing distress to OP. Yet it seems nobody can tell him straight or he will fall into a vicious cycle of depression. Are kids made out of glass these days?
This is post is right on the money. Autism is often used to excuse bad behaviour and I for one am sick to ****ing death of it.
I had this happen to me at college years ago by an autistic boy I went to school with a few years before. I didn't know him at school but he remembered me and approached me the first day at college and would wait for me outside my classes, wait at the front door for me arriving, added me on fb, asked to sit with me at lunch.
I thought he was a nice enough guy and all that but I know sometimes people with autism don't know personal space boundaries so at times I felt like he was smothering me. I didn't want to hurt his feelings as he probably didn't know any better and he was a nice guy and I tried thongs like walking a different way to college, leaving class earlier or later than usual and even got my boyfriend to show up at college to try and give him the hint but in the end, I ended up talking to his sister who I found out was in the same department as me and she was very understanding and I told her because I didn't want him getting any wrong ideas and thinking we were anything other than friends and didn't want him to get hurt. He eventually calmed down after that and would sometimes sit with me at lunch if he had no one else which was perfectly fine and we'd still say he and wave when we saw each other and overall, I'd say he has learned some boundaries.
I do agree that you should laugh about someone health conditions. What they do might appear strange and eccentric to us but it's no reason to laugh. A little empathy can go a long way but at the same time, they do have to respect your own boundaries.
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I thought he was a nice enough guy and all that but I know sometimes people with autism don't know personal space boundaries so at times I felt like he was smothering me. I didn't want to hurt his feelings as he probably didn't know any better and he was a nice guy and I tried thongs like walking a different way to college, leaving class earlier or later than usual and even got my boyfriend to show up at college to try and give him the hint but in the end, I ended up talking to his sister who I found out was in the same department as me and she was very understanding and I told her because I didn't want him getting any wrong ideas and thinking we were anything other than friends and didn't want him to get hurt. He eventually calmed down after that and would sometimes sit with me at lunch if he had no one else which was perfectly fine and we'd still say he and wave when we saw each other and overall, I'd say he has learned some boundaries.
I do agree that you should laugh about someone health conditions. What they do might appear strange and eccentric to us but it's no reason to laugh. A little empathy can go a long way but at the same time, they do have to respect your own boundaries.
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