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I want to say thank you how weird ?

Basically I broke up 6 months ago, well my ex dumped me...he cheated on me, I found out, he dumped me accusing me of not trustring him..it was ended by a text, I know it sounds pathetic

So here I am, after 6 months working on improving myself I feel great although thinking about the past hurts me

We both deleted each other from MSN, I also deleted him from my Yahoo list but I'm still on his list so ...the other day, I appeared online and he from no where started the conversation with me. We talked civilly, didn't mention anything about the relationship etc..

Yesterday, out of boredom, I added him again on MSN, don't know if he will accept it or not.. I simply don't want him back and not yet want to be friends with him...I mean I was too bored so I added him ..

Back in those days when we first went out, I was an emotional wreck as many things bad which I didn't expect happened to me and he supported me a lot, I think without his support at that time I couldn't have been like today, working to get back those things that I lost

Although during the relationship, he did emotionally black-mail me, cheated on me without me knowing it, abandoned me for months then dumped me the first time, he begged and I took him back...then the 2nd break up came

Well, he did nasty things to me but deep down inside I don't feel much the hatred, resentment towards him.. I just really want to send him an e-mail or something saying thank you for supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life and helping me to getting back to normal and feel motivated at that time

It's not like I'm pining for him but I do sincerely want to say thank you and well I do treat him differently since he was my 1st bf :redface:

What can I do now? Send him an email or not as some ppl say it will just boost the jerk's ego and make him feel great for dumping me...

His b'day is coming, should I send a line saying Happy B'day instead ?

Please give me some advice, I'm so confused :frown:

Reply 1

bunthulhu

14

He cheated on you and dumped you by text, and you want to thank him?

Quite frankly, that up there is the bottom line. You really shouldn't do it.

Reply 2

Anannya

8

Okay so you might feel like you owe him something for sticking with you during your tough times but whatever he did to support you then, was degraded by doing all those nasty things like cheating on you, dumping you for not trusting him when he was the one who did the cheating, and so on. Don't send him a thank you. He does not need to be thanked for treating you like ****.

Reply 3

JC.

19

Think carefully.
Do you want further contact with the guy after sending him a message? Chances are he's going to write back...
That might be a positive thing but then again sometimes you aught to just leave things be.

I hurt someone recently. I broke up with my fiance and started going out with this new girl... She's a really nice person but I just didnt love her like I did my fiance. She thought, wrongly, that i was something special. :s-smilie:

Really... she built me up into something i wasnt and when i told her it was over she was pretty crushed. It was a case of hurt her now rather than a month down the line when shes more in love with me which would have meant hurting her more...
Ive wanted to contact her the last few weeks and see how shes doing, but I know that would be a mistake. The less i'm involved in her life the less she will think of me. Maybe the same should apply to your situation?
Maybe not.

Im not giving out answers just exploring options...so proberbly not all that helpful then.

Jon.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you for all the replies so far

I think the reason why I want to thank him has something to do with my up-bringing.. my mum always tells me to thank people when they do good things to me and if they do something bad, try to forgive them if possible and do not hold resentment towards them

I don't know what this guy is really thinking as after the 1st break-up he often asked our common friend how i was doing, and even after the 2nd, he asked that friend again although he was the one who dumped me : confused:

Reply 5

Segat1

16

Right, so according to what your mum told you, you should also thank people for being complete ***** to you?

It matters not what help he gave you, he then turned around and **** all over you. And you want to THANK HIM? .......

Reply 6

PhilMc

16

Eh. You shouldn't!

Reply 7

Purple-Sparkle

He doesn't deserve your thankyou. He treat you like rubbish and he didn't love you. He probably wanted you back because he knew you would take him back. Cut contact with him and don't thank him for anything. You will get over him and find someone much better....but only when you cut him out of your life....

Reply 8

lea164

He sounds like a horrible person, but if you feel you need to say thank you then do it. It takes a mature person to see the good in people, as you have done with him, and to be able to thank them despite all the bad things he has done. I don't see any harm in emailing him to say thanks.

Reply 9

Phantom Phoenix

13

OP, it sounds like your actual motive isn't to thank him, but to get back in touch with him (and thanking him is an excuse - why would you want to after how he treated you?). I've been in a similar situation and really wanted to get back in touch with the guy (under some polite pretext) for about a year afterwards - but I was well aware that this was just the fact that I wasn't over him and deep down thought that if we got back in touch, he might take me back. Yes, he cheated on me, but I was naive and, sadly, in love with this utter twerp.

I don't know what exactly you're hoping to get out of contacting your ex, but I think you should examine your motives very carefully before you do something you'll wish you hadn't later.

Reply 10

HereFishyFishy

13

Don't be bloody silly OP. If you thank him he is going to instantly think that you want to get back with him. And then he probably will (as you do seem to want to get back with him), and it'll turn into a big, crappy mess, where you'll have to start the recovery process all over again.
Don't do it.

Reply 11

bunthulhu

14

lea164

He sounds like a horrible person, but if you feel you need to say thank you then do it. It takes a mature person to see the good in people, as you have done with him, and to be able to thank them despite all the bad things he has done. I don't see any harm in emailing him to say thanks.

I see the harm in him thinking she's a complete pushover!

There's a big difference between being mature and being naive, and this is the latter. She owes him absolutely nothing, least of all thanks. I can't see how this will do anything except make her look silly.

Reply 12

lea164

bunthulhu

I see the harm in him thinking she's a complete pushover!

There's a big difference between being mature and being naive, and this is the latter. She owes him absolutely nothing, least of all thanks. I can't see how this will do anything except make her look silly.

Fair point but maybe by saying thank you it will give her the closure to move on and forget about him. By saying thank you it doesn't mean she has to have contact with him again or get back together with him.

Reply 13

bunthulhu

14

lea164

Fair point but maybe by saying thank you it will give her the closure to move on and forget about him. By saying thank you it doesn't mean she has to have contact with him again or get back together with him.

I guess it's possible. All I know is that I've done stupid things like that in the past and I'd bet good money that if she does it, she will really regret it later on for leaving him with the impression that she has any kind of respect for him!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Aww...thank you so much for all the advice, I think I won't do it even just a Happy B'day note..

Phantom Phoenix : U got me right somehow, I'm not completely over him yet :frown:

Today I got to know that he didn't add me on his list but didn't block me either...but anyway I decided to completely delete his contact and block it as well...

I'm a bit emotionally weak, one minute I can do the reasoning to myself that will do me no good, another minute I feel like I have to say thankyou to him ..Uhm Im always like that, and I really want to change to be more assertive

But anyway, thanks so much for ur advice as they've been very helpful to get this thought off my mind :smile:

Reply 15

Cristo

You've waited far too long, it'll be weird and awkward and send some really weird signals, like you're maybe hinting at something.

Plus, he was a complete ****** to you. So I wouldn't advise you sending him a thank you note.

Reply 16

Dragon24

17

There's no need to thank him, people just know when they were appreciated. He may have helped you but the cons far outweigh the pros. Its hard when they are your first love but don't allow him to hurt you again, a nice guy may come along when you least expect it and an annoying messy ex wouldn't help!

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Im really grateful for ur support

I don't really know how to deal with this guy as we have that common friend and that's his best mate but he's close to me as we're at the same uni and that friend is really nice to me as well except for the part that he concealed my ex's cheating and I found out through his e-mail address when he gave me the password to help him with few things.

Can anyone give me more advice ? :frown:

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Anyone?

Reply 19