The Student Room Group

Confused - says he doesnt want to break up but I think he does

I'm so confused and upset right now. Me and my boyfriend have been together about 4 months. We met at uni during the last term. So far we've been apart for about 9 weeks (because of the summer hols) but we've been meeting up every other weekend and staying over eachother's houses.

Earlier he sent me a text completely out of the blue saying he didnt know if everything was ok with us because hes "finding the distance hard". He said it would be different if we were at uni and he "still really likes me".

Thing is, we're only an hour apart so the distance isnt as much of an issue as hes saying it is! We speak every day and see eachother a few times a month so I dont understand the problem. I was really upset and pointed out that we'll be back at uni in 6 weeks anyway so why is he suddenly dumping me because of distance.

Anyway he phoned me and said he didnt want to break up with me, he just wanted to let me know hes finding it difficult. He wants to meet up with me more often and said he wishes he'd never said anything. Hes left me really confused. If he didnt want to break up, why did he say all the classic "i still like you though" stuff that made it sound like he was dumping me?

My friends think he's playing mind games with me because hes always doing this sort of thing (ie saying one thing then completely changing it to another). He always turns it around on me as well, accusing me of not talking to him enough I ask why he hasnt texted/called lately. Just so confused.

I dont know what to do. He says he'll talk to me about it later but should I dump him before he dumps me? Why is he acting like this if he doesnt actually want to break up? :frown:
Reply 1
oh for christ's sake.

a) you're reading far too much into this. he's a guy. he wants to see you more, but the distance prohibits it. this upsets him. but he says he's cool with it. and if he says that, then he is.

b) if you dump him just because you think he's about to dump you, you're a complete idiot and clearly can't think the relationship is at all special.
Reply 2
I know but saying stuff like "it would all be different if circumstances were different" and "i still really like you but.." seems a bit dodgy to me. If I said that to someone, it'd be preceding a break up :confused:
Reply 3
pipsipops
oh for christ's sake.

a) you're reading far too much into this. he's a guy. he wants to see you more, but the distance prohibits it. this upsets him. but he says he's cool with it. and if he says that, then he is.

b) if you dump him just because you think he's about to dump you, you're a complete idiot and clearly can't think the relationship is at all special.


Well said! :smile:
pipsipops
oh for christ's sake.

a) you're reading far too much into this. he's a guy. he wants to see you more, but the distance prohibits it. this upsets him. but he says he's cool with it. and if he says that, then he is.

b) if you dump him just because you think he's about to dump you, you're a complete idiot and clearly can't think the relationship is at all special.



This pretty much sums up the whole thing.

OP you are overreacting and your friends don't know **** to be honest, there not you and not in your personal situation.

The guy was honest with you saying simply he was upset with the situation and he would rather be back at uni with you.

The reason why he wishes he didnt say what he did now is purely because of this post, you overeacting.
Just see how things go, try and see eachother more often if it's what you both want. He probably just misses you a lot, going from seeing you every day (I'm assuming you did, at uni) to seeing you once a week isn't something he's used to.
I think he just misses you. If he wanted to break up with you, he would of! Stop being paranoid and just go with the flow.