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Okay its been over a month since me and my gf broke up (it was long distance relationship which was about 4.5 months long officially but about 9 unofficially and we broke up because of the distance). Anyway i was wondering how long on average it takes to get over someone?

At the moment i feel like im ready to see other people etc. The problem is, i'll have some really high points where i dont miss my ex at all but theres also some points where i miss her so bad. It doesnt help much when we both agreed that we'll most likely be giving it another go when im at university next year and probably living half an hour away. So its like theres two clashing feelings; the first being a happy feeling because we'll being giving it another go in less than a year if neither of us has met anyone else, and then theres the feeling of helplessness because i cant turn my feelings for her off about a quarter of the time but i want to move on, at least until im at university to see if theres still any feelings between us by then.

I just wanted your opinion on what i could do to try and help with situation without resorting to cutting her out of my life, which some other people i know have suggested.

Thanks in advance :smile:

Reply 1

randomgirl

14

The fact that you might give it another go is making it wayyyy harder for you to get closure.

In order to move on (even temporarily) I think you need the closure, you need to know that there is nothing between the two of you. However the fact that you may get back together in future is preventing this.

Reply 2

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

randomgirl

The fact that you might give it another go is making it wayyyy harder for you to get closure.

In order to move on (even temporarily) I think you need the closure, you need to know that there is nothing between the two of you. However the fact that you may get back together in future is preventing this.

Yeah you got it spot on i think. You have any ideas on how i could get closure (in a sense)? Anything you can think of would be great.

P.S. We both said we still love each other, so its kind of a really @#?%£* up situation

Reply 3

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

Anyone got any advice? I'd really appreciate it at the moment :smile:

Reply 4

khil

15

If you two love each other this much, then get back together. What's the point in "breaking up while it's hard and then let's get back together when it's easy"? If you can't go through the hard times, then the relationship won't last anyway and it'll eventually end. And if you can go through the hard times because you love each other that much, then stick together. In the end, if you're gonna give it another go for definite when you move to uni, then you two haven't truly ended it anyway in my opinion. That's like a relationship has still carried on in truth but not in name, but it's still there nonetheless.

Reply 5

Angelil

19

You broke up because of the distance? God, I hate it when people say that. It really is just the lamest excuse for an excuse. If you love each other then GET BACK TOGETHER.

Reply 6

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

Angelil

You broke up because of the distance? God, I hate it when people say that. It really is just the lamest excuse for an excuse. If you love each other then GET BACK TOGETHER.

By any chance are you saying she just didnt love me any more lol? I know that thats not the case but its a bit personal to mention the reason of how i know that.

Reply 7

Angelil

19

Nope, I'm saying that breaking up because of the distance is lame. You read into it what you want.

Reply 8

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

Ahh, i hope i didnt seem snappy. Just wasnt sure what you meant. And yeah, its pretty lame breaking up over crappy distance :frown:

Reply 9

tourist

9

Agree with Angelil.

I also don't understand why if you're planning on getting together again at uni time you want to start to "move on" and see someone else now?

Reply 10

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

tourist

Agree with Angelil.

I also don't understand why if you're planning on getting together again at uni time you want to start to "move on" and see someone else now?

Well it wasnt actually my idea that, but my ex wanted to get a bit more dating experience before she commited to a long term relationship. I think it kind of scared her. But yeah, i think me and her would both like a little more dating experience before we fully commited. I'd like to explain in a bit more detail but it gets a bit too personal to fully explain why she wants more dating experience.

Reply 11

Tasha89

Angelil

You broke up because of the distance? God, I hate it when people say that. It really is just the lamest excuse for an excuse. If you love each other then GET BACK TOGETHER.

yeah it's a very lame excuse, but it seems like almost all people break when the relationship becomes a long distance one, even if they are going to be apart temporarily, because they couldn't be bothered waiting and would rather move on.
Would hardly call it love!

Reply 12

Tasha89

Innuendo_anonymous

Well it wasnt actually my idea that, but my ex wanted to get a bit more dating experience before she commited to a long term relationship. I think it kind of scared her. But yeah, i think me and her would both like a little more dating experience before we fully commited. I'd like to explain in a bit more detail but it gets a bit too personal to fully explain why she wants more dating experience.

You should atleast explain a bit, because otherwise nobody would be able to offer proper advice!

Reply 13

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

Tasha89

You should atleast explain a bit, because otherwise nobody would be able to offer proper advice!

Well i'll try to explain. Basically there an age difference between me and my gf (Before anyone asks it not a huge gap or anything like that), and she's still in highschool. Anyway, she's feeling that she hasnt experienced enough of the dating world, and before she wants to settle into a longterm relationship (like a really serious relationship, we'd talked about marriage etc but neither of us wanted to get married until we're both in our mid 20's) she wants to date a few more people so she doesnt feel like she wasted a lot of her youth and not experiencied life to its fullest when she's older.

Hopefully thats helped explain things a bit better :smile:

Reply 14

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

P.s. She felt like that the distance was stopping her from experiencing some things that people who live closer together experience.

Reply 15

HeadShock

Questioning yourself is a sign that your not.

Reply 16

Tasha89

Well, since she was the one who suggested to break it off, and is more keen to 'experience things' rather than be in a relationship with you, I really don't think she loves you. You're obviously more into her than she is into you.
You don't need to cut her out of your life or anything. I mean, if you still have feelings for her when you meet her, and if she cares enough and loves you as you say, you will get back together. If you don't then, well, that would mean that you were never that close anyway and decided to move on.
I don't get what the problem is, apart from the fact that you miss her, which is bound to happen when you break up with someone.

Reply 17

Innuendo_anonymous

OP

Tasha89

Well, since she was the one who suggested to break it off, and is more keen to 'experience things' rather than be in a relationship with you, I really don't think she loves you. You're obviously more into her than she is into you.
You don't need to cut her out of your life or anything. I mean, if you still have feelings for her when you meet her, and if she cares enough and loves you as you say, you will get back together. If you don't then, well, that would mean that you were never that close anyway and decided to move on.
I don't get what the problem is, apart from the fact that you miss her, which is bound to happen when you break up with someone.

I know what you mean, but do you have any ideas why she'd say she wanted to get back together when we live closer together if she didnt love me? (When i said she wants to experience more things, she said that there are somethings that are hard to experience when you only get to see each other once every two to three weeks and that we wouldnt be breaking up if we lived closer to each other). Anyway, back to my original point of my thread lol. Any ideas on how i could try and move on without feeling like crap all the time?

Reply 18

Tasha89

Innuendo_anonymous

I know what you mean, but do you have any ideas why she'd say she wanted to get back together when we live closer together if she didnt love me?

I don't think she loves you because she wants to be with other guys for the 'experience', and then when it's convenient and she doesn't have to put in effort(which she would have to in an ldr), then she is willing to get back together, and that too only if she doesn't find someone else for herself!

Anyway, back to my original point of my thread lol. Any ideas on how i could try and move on without feeling like crap all the time?

Well, assuming you broke up recently, I guess you will feel better with time. I really don't think you can do much at the moment, since you still have strong feelings for her. Of course, go on dates with other girls; atleast try to move on. Try not to contact her too much, that will only make you feel worse (if you love her).

Reply 19

tourist

9

From personal experience moving on from someone you have feelings for but split with simply because of distance is near impossible when you're in frequent contact with them.

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