Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Girlfriend has a kid. I don't want to take the fathers place. Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I met up with girl that I got talking to online. She is really nice and have lots in common. At the beginning we would met up every week at a bar or pub for drinks just for chats.

    I didn't think she was intrested in me to assumed it would be a cool new friend hang out with. She told me that she had a kid who she wanted me to meet, normally she would take him to her parents home when she comes to meet me. So I came round met the kid, very nice polite kid me so I have no problems.

    Later on she told that she really liked and things soon moved on to more than just friends and now we're on a boyfriend/girlfriend level but still early days.

    My major concern is that I don't want to be the kids new father figure. I'll be friends with him but I don't feel like it should be my job and worried about the kids father. I don't know how often he sees him but feel it should be his job nor mine so I'm not sure how go about or explain to my new girlfriend how I feel about without seeming like I don't care for the kid.

    I just want your advice from people who is the same situtation. From guys who experienced the same or from single mothers. thanks
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met up with girl that I got talking to online. She is really nice and have lots in common. At the beginning we would met up every week at a bar or pub for drinks just for chats.

    I didn't think she was intrested in me to assumed it would be a cool new friend hang out with. She told me that she had a kid who she wanted me to meet, normally she would take him to her parents home when she comes to meet me. So I came round met the kid, very nice polite kid me so I have no problems.

    Later on she told that she really liked and things soon moved on to more than just friends and now we're on a boyfriend/girlfriend level but still early days.

    My major concern is that I don't want to be the kids new father figure. I'll be friends with him but I don't feel like it should be my job and worried about the kids father. I don't know how often he sees him but feel it should be his job nor mine so I'm not sure how go about or explain to my new girlfriend how I feel about without seeming like I don't care for the kid.

    I just want your advice from people who is the same situtation. From guys who experienced the same or from single mothers. thanks
    You need to be open and honest about this as soon as possible. She may even be feeling the same, that she wants you as her boyfriend and as a friend to her child but not their dad. Clearing this up early on is the best thing to do, that way you both know where you stand without bringing it up and making it a big deal further on in the relationship. Explicitly state how you care for the child but currently don't feel ready or want to be a father figure. Honesty will go a long way in the long run! I hope this works out for you
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met up with girl that I got talking to online. She is really nice and have lots in common. At the beginning we would met up every week at a bar or pub for drinks just for chats.

    I didn't think she was intrested in me to assumed it would be a cool new friend hang out with. She told me that she had a kid who she wanted me to meet, normally she would take him to her parents home when she comes to meet me. So I came round met the kid, very nice polite kid me so I have no problems.

    Later on she told that she really liked and things soon moved on to more than just friends and now we're on a boyfriend/girlfriend level but still early days.

    My major concern is that I don't want to be the kids new father figure. I'll be friends with him but I don't feel like it should be my job and worried about the kids father. I don't know how often he sees him but feel it should be his job nor mine so I'm not sure how go about or explain to my new girlfriend how I feel about without seeming like I don't care for the kid.

    I just want your advice from people who is the same situtation. From guys who experienced the same or from single mothers. thanks
    My honest opinion? End it and cut your losses whilst you are early in.

    The thing is bringing a child (aka another human being) into a relationship is extreme baggage and there is no way around that. If you think there is you are wrong. Yourself, being a person with no children are pretty much a clean slate.The burden should not be yours to bare. I am personally of the opinion that single parents should date other single parents.

    As time progresses, and your relationship with the mother becomes more intense and serious, like it or not the child will become more a load. Emotionally and financially. Especially if you marry this woman the child is as good as yours in terms of your money and assets for the rest of your life, even if you were to divorce. You will also never be a priority for the woman as the child will always come first (and rightly so). And the child will never fully respect you, unless you win him or her over lots of money or they will probably resent you. You will always have 'baby daddy' and family drama and sharing, and again nothing can sever that link.

    Also if you chose to have your own children, her child will take a good portion of the resources that could have been spent on your own children, so basically you will end up with less of your own children because you are raising someone else's DNA. Also your children will have half-silbings and have to deal with the child's father and family which is unnecessary. Half-sibling rivarly is not healthy. Go look up statistics onsingle mothers, step children, half siblings etc and they are pretty grim. Children who have step silblings and or half-siblings are much more prone to being abused because of exposure to step families.

    The way I see it is there are plently of amazing women who have been sensible and discliplined enough not to have kids to some buffoon. I honestly don't know why you would date a single mother. I know my reply way not very nice, but the truth hurts. Family is important and can make or break a person, so make sure you get it right.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 30, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Should Spain allow Catalonia to declare independence?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.