Is it possible to get rid of your shyness?

rali2000

Ever since I was a child, I've always been shy. When I started prep school, I did not speak a word of English (I had just moved from Hong Kong) and that made me a target of teasing and a little bit of bullying. It got better as I got older at prep school and after a ear I could speak fluent English. Then I moved to a much larger private school at 14 and I remember feeling really overwhelmed. I was confronting a lot of issues at that time. I realised that I was gay, there were lots of new things, new people and suddenly I wasn't comfortable with myself. I think others started to realise this and boys at that age teased me for being camp (strange thing was that I didn't realise I was camp at all!). I know now that guys like to tease each other for a bit of banter but I took this personally and it hurt (I must have been really naive!). To avoid ridicule, I was determined not to let anyone get closer to me and I became this "different" person. I had friends but they didn't know the "real" me. I became withdrawn, more introverted and more shy than before- it was as if my personality had died. I remember those years being the loneliest and saddest and I spent a long time hiding behind this shell. Fortunately I put all my energy into schoolwork and GCSEs cos I knew I was good at working hard. I don't think I went to any birthday party in the first 2 years. I've never been kissed nor have I been in a relationship. I'm 19 now in case you're wondering.

Things improved in the sixth form as I came out of my shell bit by bit but I still wasn't being myself 100%. I pushed myself into going to my friends' parties. Most have been brilliant apart from that one party at a restaurant and I became really shy for some reason (there were a lot of new people) and I didn't talk to anyone and I really hated myself for doing that. At 17 I forced myself to go to a gay youth group and I made some friends there. I don't know why but I'm more proud of the fact that I did that than achieving A*s in my GCSEs! Looking back I was so scared when I first entered the LGBT centre.

Now I've left school and will be going to uni this October. I am a bit wary of uni because I had high expectations of the school i've just left, which was disappointing. I go to a gym, go to dance lessons, I still go to my youth group and I work at a shop but sometimes I find it difficult to break out of my shell. This happens mostly when I'm around new people and I get nervous, then my mind goes blank and I end up mumbling like an idiot. When this happens I feel disappointed myself and I just start beating myself up. I really hate being shy and it's held me back from fulfilling my potential and from enjoying life in general. Is it possible to get rid of it completely?

Reply 1

Cloud_Strife

12

It is man, you just need to take it bit by bit. Go back to when you were younger , like you said you were really shy and bit by bit your started coming out of your shell, eventually you will become more confident with yourself.
I was like that when i was younger, but as i started growing up and working etc i started becoming more confident and talking to new people.
Just give it time buddy and you will be able to just get out there and fulfil your potential.

Reply 2

A Shining Light

I can relate to a lot of what you've wrote; I stopped talking when I was about 3 or 4 & it's taken me a long time to regain my confidence. I've spent most of my life feeling lonely & ignored & since I'm very sensitive I became upset easily, so I withdrew from others. Eventually 2 friends of mine really encouraged me to come out of myself more & make the effort to talk more to people, etc. It has been really hard but slowly my confidence has improved. But going to uni has helped accelerate that process of increasing my confidence though :smile:

. I was really scared about going to uni but it turned out to be an amazing experience. I think being in a new environment with lots of people who are also trying to make new friends has really helped me to become more confident & to be myself. I'm still quite shy at times but the change in my confidence has amazed me.

Reply 3

brockham

Alcohol

Reply 4

sarCAZm

11

brockham

Alcohol

Damnit, I was gonna say Vodka.
We call it "Liquid Confidence"

Reply 5

IguessIwin

9

sarCAZm

Damnit, I was gonna say Vodka.
We call it "Liquid Confidence"

Did wonders for a then shy George Best.....

Reply 6

FFCrusader

12

lol i have a similar problem, i need to become "less shy".
well...ive been told you can "teach" yourself to become more confident, you say you work in a shop, well try to make convosation with the customers, or join a debate team when you're at uni or something.....
over time you will become more confident :smile:

(i should do more of these things also :p:

)

Reply 7

Sephiroth

18

I know how you feel. It's something that can be changed, but it won't happen overnight. I've been gradually getting less shy for the past few years. Now my main issue seems to be quietness.

Reply 8

unfinished sympathy

15

rali2000

Ever since I was a child, I've always been shy. When I started prep school, I did not speak a word of English (I had just moved from Hong Kong) and that made me a target of teasing and a little bit of bullying. It got better as I got older at prep school and after a ear I could speak fluent English. Then I moved to a much larger private school at 14 and I remember feeling really overwhelmed. I was confronting a lot of issues at that time. I realised that I was gay, there were lots of new things, new people and suddenly I wasn't comfortable with myself. I think others started to realise this and boys at that age teased me for being camp (strange thing was that I didn't realise I was camp at all!). I know now that guys like to tease each other for a bit of banter but I took this personally and it hurt (I must have been really naive!). To avoid ridicule, I was determined not to let anyone get closer to me and I became this "different" person. I had friends but they didn't know the "real" me. I became withdrawn, more introverted and more shy than before- it was as if my personality had died. I remember those years being the loneliest and saddest and I spent a long time hiding behind this shell. Fortunately I put all my energy into schoolwork and GCSEs cos I knew I was good at working hard. I don't think I went to any birthday party in the first 2 years. I've never been kissed nor have I been in a relationship. I'm 19 now in case you're wondering.

Things improved in the sixth form as I came out of my shell bit by bit but I still wasn't being myself 100%. I pushed myself into going to my friends' parties. Most have been brilliant apart from that one party at a restaurant and I became really shy for some reason (there were a lot of new people) and I didn't talk to anyone and I really hated myself for doing that. At 17 I forced myself to go to a gay youth group and I made some friends there. I don't know why but I'm more proud of the fact that I did that than achieving A*s in my GCSEs! Looking back I was so scared when I first entered the LGBT centre.

Now I've left school and will be going to uni this October. I am a bit wary of uni because I had high expectations of the school i've just left, which was disappointing. I go to a gym, go to dance lessons, I still go to my youth group and I work at a shop but sometimes I find it difficult to break out of my shell. This happens mostly when I'm around new people and I get nervous, then my mind goes blank and I end up mumbling like an idiot. When this happens I feel disappointed myself and I just start beating myself up. I really hate being shy and it's held me back from fulfilling my potential and from enjoying life in general. Is it possible to get rid of it completely?

yes it is, you have to put yourself into a situation where you have to overcome it, and it goes by necessity. For example i learned german french and spanish at school, and i was good at them always got A;s etc,but i would never practice them cos i was nervous about making mistakes. It was a big issue for me to get the grammar correct, so much so that i refused to talk in or outside the classroom unless it was an exam or exam practice. I was also nervous on the phone, talking to strangers etc. I got a job in this pharmacy i worked there for one manic week, where i had to talk to people and have confidence in what i was doing- it wasnt possible not to become confident cos the turnover was too quick to pause and think about grammar yknow. After one week i spoke all my languages wherever i went, on the phone as well, im more confident in myself too, my posture is better as well, i hold my head up high yknow- which sounds stupid yknow but its the truth.

Put yourself in a situatio where you have to cope, and youll grow out of it :smile:

sorry the post was long

Reply 9

Bismarck

13

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20070808/sc_livescience/secrettoovercomingshynessrevealedtentatively

Reply 10

Rennie

1

I know it's possible because I got over mine to a certain extent.

When I was a child I was extremely shy and self conscious. I wouldn't order in restaurants, I never spoke to people I didn't know and after a while I even found it difficult to answer questions in class in fear of getting it wrong. Even though most of the time what I thought was right.

For years I'd wanted to do something outside of school but I'd been too afraid to do anything. Finally I joined SJA and was pretty terrified of meeting all these new people. However, I found that soon enough I was talking to people and making friends.

I then took up doing voluntary work at a hospital far from my home. This threw me into a situation where I didn't know anyone and couldn't go home so I had to start talking to people I didn't know. I was absolutely terrified. It got easier when I started to know people but often there were different nurses and always different patients each week. This made it so much easier for me.

However, I still had self-esteem issues and found it hard to be myself sometimes. I'm not quite sure how I got over that but I think the work at the hospital still helped with that. The people there never judged me and, in a way, I learned that most people probably don't.

Sometimes I still don't like it if my friends mention things about me around people I don't know because it's not something I want everyone to know straight away. I guess I find that hard because I have a slightly different me around new people and slowly I evolve into someone new as I get to know them more.

Recently I even managed to go to a college taster session and talk to lots of new people without worrying about it.

I believe you're through the first part of this but you need to try and get some more confidence-accept who you are. Try not to think so much about what others think of you. Also, try and get yourself into a situation like I did when working at the hospital. Where there is no other choice and you have to deal with it. It really does help.

Is it possible to get rid of your shyness?

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