I think my girlfriend is abusive towards me?

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    I'm in my first year at uni, and am in a relationship with a girl that happens to be in the same flat and course as me (we kinda started out on the second "moving in" day). I also have aspergers so I can't always pick up social cues etc. and have trouble making friends. My girlfriend is kinda the "boss" of the relationship. I'm not allowed to piss her off or anything otherwise she'll hit me or kick me, but I'm not sure if she's doing it in a playful manner? She laughs/giggles when doing it and I'm really not sure. She also controls a lot of my life. I need time to myself each day to chill (because of my aspergers) and also need more sleep than average (about 10 hours) otherwise my mental state rapidly decreses. I've explained this to her but she still tries to prevent me from going to bed early, and she'll come into my room and talk for hours on end.

    I really really love her, but I don't know if this counts as abusive?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in my first year at uni, and am in a relationship with a girl that happens to be in the same flat and course as me (we kinda started out on the second "moving in" day). I also have aspergers so I can't always pick up social cues etc. and have trouble making friends. My girlfriend is kinda the "boss" of the relationship. I'm not allowed to piss her off or anything otherwise she'll hit me or kick me, but I'm not sure if she's doing it in a playful manner? She laughs/giggles when doing it and I'm really not sure. She also controls a lot of my life. I need time to myself each day to chill (because of my aspergers) and also need more sleep than average (about 10 hours) otherwise my mental state rapidly decreses. I've explained this to her but she still tries to prevent me from going to bed early, and she'll come into my room and talk for hours on end.

    I really really love her, but I don't know if this counts as abusive?
    Why does it matter? You are clearly happy to put up with her attitude. If not, just tell her off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in my first year at uni, and am in a relationship with a girl that happens to be in the same flat and course as me (we kinda started out on the second "moving in" day). I also have aspergers so I can't always pick up social cues etc. and have trouble making friends. My girlfriend is kinda the "boss" of the relationship. I'm not allowed to piss her off or anything otherwise she'll hit me or kick me, but I'm not sure if she's doing it in a playful manner? She laughs/giggles when doing it and I'm really not sure. She also controls a lot of my life. I need time to myself each day to chill (because of my aspergers) and also need more sleep than average (about 10 hours) otherwise my mental state rapidly decreses. I've explained this to her but she still tries to prevent me from going to bed early, and she'll come into my room and talk for hours on end.


    I really really love her, but I don't know if this counts as abusive?
    Sounds abusive to me. You have to care for your own well being too.
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    Dump her.
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    sit her down, tell her what you just told us, see what she says.
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    Dump her
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    Maybe she's picking on you because of your aspergers. It sounds like a mix between emotional abuse and physical abuse.

    If this was a guy doing it to a girl then all hell would be let loose. Do what anyone would do and leave the relationship before it gets worse.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in my first year at uni, and am in a relationship with a girl that happens to be in the same flat and course as me (we kinda started out on the second "moving in" day). I also have aspergers so I can't always pick up social cues etc. and have trouble making friends. My girlfriend is kinda the "boss" of the relationship. I'm not allowed to piss her off or anything otherwise she'll hit me or kick me, but I'm not sure if she's doing it in a playful manner? She laughs/giggles when doing it and I'm really not sure. She also controls a lot of my life. I need time to myself each day to chill (because of my aspergers) and also need more sleep than average (about 10 hours) otherwise my mental state rapidly decreses. I've explained this to her but she still tries to prevent me from going to bed early, and she'll come into my room and talk for hours on end.

    I really really love her, but I don't know if this counts as abusive?
    Its not normal to hit and kick, but it depends whether its playful or not. Does she hurt you? If shes's laughing then chances are its not unless she is deeply sadistic and this would be unlikely. I think other people in the flat would know.

    Its only been a few weeks now so a bit early to say you love her imo. She sounds controlling, but she might be doing it becayse she fails to understand your aspergers? Just talk to her and see if she can make sure you get at least x hours sleep.


    Its hard to say because your aspergers is also preventing you give a full picture becayse you may not notice certain things.
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    You are in a toxic relationship. You must abuse her back . That is the solution

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    It is impossible for us to know if she is playing when she hits and kicks you but as you are, understandably, confused by this behavior tell her to please not hit or kick you even if she is just playing. Simply tell her you don't like that. But in any 'healthy' relationship there really shouldn't be a 'boss'. You both need to be respected that is the basis of a relationship - respect. If you find that you are pissing her off so that she feels the need to hit or kick you and if you can't read whether her feelings are justified I hope you can find a good friend to kind of help you navigate. If there isn't anyone at uni who can help you turn to a family member or friend from home and ask them their opinion when you've 'pissed her off'. And, again, being that you can't tell whether or not she is actually angry or playing ask her to not hit or kick you anymore and if she respects you she will stop.

    Being a first year at uni this is a very new relationship and now is the time to set your boundaries as far as what you will accept and what you are unwilling to do in a relationship. Tell her to stop hitting and/or kicking you. Tell her you are going to bed by (whatever time you'd like) and then stick to that. If she comes in your room to chat tell her you are really tired and are going to sleep and you'll see her in the morning. If she continues, then repeat that you are tired and need to sleep. If she gets mad so be it, let her get mad, but you have to do what is right for you and you need your sleep. She needs to understand that you mean what you say and she needs to respect that.

    Relationships can be tricky but it helps to clearly say what you need from your partner. Good Luck.
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    Leave that b****.
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    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    Leave that b****.
    http://i.imgur.com/r73VJe3.gif?noredirect
    catfight.
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    get the **** outta that one
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    It has been what, 3 weeks since the start of Freshers? And you already "love" her?

    You sound more infatuated than in love and from what you have told us, she definitely sounds abusive. Get out of that relationship before you get even more attached and start to feel trapped. If you're scared that she will lash out, report her to accommodation services so that they may move either you or her to another flat. Best of luck x
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    (Original post by pmc:producer)
    Dump her.
    :toofunny: brutal, no explanation or nothing lol just dump her? haha.
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    from the information given its impossible to say whether its abuse or not. You also have the issue that the OP has aspergers so he isnt in a brilliant position to know whats going on either.
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    (Original post by 0to100)
    :toofunny: brutal, no explanation or nothing lol just dump her? haha.
    No explanation needed though lol. If she makes him even question whether he's being abused or not it's game over...
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    (Original post by 0to100)
    :toofunny: brutal, no explanation or nothing lol just dump her? haha.

    Dump him/her seems to be the standard advice on TSR for a multitude of issues


    boyfriend left the toilet seat up? ......Dump HIM

    partner flirted with another person at a club but did not kiss/touch/hold hands with them? ....Dump them.

    every minor little relationship issue on here.

    solution?

    dump them!
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    Yeah this is abuse. leave her and talk to someone if you want. although since you are a man less people will care about you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in my first year at uni, and am in a relationship with a girl that happens to be in the same flat and course as me (we kinda started out on the second "moving in" day). I also have aspergers so I can't always pick up social cues etc. and have trouble making friends. My girlfriend is kinda the "boss" of the relationship. I'm not allowed to piss her off or anything otherwise she'll hit me or kick me, but I'm not sure if she's doing it in a playful manner? She laughs/giggles when doing it and I'm really not sure. She also controls a lot of my life. I need time to myself each day to chill (because of my aspergers) and also need more sleep than average (about 10 hours) otherwise my mental state rapidly decreses. I've explained this to her but she still tries to prevent me from going to bed early, and she'll come into my room and talk for hours on end.

    I really really love her, but I don't know if this counts as abusive?
    That's abuse. Sometimes in life you need to be selfish and think about your wellbeing and happiness. Put yourself first and end it.

    Good Luck!
 
 
 
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