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No motivation to make new friends

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    The past 3 years have been a little difficult for me mentally. It started off with a friend, who I had known most my life, dying when I was 15 in secondary school. I basically lost motivation to do stuff like revise because it twisted with the way I think (e.g. whats the point?). I normally do the bare minimum to revise so I revise a few hours the day before.

    I moved to a sixth form and I felt completely out of place. I was normally the class clown, always joking and talking but I just had no motivation to... Had to move around a lot in the first year of sixth form (like 5+ times) so that didn't help. Ended up with cccd in as level that year anyway

    The second year was kind of better, I met a girl I really who sat next to me in one of my classes. We'd talk for ages and I actually enjoyed coming just so I could sit next to her. Made the same mistake revising day before but salvaged ABC (perfected my technique). Now I'm at university and it just seems like there's no other girl that will ever compare to her ya know? she felt completely perfect to me.
    (I know its a bit cheesy but I feel like she was the 'one', from experience, do you ever get over her?)

    So anyway, I just can't for the life of me hold a conversation with new people at university or banter like I normally do with my friends. These last few years really messed up my communication with new people. Was hoping for advice on how to get out of my shell and live my life again and basically be myself
    I'm commuting also and most people have accommodation so that makes it even more difficult to make friends lmao

    (btw I still am in contact with secondary friends so I'm not that much of a loner, just when I'm not with them :P)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The past 3 years have been a little difficult for me mentally. It started off with a friend, who I had known most my life, dying when I was 15 in secondary school. I basically lost motivation to do stuff like revise because it twisted with the way I think (e.g. whats the point?). I normally do the bare minimum to revise so I revise a few hours the day before.

    I moved to a sixth form and I felt completely out of place. I was normally the class clown, always joking and talking but I just had no motivation to... Had to move around a lot in the first year of sixth form (like 5+ times) so that didn't help. Ended up with cccd in as level that year anyway

    The second year was kind of better, I met a girl I really who sat next to me in one of my classes. We'd talk for ages and I actually enjoyed coming just so I could sit next to her. Made the same mistake revising day before but salvaged ABC (perfected my technique). Now I'm at university and it just seems like there's no other girl that will ever compare to her ya know? she felt completely perfect to me.
    (I know its a bit cheesy but I feel like she was the 'one', from experience, do you ever get over her?)

    So anyway, I just can't for the life of me hold a conversation with new people at university or banter like I normally do with my friends. These last few years really messed up my communication with new people. Was hoping for advice on how to get out of my shell and live my life again and basically be myself
    I'm commuting also and most people have accommodation so that makes it even more difficult to make friends lmao

    (btw I still am in contact with secondary friends so I'm not that much of a loner, just when I'm not with them :P)
    Hey! I'm so sorry about what happened, and about how you've been feeling. Did you receive help with the grieving process, and with the fact your motivation dropped?

    That girl sounds really nice, hopefully you're still in contact? I know what you mean about no one comparing to her, and about finding it hard to hold a conversation and have banter with new people. It sounds like your confidence really dropped, I would recommend counselling for that.

    You're not going to be able to click with everyone, and it does seem quite rare to find people that you do click with, but they are out there. It's just a case of finding them that is hard. I'm guessing you started uni just a few weeks ago? In that case, it might just be a case of settling in. I would suggest joining as many societies as possible.

    When so much has happened, it can take a while to get used to having conversations and banter. The ability to do it is still there, but it's rusty. Practice makes perfect.

    I don't know if what I have said is helpful at all, but hopefully it reassured you a little
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Abcdefghijk123)
    Hey! I'm so sorry about what happened, and about how you've been feeling. Did you receive help with the grieving process, and with the fact your motivation dropped?

    That girl sounds really nice, hopefully you're still in contact? I know what you mean about no one comparing to her, and about finding it hard to hold a conversation and have banter with new people. It sounds like your confidence really dropped, I would recommend counselling for that.

    You're not going to be able to click with everyone, and it does seem quite rare to find people that you do click with, but they are out there. It's just a case of finding them that is hard. I'm guessing you started uni just a few weeks ago? In that case, it might just be a case of settling in. I would suggest joining as many societies as possible.

    When so much has happened, it can take a while to get used to having conversations and banter. The ability to do it is still there, but it's rusty. Practice makes perfect.

    I don't know if what I have said is helpful at all, but hopefully it reassured you a little
    Nah I didn't really talk to anyone about it on an emotional level. I didn't think it really affected me until I realised I would still think about it all the time, years after. I've come to terms with it on my own but I'm just living with the after effects now.

    The problem I think is the fact people are so much different to what I'm used to, I come from a crap area in London so I doubt there will be in my uni haha

    I really do hope the ability is still there cos as it stands now I'm just that boring quiet guy

    About the girl, shes about 200+ miles away so there isn't much contact :P
 
 
 
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Updated: October 1, 2016
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