Normal that I can't express sadness with my friends?

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    Hi, so I was wondering if it is normal that I can't tell my friends about a lot of my problems and that I find it hard to express anger/sadness? Like if I'm feeling really sad/anxious about something, (some examples would be wanting desperately to experience love and I also have a very big issue with death) I just hide it and pretend I'm happy. I just don't feel comfortable telling them. Because they get creeped out.

    I have this one friend who is SUPER uncomfortable with emotions and this can make her kind of insensitive, and the other day, she was just going on about how much money I was spending on driving lessons and I was like 'I'm so stressed out about everything' and she was really awkward and was like '...it's going to be okay' and then the subject was changed soon after.

    The odd couple of times I will have little snippets where I find it hard to hold in how I feel and I have outright said in the group chat about feeling sad but they never ask about it. However sometimes, when I'm upset/anxious, I say it in a jokey way so perhaps that's why. And this results in my friends getting a little bit creeped out.

    They don't really express their emotions either, they don't confide in me and I wish they did. Only this one friend who has depression confides in me but only when I ask her to.

    I just wish I was more comfortable with my feelings and could talk openly about how I feel without feeling super-duper guilty afterwards, as if I'm a whiny, depressing, weird downer.

    When I was 14/15 I was this happy robot and I made sure to NEVER show negative emotions infront of friends because I thought it would make people like me, as I'd lost a lot of my friends prior to that. However now, everything is starting to seep out a little bit and I just want to be genuine. But the thing is, people are who they are. And I just don't think that the friends I currently have are comfortable with intense, deep conversations. It's very frustrating because I crave these kind of conversations but I NEVER get to have them apart from with my sister every once in a while.

    Sometimes a friend will do/say something particularly insensitive eg. Telling people about something embarrassing I did infront of them or brushing off my expression of anxiety about death with 'you have soooo many problems' and I'll just be like 'omg my friends don't understand me at all, I need new friends' but then we will have a fun night and I'll feel completely guilty for feeling that way. I'm so conflicted. One minute I'm resentful, the next I'm guilty.

    I'm happy to say that I have signed up for counselling but still, I just wish I was comfortable enough with myself to reach out to a friend on a bad day with a text 'I'm feeling so upset right now' and to get the reply 'tell me all about it'.

    Anyway this turned out to be longer than I thought it would, but I'm just glad that I was finally able to release all the thoughts I have been having lately. I was just wondering if it's normal at all to be like this, or does this mean that I don't actually have any 'true' friends? How depressing loooool

    TL/DR - I pretend to be happy all the time infront of my friends and can't really vent to them at all because I don't feel comfortable, and they sometimes find it creepy
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    It's not uncommon to have friends we can't be emotionally open with.

    I used to be similar. What I found useful was to talk about past emotions. Once I found it easier to be honest about how I felt in the past, I was able to share how I felt at present. But not all friends are created equal and it may be you've not found the right people yet.
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    I struggle with my emotions and don't exactly tend to stable the majority of the time.

    The type of friends I have in my life are my Ron and Hermiones, but I never had that growing up. I didn't feel connected, or that I could truly confide the sorrows of my heart. You will find supportive friends, but the main thing I learnt rather recently is that we have different types of friends. My four best friends- have been there when I was at my lowest and I can count on their support, but NOT everyone else is able to or wants to deal with someone who is ill or has complex emotions like us. What i'm trying to say is that we have different categories of friends. But with real friends you shouldn't have to hide the way you feel. They can see how I'm feeling and read me like a book without me even saying a word.

    I have lecture friends-we only sit together and make dorky jokes.
    I have a gym friend- we only talk about fitness, training and I flirt with him.Nothing serious
    Group friends- Kids in my year that I have classes with.No real serious talk just banter.
    Friends in years above- just mainly about school work and tips.Nothing heavy or deep.
    With Jo - mainly just about makeup
    With Smiley- just hugs and small talk.

    I would honestly recommend you see a counselor or a therapist. Everyone needs to talk and they can be real superstars, our feelings are what they are and don't have to be justified.
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    (Original post by Kvothe the Arcane)
    It's not uncommon to have friends we can't be emotionally open with.

    I used to be similar. What I found useful was to talk about past emotions. Once I found it easier to be honest about how I felt in the past, I was able to share how I felt at present. But not all friends are created equal and it may be you've not found the right people yet.
    Hey, thank you for your reply! I might try what you've done. If it doesn't work, then at least I can accept that my friends aren't comfortable with that kind of talk and that that's who they are. Thanks again
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    I struggle with my emotions and don't exactly tend to stable the majority of the time.

    The type of friends I have in my life are my Ron and Hermiones, but I never had that growing up. I didn't feel connected, or that I could truly confide the sorrows of my heart. You will find supportive friends, but the main thing I learnt rather recently is that we have different types of friends. My four best friends- have been there when I was at my lowest and I can count on their support, but NOT everyone else is able to or wants to deal with someone who is ill or has complex emotions like us. What i'm trying to say is that we have different categories of friends. But with real friends you shouldn't have to hide the way you feel. They can see how I'm feeling and read me like a book without me even saying a word.

    I have lecture friends-we only sit together and make dorky jokes.
    I have a gym friend- we only talk about fitness, training and I flirt with him.Nothing serious
    Group friends- Kids in my year that I have classes with.No real serious talk just banter.
    Friends in years above- just mainly about school work and tips.Nothing heavy or deep.
    With Jo - mainly just about makeup
    With Smiley- just hugs and small talk.

    I would honestly recommend you see a counselor or a therapist. Everyone needs to talk and they can be real superstars, our feelings are what they are and don't have to be justified.
    Hiya, yes you're so right - some people just aren't comfortable and we need to accept that they can be good in other ways, having a laugh for example. I might try confiding in them more and if it doesn't work, I will just accept the fact that they aren't comfortable. And yes, I've signed up for counselling
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    (Original post by Abcdefghijk123)
    Hey, thank you for your reply! I might try what you've done. If it doesn't work, then at least I can accept that my friends aren't comfortable with that kind of talk and that that's who they are. Thanks again
    Friendships can change over time. So I wouldn't be quick to put your friends in a box if they don't respond in the way you want at first.
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    (Original post by Abcdefghijk123)

    TL/DR - I pretend to be happy all the time infront of my friends and can't really vent to them at all because I don't feel comfortable, and they sometimes find it creepy
    Only good and stable friends will wnat to know and be able to handle it. It sounds like you dont know the limits. It makes them feel awkward becayse they dont know and arent equipped to handle it.

    Talk to your GP , your parents, a teacher, a counselor or an advice line like the Samaritans or Childline.
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    (Original post by Kvothe the Arcane)
    Friendships can change over time. So I wouldn't be quick to put your friends in a box if they don't respond in the way you want at first.
    Yes you're very right, we talk a lot more than we did this time last year, so it is promising
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Only good and stable friends will wnat to know and be able to handle it. It sounds like you dont know the limits. It makes them feel awkward becayse they dont know and arent equipped to handle it.

    Talk to your GP , your parents, a teacher, a counselor or an advice line like the Samaritans or Childline.
    You're right - some things are too heavy to be discussed with them. Yes counselling is a good idea
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    (Original post by Abcdefghijk123)
    You're right - some things are too heavy to be discussed with them. Yes counselling is a good idea
    My impression from what you posted is that you have a lot of strong emotional turmoil and it would really help if someone listened and even better understood how you felt.

    Friends your age might struggle just as much you sharing things they would ream of doing and thats why it maes them feel awkward. Its too much for them.
    Thats why an anonymous helpline to vent and then maybe a counselor to help you work through your feelings is better. Some parents can do it but not all parents want to or are good at it. Theres nothing wrong with you having these feelings, just discuss them who is equpped to deal with them . Talking about it may help you resolve the issues, prevent you becoming anxious or depressed and let you have a much happier life. Its a good thing you go and speak to soemone.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    My impression from what you posted is that you have a lot of strong emotional turmoil and it would really help if someone listened and even better understood how you felt.

    Friends your age might struggle just as much you sharing things they would ream of doing and thats why it maes them feel awkward. Its too much for them.
    Thats why an anonymous helpline to vent and then maybe a counselor to help you work through your feelings is better. Some parents can do it but not all parents want to or are good at it. Theres nothing wrong with you having these feelings, just discuss them who is equpped to deal with them . Talking about it may help you resolve the issues, prevent you becoming anxious or depressed and let you have a much happier life. Its a good thing you go and speak to soemone.
    that's very true. We all have our problems, but some are best discussed with professionals. Talking about it helps so, so much as it releases it.
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    (Original post by Abcdefghijk123)
    that's very true. We all have our problems, but some are best discussed with professionals. Talking about it helps so, so much as it releases it.
    You cna talk to your friends about some things, but you need to be bale to know which ones are ok and which ones are too heavy for them. Your GP should help you find someone suitable.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You cna talk to your friends about some things, but you need to be bale to know which ones are ok and which ones are too heavy for them. Your GP should help you find someone suitable.
    Yes, I can kind of tell when it gets too heavy and yeah I am on a waiting list so that's good
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    Tldr you shouldnt be talking to friends about your problems tbh, sometimes they can laugh about it behind your back or spread rumours. So what you have isnt bad.

    Talk to parents/siblings about problems
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    (Original post by SuperHuman98)
    Tldr you shouldnt be talking to friends about your problems tbh, sometimes they can laugh about it behind your back or spread rumours. So what you have isnt bad.

    Talk to parents/siblings about problems
    yes that's a big risk that one takes when confiding in people. I do chat to my mum and sister so that's good. Thanks for your reply
 
 
 
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