Feel so stupid

Hey I'm just posting this to get it off my chest.

About a week ago I posted about a guy I was seeing over the summer (from uni) who barely made any contact with me. It was me initiating most of it but I genuinely though he was interested.

The weekend just gone I went back to my uni town and celebrated my birthday in a club (where we both work). Up until then I thought everything was fine, my friends told me that he really liked me etc so I took the barely any contact thing as that he was just busy. That night I think I told him that I really liked him and I may have tried to kiss him over the bar - I am unsure of what happened as a can barely remember it. Since that night I haven't heard anything from him.

Today it is my birthday and I didn't even get a text to say happy birthday, he told my friend that he would text me today when he woke up.

I have finally got the hint now that he's not interested but I feel like such a fool. I have to work with this guy when I go back to uni and I don't want things to be awkward at all. I don't know what I have done to make him not like me because I genuinely thought he did - maybe I was too keen or maybe I done things sexually a bit too quickly?! Who knows.

I'm scared that him and the rest of the people at work are laughing at me for being too keen and liking him too much. I just wish he had of told me he wasn't interested rather than let me take a hint.

I also feel stupid and naive for believing the things he said to me, he told me he really liked me and although we had been 'seeing' each other a week I asked him what we were going to do over the summer and he suggested he wouldn't see any other people. I hate myself right now, can't believe I fell for his lies.

Reply 1

abc101

Aww...happy birthday anyway chuck!

To be fair, the guy sounds like a bit of a tosspot...I think you'll just have to put it down to guys being weird creatures. Try not to think about it, if you act like you're not bothered by it when you go back to university, no one else will be. Some people are just strange. Try to forget about it and not let it worry you, it's his loss if that's the kind of person he is. You weren't stupid to believe what he told you, he was just pathetic for acting like a fool . Don't worry about it, and hope you had a great birthday anyway :biggrin:

Reply 2

8urtay

Soo, something has changed over the summer if you were 'seeing each other' for a week. Why do you think he was lying? There are other possible reasons... Ok your a nice girl, he may have genuinely liked you - it just maybe wasn't as deep a connection as you would have wanted.

You want an insight into his behaviour? Ask a neutral party to describe what happened at the party. That is going to determine the truth in this!

If he tells co-workers then he's an *******

If co-workers were at the party, then 1. they were likely drunk too and 2. would recognise that you were drunk

And just remember, it is never the victim's fault! Well unless your mountain climbing with no safety ropes in your birthday suit - then it is your fault! :cool:

Reply 3

Tiptoe

Thanks for your replies, made me feel loads better.

Still not feeling great today, I just wish I had of told me he wasn't interested from the start. I'm thinking about sending him a text asking him what's going on but I don't know it that's wise?

Reply 4

abc101

Glad you're feeling a bit better. Personally, I wouldn't text him - it's probably best to leave it be. He will probably mess you around again and you don't want to be hanging waiting for a reply. If you really want to send him a text, I'd say compose one now and save it in your drafts, then tomorrow, or the day after, look at it and think whether you still want to send it - you don't want to send him a text that you're going to regret.

Reply 5

Tiptoe

Thanks for your reply, in the end I decided to text him. I slept on it last night but decided that I deserved at least an answer. He hasn't replied but I feel that I have got some sort of closure from it. It will be hard going back to work as I will have to work with him but I am just going to be professional and friendly. I do feel silly in the fact I didn't take a hint but theres nothing thats going to change it now so I am going to have to live and learn.

Reply 6

Tiptoe

Hey a bit of an update.

He replied today. The text i sent him asked what was happening between us and that I was coming back to uni soon, if he fancied meeting up then let me know, if not it was fine.

He replied saying - 'Yeah that would be good, when are you back? Im working loads to pay for my new flat...'

Is that a hint that he's not that interested and using work as an excuse? I am so confused, I don't know whether to ring him or not?

Reply 7

username47781

Sounds like he only wanted you for one thing, don't let him ruin your birthday.

Reply 8

lazzyfuzzylou

Why is it that stuff like this ALWAYS happens on birthdays? Mine's 9th Aug too and I had a pretty crap day also!

But anyway on to the topic - I agree with what everyone else has said, don't let him spoil the birthday - and if you're worried about people at work laughing at you for being too keen (which they probably won't unless they are heartless/abnormal and have never done anything like what you did - unlikely), play it cool from now on - it's good that you realised he isn't interested and that's the first step to being cool about it and moving on. I think you'll be fine. But yeah, stop texting him and initiating stuff - and stay away when inebriated!

Reply 9

Schroedinger's Pandora

Firstly- don't feel bad for liking this guy, you've done nothing wrong so there's no need to feel guilty or embarrased. It happens.

It sucks ass when the object of your affections doesn't feel the same, but again - this is nothing to be ashamed of, it happens to the best of us.

It sounds very much to me as though you are making far too much effort. I've been in a very similar situation myself and appreciate how hard it is *not* to text just to make sure they're still interested and want to talk to you.. But ask yourself, surely if he was into you as much as you are into him would he be ignoring you for days on end? Of course not.

Sounds as though he's keeping you keen by offering as little in terms of communication as possible, which sucks for two reasons: 1, It messes your head up as to whether he actually wants you, and 2, it makes you want to chase the little blighter even more. (Been there, done it.) The truth is babe that he's keeping you sweet because you are of some ~ahem~ use to him.

I've had it done to me, and I have lots of guy friends who boast about having girls on the end of a string like this. Sad but true.

True also that when he does want some stringless loving from you, it will get your hopes up all over again just to have them dashed when he decides to avoid you again, you'll end up feeling cheap and humiliated..Don't waste your time with this - You posted this thread, you're clearly not happy.

In retrospect, you uni years are the best of your life. Sounds as though he's enjoying his- don't let somebody mess you about like this and make you unhappy, it's all over before you know it. Be strong, move on and don't look back - Just the advice I wish I could have given myself 2 years ago.

Hope this helps.

Reply 10

Tiptoe

Thanks for your replies, some very good advice. I am going to reply to his text in a casual manner and then leave the ball in his court. I'm not going to keep wasting my time.

Reply 11

Tiptoe

Well everything appeared to be ok, he even text me last night apologising for not speaking to me much when I was out........then this morning found out he slept with another girl last night.