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Not knowing how you feel...can it turn into something?

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    OK, I am going through this thing with this woman I met. Basically, didn't know how I felt, if we were compatible, even though I like her physically, and find her interesting, and she's nice. I don't know if this is weird, but I interpret no physical stuff on first date as rejection, even though she had flatmates to get back to and it was the first date- she said she didn't know how she felt and wash shy about that stuff, I don't know I feel...but then I saw her after not texting her for ages, I just broke it off 'cos I thought I bored here, doubted we were compatible or I could keep her interested--
    but then I felt really bad seeing her, and I felt like I'd lost something, or guilty, or confused, that whole afternoon, and thought did my problems get in the way? Did I care more about her than I realised? Did I read her actions wrongly?

    And I'd like advice from experienced people here, but can not knowing how you feel, especially in the case where they are trustworthy, and have a lot to stimulate you with mentally, and you like other stuff about them, turn into a relationship or compatibility, or does it usually mean you're not feeling it, does it have to instinctively feel right?

    Very perplexed by this
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    To be honest if its angsty right at the start it isn't a great sign. Even it it turns in to something its got potential to revert to 'not knowing what she wants'. Far better if you can focus on finding someone how is up for it and enthusiastic. I would leave the ball in her court and start work on plan B.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Zarek)
    To be honest if its angsty right at the start it isn't a great sign. Even it it turns in to something its got potential to revert to 'not knowing what she wants'. Far better if you can focus on finding someone how is up for it and enthusiastic. I would leave the ball in her court and start work on plan B.
    Well it's only not knowing after one evening together. It just doesn't have that supremely natural chemistry I've had once or twice where you feel so natural with someone. But I really like her, find her attractive physically and think she's really interesting. Maybe I'm expecting that totally comfortable feeling, which is so rare, when actually we have a lot to stimulate each other with mentally, and when I think a lot of her. Maybe I just have been cynical, detached, not given it time to see how we could get closer and develop, as there is a lot of common interests there and attraction.

    Surely relationships need time, can develop depth, maybe I'm expecting too much ease. Most people you don't connect with at all, maybe I'm pitting her against this one other woman I felt so natural with, on the other hand I stayed detached with that, so this is my reflex- I have a history of detaching every time, and have never been in a relationship

    This is highly relevant info too, so if anyone could read this it would help.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Can anyone give me advice, as I have little experience of relationships? I really find this perplexing.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Zarek)
    To be honest if its angsty right at the start it isn't a great sign. Even it it turns in to something its got potential to revert to 'not knowing what she wants'. Far better if you can focus on finding someone how is up for it and enthusiastic. I would leave the ball in her court and start work on plan B.
    Also, I can't leave the ball in her court as it was really in mine to contact her. She would think me not interested if I didn't. I thought her not interested and so didn't contact- but that's mad when I think of it, only one evening, and we didn't know how we felt, but how would you, and she agrees to come over when she didn't know me....must have liked me initially.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also, I can't leave the ball in her court as it was really in mine to contact her. She would think me not interested if I didn't. I thought her not interested and so didn't contact- but that's mad when I think of it, only one evening, and we didn't know how we felt, but how would you, and she agrees to come over when she didn't know me....must have liked me initially.
    Flogging a dead horse
 
 
 
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Updated: October 2, 2016
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