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Why does this girl never invite me to anything? Watch

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    Hi!

    I'm having problems with this friend at university. Let's call her friend A. I really like her, she's good friends with me. In fact she's one of my best friends at university. She loves to hang out with me on my own lots.

    We share a similar friendship group, she was friends with them before me, but I've become friends with them the last year or so. I like that friendship group a lot, and frequently bring up with her how I'd like to hang out with them. She never tells me however when they meet up, or makes up some excuse like she forgot or tells me she's busy (but not what she's doing). Or that she feels like she has to introduce me to her friends first. I kind of bought these excuses at first, but they don't make sense anymore. I understand it might be weird if all of her friends were girls given that I'm a guy, but they're not they're a fairly even mix of guys and girls.

    The thing is I'm already friends with these friends. I'm fairly sociable so it doesn't take me long to make friends and strike up conversations. In fact these friends tend to invite me to hang out with them often. But it's strange as it feels like I'm going behind friend A's back, and they often assume that friend A will have already invited me. It just feels awkward.

    I don't really know what to do. Part of me feels like I should break ties with all of them completely as I don't like this situation. But then on the other hand, I really like all these people and they like me. I don't feel I should really care about it being awkward and I should do what I want and I want to hang out with them. And as annoying as Friend A acts, she is one of my best friends and I'd be sad to lose her.

    Thoughts ?
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    Just confront her. It makes zero sense for her not to if you all get on well, unless those friends are chatting sh*t behind your back
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    Besides the obvious talk to her then you cna also accpet their invites anyway. Tbh either she is unawate (unlikely) or she doesnt regard you as part of the group or she isnt as good a friend as you think and just uses you when she hasnt got other people.

    On your chat keep your calm and just say you find it odd she doesnt invite you (do not ask to be invited, although you can say they invite you, but you find it odd she does not), at which point she will lie to you and say shes never really thought about it before and that you can invite yourself, she might offer to change her ways and then she will ignore you as usual. Thats what I thought anyway. Places £5 bet.
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    (Original post by bellalalaxo)
    Just confront her. It makes zero sense for her not to if you all get on well, unless those friends are chatting sh*t behind your back
    I don't think those friends are chatting sh*t behind my back as they wouldn't be so friendly to be nor would they invite me to things, they'd just ignore me.

    If I confront her about it, feel like she'll just lie about it. Plus tbh I don't want to appear needy. As I said, it doesn't matter so much as her friends will invite me to stuff anyway and if I want to go to these social events/parties etc I'll just ask her/my friends than her. It's just strange considering that we're good friends and that I met that other friendship group through her (not intentionally just some of her friends were with her one day and I started talking to them and we made friends). It's more I want to know the exact reason but don't think she'll tell me. And the risk of confronting her, potentially making her upset, or awkward given we hang around the same friends doesn't seem worth it.
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    (Original post by WackyWallaby)
    I don't think those friends are chatting sh*t behind my back as they wouldn't be so friendly to be nor would they invite me to things, they'd just ignore me.

    If I confront her about it, feel like she'll just lie about it. Plus tbh I don't want to appear needy. As I said, it doesn't matter so much as her friends will invite me to stuff anyway and if I want to go to these social events/parties etc I'll just ask her/my friends than her. It's just strange considering that we're good friends and that I met that other friendship group through her (not intentionally just some of her friends were with her one day and I started talking to them and we made friends). It's more I want to know the exact reason but don't think she'll tell me. And the risk of confronting her, potentially making her upset, or awkward given we hang around the same friends doesn't seem worth it.
    Maybe since she knows you're all friends she just assumes that they'll invite you?
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    (Original post by bellalalaxo)
    Maybe since she knows you're all friends she just assumes that they'll invite you?
    I'd like to think this, but don't think this is true, she seems surprised when I said that I went to this party etc. or turn up (even when she wasn't there but her friends were). She says stuff like I forgot to invite you, or if something passed that i didn't go to she tells me oh I should have invited you. I just shrugged it off, but it's happened too many times now. In some ways because she hasn't invited me directly I've become better friends with her friends anyway. It's like she really only cares about hanging out with me on my own, she doesn't really seem to care about me having fun with the rest of her friends or interacting with her and her friends at the same time. 1 on 1 time is fine, but it's fun to hang out as a group and go to parties with them too. I've also told her repeatedly that it'd be fun to hang out with her friends and stuff in the past anyway and she always tells me she'll do it but never does.
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    (Original post by WackyWallaby)
    I'd like to think this, but don't think this is true, she seems surprised when I said that I went to this party etc. or turn up (even when she wasn't there but her friends were). She says stuff like I forgot to invite you, or if something passed that i didn't go to she tells me oh I should have invited you. I just shrugged it off, but it's happened too many times now. In some ways because she hasn't invited me directly I've become better friends with her friends anyway. It's like she really only cares about hanging out with me on my own, she doesn't really seem to care about me having fun with the rest of her friends or interacting with her and her friends at the same time. 1 on 1 time is fine, but it's fun to hang out as a group and go to parties with them too. I've also told her repeatedly that it'd be fun to hang out with her friends and stuff in the past anyway and she always tells me she'll do it but never does.
    She's a snake fam
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Besides the obvious talk to her then you cna also accept their invites anyway. Tbh either she is unawate (unlikely) or she doesnt regard you as part of the group or she isnt as good a friend as you think and just uses you when she hasnt got other people.

    On your chat keep your calm and just say you find it odd she doesnt invite you (do not ask to be invited, although you can say they invite you, but you find it odd she does not), at which point she will lie to you and say shes never really thought about it before and that you can invite yourself, she might offer to change her ways and then she will ignore you as usual. Thats what I thought anyway. Places £5 bet.
    I'm going to accept the invites anyway as I want to come to those events and I shouldn't let something like this stop me. Sometimes yeah I feel she isn't a great friend like some of my better friends who wouldn't do that. Then again this girl also was willing to get on the train to visit me and often comes there to visit me especially. I mean I personally wouldn't travel hours to visit her so I don't feel like she doesn't regard me as a good friend. Maybe she just doesn't consider me part of the group that's a possibility, but it's a bit sad that she wouldn't make an effort to introduce me into the group given that we're friends anyway and I get on with all her friends anyway.

    But yeah I agree think she will just offer to change her ways then ignore me as usual. If she tells me the truth then she'll admit she lies, and will possibly make me feel bad or point herself in a bad light. Just makes no sense to her to tell the truth. Feel like if she wanted to tell the truth she would have done it by now. It just makes me feel that she's a bit selfish and it irritates me. I invite her to hang out with my other friends and stuff too and they don't even really know her well. Though she only sometimes comes to them, she doesn't come most of the time, she just prefers hanging out with me rather than other people too as she claims she doesn't know them well.
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    (Original post by Aristotle's' Disciple)
    She's a snake fam
    Please elaborate why?
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    (Original post by WackyWallaby)
    I'm going to accept the invites anyway as I want to come to those events and I shouldn't let something like this stop me. Sometimes yeah I feel she isn't a great friend like some of my better friends who wouldn't do that. Then again this girl also was willing to get on the train to visit me and often comes there to visit me especially. I mean I personally wouldn't travel hours to visit her so I don't feel like she doesn't regard me as a good friend. Maybe she just doesn't consider me part of the group that's a possibility, but it's a bit sad that she wouldn't make an effort to introduce me into the group given that we're friends anyway and I get on with all her friends anyway.

    But yeah I agree think she will just offer to change her ways then ignore me as usual. If she tells me the truth then she'll admit she lies, and will possibly make me feel bad or point herself in a bad light. Just makes no sense to her to tell the truth. Feel like if she wanted to tell the truth she would have done it by now. It just makes me feel that she's a bit selfish and it irritates me. I invite her to hang out with my other friends and stuff too and they don't even really know her well. Though she only sometimes comes to them, she doesn't come most of the time, she just prefers hanging out with me rather than other people too as she claims she doesn't know them well.
    I would be 95% sure that in her own head she has her reasons and its deliberate not absent minded. Dont ask her why as she wont tell your only option is to point it out, say you find it odd or awkward and hope she does soemthing. If bot ignore and accpet anyway, she might then accept you anyway if she realises it makes ni difference and oretend that was the idea all along.
 
 
 
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