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Body image stopping me living.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice, or what, but I just needed somewhere to relay my problems.

Okay, so I'm in my twenties and am overweight. I've been overweight since before I was a teenager, so pretty much forever. I won't wear skirts because I hate my legs, and won't show my arms because they're big.

The problem goes so far as to stop me from being in a relationship. I've got a good face, but often don't try to attract guys because I know they'd run a mile after seeing me in my underwear.
I've never been comfortable with my body and try not to look at it unless I have to.

I'm feeling so frustrated, because I feel if I lost the weight, I'd feel ecstatically happy with my body and everything would be alright. But nothing happens - I can't motivate myself to lose weight, and thus I'm even more frustrated emotionally and sexually. I want a boyfriend, but am too screwed up over my body to even begin thinking about being in a relationship.

I'm at the end of my tether :frown:

Reply 1

Angrybanana

11

Why can't you motivate yourself to lose the weight? Especially as you see it as the answer to all your problems.

Losing weight can be a damned hard thing to do and you have to really want it to be motivated enough to do it. Forget about boyfriends for now and concentrate on yourself. Weight aside, you won't be able to convince a boy to love you until you consider yourself worth loving. And if losing weight is what it takes to do that then what's stopping you? Surely gaining the self confidence you've never had should be motivation enough?

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

While losing weight to boost your self-esteem and become healthier (both physically and psychologically) is a very admirable goal, I'm slightly worried that you say that becoming thinner would make you feel "ecstatically happy with my body and everything would be alright."

Weight loss will not make everything alright. You may lose the weight and still have body issues. I'm not saying don't lose the weight - just don't see it as a catch-all cure for your life's problems and don't overestimate what it can do for you.

If I were you, I would either go to the doctor and ask for his professional opinion on your weight, or if you find that too embarrassing, go to one of those electronic weighing machines that give you your BMI and body fat percentage. You say you're overweight but you seem to dislike your body so much that you may have a warped view of it - its possible that the 'problem' is far less severe than you think.

Motivation is extremely hard. But it doesn't take a huge amount of motivation to put on your trainers and go for a brisk walk: with your iPod you might find you enjoy it. Before you start any specific 'regime' (the ones with bounderies and guilt and counting things), you can help yourself by moving more and making individual decisions about portions and healthier options. Baby steps, I guess.

Good luck!

Reply 3

ßlαcksωαn

17

I'm slightly worried that you say that becoming thinner would make you feel "ecstatically happy with my body and everything would be alright."

Weight loss will not make everything alright. You may lose the weight and still have body issues

What this person said is exactly correct!
If you lost the weight, it doesnt mean your life would be perfect, you'd have a great bf and everything would be dandy from then on.

You just have to read the other threads in H&R to see that even skinny people find it hard to get guys. The only option I see is to find some form of motivation (the desire to be in a relationship perhaps) to lose the weight or just become comfortable with your body. And take a look around, are all the girls in relationships sticks and beautiful?? the answer is no!

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

I'm feeling so frustrated, because I feel if I lost the weight, I'd feel ecstatically happy with my body and everything would be alright. But nothing happens - I can't motivate myself to lose weight, and thus I'm even more frustrated emotionally and sexually. I want a boyfriend, but am too screwed up over my body to even begin thinking about being in a relationship.

I totally know how you feel, I used to think that if I lost weight I would be a better person, popular, pretty, etc.
Anyway, one summer I lost 2 stone just through doing a office job (involved lots of lifting and walking!), not snacking and doing 100 situps on the weekend (I didn't intend to lose weight so that probably how it worked!)

I felt brilliant, I had the confidence to ask guys out, got a bf. BUT THEN I began to feel more like myself, put on weight and, well, felt s*** again (even started self-harming again after 1 year of not doing) :frown:

Now I'm realising that my self-confidence and respect can't be linked to something that changes as much as weight. When I look back, I see that I was trying to be someone else and that I couldn't keep it up forever.

It sounds really really hard to do but BELIEVE IN YOURSELF :smile:

It might take longer than losing weight but will be worth it in the long run
What I do is look at people on the street and think: "that person is 'overweight' but do they look unhappy? They have a bf and they're not skinny. Why am I feeling like this when that person is living their life and I'm not?"

Losing a little weight will get you going but you have to focus on the inside not the outside
I really hope you feel better soon :smile:

Reply 5

Rutter knows best!

12

i have'nt had this problem.

Reply 6

bonjovi22

Anonymous

While losing weight to boost your self-esteem and become healthier (both physically and psychologically) is a very admirable goal, I'm slightly worried that you say that becoming thinner would make you feel "ecstatically happy with my body and everything would be alright."

Weight loss will not make everything alright. You may lose the weight and still have body issues. I'm not saying don't lose the weight - just don't see it as a catch-all cure for your life's problems and don't overestimate what it can do for you.

If I were you, I would either go to the doctor and ask for his professional opinion on your weight, or if you find that too embarrassing, go to one of those electronic weighing machines that give you your BMI and body fat percentage. You say you're overweight but you seem to dislike your body so much that you may have a warped view of it - its possible that the 'problem' is far less severe than you think.

Motivation is extremely hard. But it doesn't take a huge amount of motivation to put on your trainers and go for a brisk walk: with your iPod you might find you enjoy it. Before you start any specific 'regime' (the ones with bounderies and guilt and counting things), you can help yourself by moving more and making individual decisions about portions and healthier options. Baby steps, I guess.

Good luck!

It will make everything ok. You need to get to a gym and start loosing weight, its clear you have anxiety and pressure - stop watching TV. I would recommend start doing excerises in your garden and going for long walks - walking can increase confidence and make you feel alot calmer, relaxed. My girlfriend is not overweight whatsoever, I feel so lucky, she has a tiny pierced belly though :P - even she feels insecure sometimes, she either puts on her best underwear, so then she feels sexy and confident; more importantly happy. Or she will excerise before going out - this makes you feel better aswell.

Love your body - no one cares anymore.

Reply 7

natsing

2

I'm overweight, probably more so than you are. I am in a happy stable realstionship and am very happy with my life, it has nothing to do with my weight, but my self confidence. When I was at uni I hated myself, thought I was disgusting and noone would ever love me. I gave off that vibe and it drove people away, when I finally realised this I was able to work on my self-image and gain so much more confidence in myself. If you feel the need to lose weight, great do it, but it won't necessarily be the fix it all you believe it will be. There are lots of stories of people who lose eight but are horribly depressed, be happy in yourself and look to lose weight slowly as you gain in confidence, tell yourself what is lovely about you, do you have pretty eyes, a nice smile, good boobs? pick a few things and start to realise you're not as screwed up as you first realised

Good luck with everything

Reply 8

k-lee C

i really know how you feel doll and its so crappy. body image issues seriously are exhausting. don't even know how i can help you resolve this. (as soon as i find a solution for myself, i'll share immediately!) have you a friend who can go to the gym with you? if so, make a definite plan with them - like, 'we will go and sign up to the gym on monday and attend twice a week, on a tuesday and friday' or whatever. or maybe even invest in a personal trainer to get the motivation externally, until you can find it in yourself? i have just started gym (am not really 'over'weight but was just as uncomfortable anyway) and it really makes you feel better. bite the bullet and go for it.

and, until you can find some for real, just fake confidence. refuse to allow any negative thoughts into your head about yourself, no matter how true you think they are. even if it feels like you are talking nonsense, keep telling yourself that you are practically perfect in every way a la mary poppins :biggrin:

pretty soon, you will start to realise that you are probably a million times more beautiful than you think you are. xxx

Reply 9

white_haired_wizard

16

the OP knows what the issue is. She needs to get a gym membership and work hard in the gym, eat healthily...on a sustained basis for a good period of time.

Some people are saying, "sure you might lose some weight but it doesn't mean x, y and z are going to be better as a result of losing that weight". I'd really have thought, (much) more often than not, that having a healthier perception of ones body and general appearance leads to confidence growing, chances of landing that new g/f or b/f or whatever....etc...

I think the above is a bit work-shy, truth be told. It's hard work, weight loss, sacrifices have to be made, you've got to be tough and disciplined with yourself, and maybe not pussyfoot around with arguably weak excuses that the body beautiful or thereabouts isn't what it's made out to be. Everyone wants to look their best, if some have body issues (i myself did when i weighed almost 13 stone 24 months ago, now i'm just over 10st, well toned, athletic and well-defined...), then they need to work at them.

"With pain, there's gain" - something to this effect. Take it from me.

Reply 10

Anonymous #4

i know exactly how you feel, i gained a bit of weight t one point in my life and it reslly did affect my self esteem and thus social life. I hated that i was larger but as you say, for some reason i still couldn't get motivated. However after a short time dieting i felt really good about myself and this motivated me further, i felt i has something to lose (i.e. regain the lost weight) if i didn't stick to the diet. The hardest part is getting started

Reply 11

Double Agent

18

OP, what do you like about your body? Look at yourself in the mirror and sy the things you like out loud to your self. I think you need to try and sort out how you think about your body and the physical appearence. My motivation for going to the gym is that i like to imagine how i will look and the hard work does pay off. Its not just about losing weight in the gym either, once youve had a good work out or been on a run you feel better, it gives you a natural high. Dont worry about getting a boyfriend for now, whats more important is that you feel great about yourself, then i'm sure a boyfriend will appear.

Reply 12

minimo

15

white_haired_wizard

the OP knows what the issue is. She needs to get a gym membership and work hard in the gym, eat healthily...on a sustained basis for a good period of time.

Some people are saying, "sure you might lose some weight but it doesn't mean x, y and z are going to be better as a result of losing that weight". I'd really have thought, (much) more often than not, that having a healthier perception of ones body and general appearance leads to confidence growing, chances of landing that new g/f or b/f or whatever....etc...

I think the above is a bit work-shy, truth be told. It's hard work, weight loss, sacrifices have to be made, you've got to be tough and disciplined with yourself, and maybe not pussyfoot around with arguably weak excuses that the body beautiful or thereabouts isn't what it's made out to be. Everyone wants to look their best, if some have body issues (i myself did when i weighed almost 13 stone 24 months ago, now i'm just over 10st, well toned, athletic and well-defined...), then they need to work at them.

"With pain, there's gain" - something to this effect. Take it from me.

I agree that going to the gym, getting slim will help the OP, but only to an extent. I'm a happier person after losing weight. However, you can still be unhappy with your body - I am most days.

Reply 13

bobbyb99

Like someone else said, slim girls may still find it hard to find a boyfriend. Also don't think just because you are overweight guys won't want you, some guys even have a preference for a bigger girl.

I used to be very large myself, and through diet and exercise got down to a slim physique (lost about 4 stone). It made me feel better about my body, but im still not very confident with my body. Basically it will help only to a certain extent.

Body image stopping me living.

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