Boyfriend snaps and yells at me. Do I deserve it?

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    My bf gets mad over things I think aren't a big deal such as...

    Me not being there when he wakes up, he hates waking up alone. And instead of expressing that in a calm manner, he snaps yells at me, slams doors. Is that really worth a fight? He sleeps in really late and I get bored! So I go into the living room and hangout with his roommates or just be on my phone.

    Or sometimes I fall asleep on the sofa, rather on the bed with him ( sofa is in his room) because I'm feelings sick- my period usually and he gets really mad at that- tells me I should just sleep at home

    He gets mad if I leave go home early, mind you it's a Sunday and I had spent the whole weekend at his house, and I get a ride home and I really have no control or say when to get picked up. He yells at me, huffs and puffs and gets so frustrated over it. He wants me to wake up him so we can spend time together but I never end up doing that because my ride calls me last min.


    Are these legitimate reasons to get really really mad? He doesn't get normal mad or sad he gets pissed, 0-100 I guess he doesn't know how to express himself any other way. He hollers in my face, when I walked away from him last time because he was telling me not to come over again, just because I left early I got my bags walked out of his room, he dragged me from my coat and shut the door.

    I read this and it doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but somehow he convinces me that I'm the *******...I just need someone to confirm to me if its me or him?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    He sounds either needy or unstable. I'd write him off.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Rakas21)
    He sounds either needy or unstable. I'd write him off.
    Why do people get unstable like this? I also think it's needy...his ex used to live with him I think he may be one of those people who needs someone there all the time. I don't know, I'd love to understand why he gets like this. I remember waking up and he wasn't there, it felt kind of *****y but it was fine I didn't tell him anything. Because it's not that big of a deal to me.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why do people get unstable like this? I also think it's needy...his ex used to live with him I think he may be one of those people who needs someone there all the time. I don't know, I'd love to understand why he gets like this. I remember waking up and he wasn't there, it felt kind of *****y but it was fine I didn't tell him anything. Because it's not that big of a deal to me.
    Not sure. But at any rate this behavior is not sustainable.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    no. alarm bells would go off. if he acts this crazy and controlling when you aren't even living together it would only get more extreme and more often when your relationship stepped up a level. i wouldn't accept this behaviour. be a strong woman.

    a normal reaction to waking up alone would be to feel a bit sad and text your partner "miss you, wish you were here".. not go off the rails.
    Online

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Tell him to **** off.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Moura)
    no. alarm bells would go off. if he acts this crazy and controlling when you aren't even living together it would only get more extreme and more often when your relationship stepped up a level. i wouldn't accept this behaviour. be a strong woman.

    a normal reaction to waking up alone would be to feel a bit sad and text your partner "miss you, wish you were here".. not go off the rails.
    I think that's why he acts the way he does...because we only see each other on the weekends although I spent five days at his house before and he still gets mad at petty things like that. He says the way I act isn't normal.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think that's why he acts the way he does...because we only see each other on the weekends although I spent five days at his house before and he still gets mad at petty things like that. He says the way I act isn't normal.
    I am a student but my ex worked weekdays in the city so I only saw him on weekends, he never acted this way because the way your boyfriend acts is not a normal response. you aren't the one who isn't normal! honestly this sounds like quite a manipulative relationship.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Lol no.

    I'd not tolerate such crap. How the **** do guys like that get gfs?!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    You've asked 'do I deserve it'. We allow ourselves to be treated badly by other people - if you don't want to be treated like you-know-what, then don't tolerate it.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Reality Check)
    You've asked 'do I deserve it'. We allow ourselves to be treated badly by other people - if you don't want to be treated like you-know-what, then don't tolerate it.
    He says stuff like " nothing will change" because I keep doing it. That's why I think maybe I deserve it...like I know he will get mad and I still do it but I don't do it deliberately, like when I have to go home. Or when I fall asleep on the sofa it's because I'm hot and cramping and need space.

    I forgot to mention he also hates it when I walk out the room to be alone, like we'll be hanging out playing dominos with a group of people, when the games done I'll go back into his room to be alone and he thinks that isn't normal? What's wrong with wanting to be alone for five mins?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He says stuff like " nothing will change" because I keep doing it. That's why I think maybe I deserve it...like I know he will get mad and I still do it but I don't do it deliberately, like when I have to go home. Or when I fall asleep on the sofa it's because I'm hot and cramping and need space.

    I forgot to mention he also hates it when I walk out the room to be alone, like we'll be hanging out playing dominos with a group of people, when the games done I'll go back into his room to be alone and he thinks that isn't normal? What's wrong with wanting to be alone for five mins?
    Please believe me when I say that you absolutely, categorically do NOT deserve this, or to be treated so shabbily. From what you've said, your BF has some issues around control and domination. Please don't allow him to treat you like this - can you confide in a close friend?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    erm no you dont deserve it. hes your boyfriend not your dad. tell him to stop yelling at you
    Offline

    2
    Yeah, don't tolerate this rubbish. Either have a chat and tell him it's unreasonable, or cut him loose.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He doesn't get normal mad or sad he gets pissed
    Turning to alcohol seems a bit extreme.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    Turning to alcohol seems a bit extreme.
    Where did you get that from?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Reality Check)
    Please believe me when I say that you absolutely, categorically do NOT deserve this, or to be treated so shabbily. From what you've said, your BF has some issues around control and domination. Please don't allow him to treat you like this - can you confide in a close friend?
    No this isn't something I'd talk about in real life it's too embarrassing.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Where did you get that from?
    You said he gets pissed.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    You said he gets pissed.
    I can't decide whether this is sarcasm or a case of TSR's highly literal user base striking again.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Wattsy)
    I can't decide whether this is sarcasm or a case of TSR's highly literal user base striking again.
    If you must know, it's me taking the piss out of a (probably) British person using Americanisms. Gets on my bollox
 
 
 
Write a reply… Reply
Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: October 3, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Poll
What social media "stories" do you use?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.