klara33
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hey guys..I'm practicing some essay writing for the upcoming test..so could you take a look at what I wrote, please?? I'll appreciate any feedback

Poverty: The Caste System and the United States

14.5% of Americans are stuck below the line of poverty. The reason for so many people being stuck below the line of poverty is because of America’s lack of economic mobility. There is another social structure like the United States and it’s called the caste system. The caste system is like a social structure, but the class you are born into is a class you will stay in for the rest of your life. Other than a few differences the United States is almost exactly like the caste system. For example the United States and the caste system’s lack of class mobility, leaving people below the line of poverty, and the law has tried to help both social structure’s.

The caste system is a simple social structure. It consists of five classes, including the untouchables. The untouchables are the lowest class in the caste system. The name itself explains who the untouchables were. A group of people that were looked on as the worst people in the caste. Like the American social structure, no one in the caste system gets to pick their class. In the caste system once you are born into a class you stay in that class the rest of your life. To sum up, the caste system is a social structure that lasts a person’s whole life.

Many people hate the caste system. The people hated it so much they banned discrimination with caste by law. The caste system leaves so much people economically in trouble. The places that still use the caste system leaves many of their people below the line of poverty without help. In brief people hate the caste system because of the economic trouble it leaves them in and for proof they banned it by law.

The United States is almost exactly like the caste system. The United States has a lack of class mobility, and the caste system has no class mobility. A CNN reporter named King says “ while the government promotes wealth building for some it actually discourages wealth building for the poor.” He then says “they have to trade their long term well being for short term assistance. In the caste system people can’t change class either. Places with the caste system leave people poor and in America 14.5% of Americans are stuck below the line of poverty. In conclusion, there is no class mobility for the caste system and nearly impossible to move from the lowest class in America making the caste system and the American social structure almost exactly the same.

References:

1. "Income and Poverty in the United States: 2015." (2016) United States Census Bureau. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/library/public...o/p60-256.html
2. National Poverty Center. (n.d.) "Poverty in the United States: Frequently Asked Questions." University of Michigan. Retrieved from http://www.npc.umich.edu/poverty/
3. O'Neil, T. (n.d.) "Discrimination against India's lowest Hindu castes is technically illegal. But try telling that to the 160 million Untouchables, who face violent reprisals if they forget their place." National Geographic. Retrieved from http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0306/feature1
4. "Poverty." (n.a., n.d.). JetWriters. Retrieved from http://jetwriters.com/poverty-essay/
5. "The Caste System." (n.a., n.d.) US History. Retrieved from http://www.ushistory.org/civ/8b.asp
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bigwang
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(Original post by klara33)
hey guys..I'm practicing some essay writing for the upcoming test..so could you take a look at what I wrote, please?? I'll appreciate any feedback

Poverty: The Caste System and the United States

14.5% of Americans are stuck below the line of poverty. The reason for so many people being stuck below the line of poverty is because of America’s lack of economic mobility. There is another social structure like the United States and it’s called the caste system. The caste system is like a social structure, but the class you are born into is a class you will stay in for the rest of your life. Other than a few differences the United States is almost exactly like the caste system. For example the United States and the caste system’s lack of class mobility, leaving people below the line of poverty, and the law has tried to help both social structure’s.

The caste system is a simple social structure. It consists of five classes, including the untouchables. The untouchables are the lowest class in the caste system. The name itself explains who the untouchables were. A group of people that were looked on as the worst people in the caste. Like the American social structure, no one in the caste system gets to pick their class. In the caste system once you are born into a class you stay in that class the rest of your life. To sum up, the caste system is a social structure that lasts a person’s whole life.

Many people hate the caste system. The people hated it so much they banned discrimination with caste by law. The caste system leaves so much people economically in trouble. The places that still use the caste system leaves many of their people below the line of poverty without help. In brief people hate the caste system because of the economic trouble it leaves them in and for proof they banned it by law.

The United States is almost exactly like the caste system. The United States has a lack of class mobility, and the caste system has no class mobility. A CNN reporter named King says “ while the government promotes wealth building for some it actually discourages wealth building for the poor.” He then says “they have to trade their long term well being for short term assistance. In the caste system people can’t change class either. Places with the caste system leave people poor and in America 14.5% of Americans are stuck below the line of poverty. In conclusion, there is no class mobility for the caste system and nearly impossible to move from the lowest class in America making the caste system and the American social structure almost exactly the same.

References:

1. "Income and Poverty in the United States: 2015." (2016) United States Census Bureau. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/library/public...o/p60-256.html
2. National Poverty Center. (n.d.) "Poverty in the United States: Frequently Asked Questions." University of Michigan. Retrieved from http://www.npc.umich.edu/poverty/
3. O'Neil, T. (n.d.) "Discrimination against India's lowest Hindu castes is technically illegal. But try telling that to the 160 million Untouchables, who face violent reprisals if they forget their place." National Geographic. Retrieved from http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0306/feature1
4. "Poverty." (n.a., n.d.). JetWriters. Retrieved from http://jetwriters.com/poverty-essay/
5. "The Caste System." (n.a., n.d.) US History. Retrieved from http://www.ushistory.org/civ/8b.asp
Are you allergic to compound sentences?
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beautifulbigmacs
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What level is this for? Be careful about sharing work online because its a plagiarism risk.
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bigwang
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(Original post by klara33)
hey guys..I'm practicing some essay writing for the upcoming test..so could you take a look at what I wrote, please?? I'll appreciate any feedback

Poverty: The Caste System and the United States

14.5% of Americans are stuck below the line of poverty. The reason for so many people being stuck below the line of poverty is because of America’s lack of economic mobility. There is another social structure like the United States and it’s called the caste system. The caste system is like a social structure, but the class you are born into is a class you will stay in for the rest of your life. Other than a few differences the United States is almost exactly like the caste system. For example the United States and the caste system’s lack of class mobility, leaving people below the line of poverty, and the law has tried to help both social structure’s.

The caste system is a simple social structure. It consists of five classes, including the untouchables. The untouchables are the lowest class in the caste system. The name itself explains who the untouchables were. A group of people that were looked on as the worst people in the caste. Like the American social structure, no one in the caste system gets to pick their class. In the caste system once you are born into a class you stay in that class the rest of your life. To sum up, the caste system is a social structure that lasts a person’s whole life.

Many people hate the caste system. The people hated it so much they banned discrimination with caste by law. The caste system leaves so much people economically in trouble. The places that still use the caste system leaves many of their people below the line of poverty without help. In brief people hate the caste system because of the economic trouble it leaves them in and for proof they banned it by law.

The United States is almost exactly like the caste system. The United States has a lack of class mobility, and the caste system has no class mobility. A CNN reporter named King says “ while the government promotes wealth building for some it actually discourages wealth building for the poor.” He then says “they have to trade their long term well being for short term assistance. In the caste system people can’t change class either. Places with the caste system leave people poor and in America 14.5% of Americans are stuck below the line of poverty. In conclusion, there is no class mobility for the caste system and nearly impossible to move from the lowest class in America making the caste system and the American social structure almost exactly the same.

References:

1. "Income and Poverty in the United States: 2015." (2016) United States Census Bureau. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/library/public...o/p60-256.html
2. National Poverty Center. (n.d.) "Poverty in the United States: Frequently Asked Questions." University of Michigan. Retrieved from http://www.npc.umich.edu/poverty/
3. O'Neil, T. (n.d.) "Discrimination against India's lowest Hindu castes is technically illegal. But try telling that to the 160 million Untouchables, who face violent reprisals if they forget their place." National Geographic. Retrieved from http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0306/feature1
4. "Poverty." (n.a., n.d.). JetWriters. Retrieved from http://jetwriters.com/poverty-essay/
5. "The Caste System." (n.a., n.d.) US History. Retrieved from http://www.ushistory.org/civ/8b.asp
It's a joke btw. Try to have some fluidity with your writing, your sentences seem very Economics GCSE. You tend to repeat yourself a lot; for instance in the first sentence you could easily remove about 10 words by adding a because to join them up.
Good luck
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klara33
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thanks..I'll keep that in mind
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UWS
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You should consider using semi-colons; they are very useful.
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