How do you make friends?

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    Well this is going to sound pathetic, however I suppose I feel like this might be of some sort of help to me. I am a second year student at the University of Southampton yet I find myself in the position of not having any friends other than my lone housemate, himself having multiple different other friendship groups that he spends the majority of his time with. Conversely, I spend most of my time in our house, alone, because there isn't anything else I can do. I feel as if people are not interested in communicating with me when I am around them and even if we end up talking, which I always attempt to do so, they seem to quickly brush me away and not want to have anything to do with me. Any friends that I have ever had in my life have always left, they seemingly haven't wanted me as part of their lives any longer. This is a trend, and as a result of this all I can think about is that there must be something ctriticly wrong with me. I try to be the best person that I possibly can be, but this does not seem to effect anything, it is always the same outcome. I have a few hobbies which I enjoy involving myself in, however the lack of human interaction is beginning to completely turn me away from anything other than lying in bed and hoping somebody might message me asking me how I am, or that something might change, or maybe even myself just not waking up; of course this is not the case. I feel so alone, so unwanted, so unattractive and a burden, it is making me incredibly upset and very difficult to see anything remotely positive about life. I'm not sure what to do. This is effectively ruining my life, it's driving me towards the edge. I like to think I have something to offer people, to offer to humanity, however I don't believe anybody else thinks this, or wants to interact with me.

    I'm really sorry that you feel this way. I can sympathise with the feeling of being pushed away by people once you introduce yourself. All I can say really is that there are honestly people out there for will be *your* type of people. It's very easy to say this, I know that. I know this from experience because I used to think that nobody really had a connection with me. Once I got to know people, I realised there's such a huge range of people with the most unique personalities out there and they still make friends who are just like them.

    Social interaction is super exhausting when you have to force conversation or have a feeling that it'll go nowhere but I urge you to take part in things. I'm still working on this myself. I'm trying to push myself to show up to societies and other events in order to get to know people. Another big piece of advice is be yourself. Every time I got this piece of advice I brushed it off, but I realise how important it really is. Being yourself will not only help you relax and open up a bit more, but it'll allow the other person to see the real you and that's always more appealing than a fake version of you.

    I understand what you're going through and I truly hope it gets better.

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    Reading your post made me feel really sad, because it felt like I'd written it myself, as I feel exactly the same as you do. We actually go to the same uni. I'm in first year & I'm stressing because everyone is choosing where to live next year & I don't know what I'm gonna do. I hate feeling so hopeless & lonely & I've felt like this for years.

    Neither of you are pathetic, you both perfectly normal and sound as though you have a lot to talk about and both need a friend, why don't you pm each other and meet up in the nice safe Union for a coffee and a chat.

    Remember that making friends and meeting people with shared interests is a skill like any other, some people are naturally good at it and others have to practice it to get good, if you hate being alone then take a first step and don't stay in. Join some societies and clubs, they usually go out of their way to be friendly to new members, if not or its not for you then try another one until you find one that is nice.

    Persistence works believe me, just do not give up, your obviously hugely talented and interesting in your own way, we all are.

    Also try some sports and more active clubs, I always feel better after training, boxing, karate, judo, aerobics, weights. They all burn up study and work stress and leave you feeling much better afterwards, and they all have (mostly) happy friendly people attending, just ignore the poseurs, bullies and egotists, they're just over compensating, and are usually the least happy people of all. You do not need any ability to do any martial art, everyone starts off hopeless and learns at their own pace, it gives you confidence and life long friends, its also safe and relatively pain free

    I hope both of you have a great Christmas with lots of cheer.

    I'm in a similar boat. I'm a first year here at the uni and living in halls. During freshers I met loads of potential friends at flat parties and events, but since everyone was drunk no one now remembers me, haha I've seen people I've met before on the busses, in town and on campus and no one remembers who I am, lol
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Updated: December 12, 2016
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