Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Mentally ill and lacking friends in my uni flat/relying on my bf Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I started uni almost a month ago and I don't particularly drink. I'm not anti-drinking, and I'll occasionally have a cocktail or something, but I've had what I feel was my alcoholic peak and it's just way too expensive as a student on quite a low loan anyway. I think I've bought maybe 2 drinks from the student bar since I've been here.

    The problem is I am pretty mentally ill (depression, anxiety, whatever, I'm seeing counselling) and coupled with the fact that I don't really care about drinking, I'm not having much luck with my flatmates. It was okay in the first week or so when they didn't really care who joined in and who didn't, but now I just sit in my room and read or do whatever most of the time when I'm not at lectures and I recognise that this is me isolating myself, but it is also very hard to want to go on nights out and participate when a) I don't drink and b) I get particularly exhausted and depressed in the evenings. The rest of them have genuinely bonded. They are confident, 'popular' (if that's even a thing anymore) and all enjoy a night out.

    I'm quite chatty when I'm just cooking in the kitchen, and I make loads of effort to talk when I see people around but I feel like this is slowly becoming in vain. When I talk generally I'm ignored, when I'm in the kitchen with the group I'm definitely ignored. Replies are absent and they read my messages in the flat group chat and never reply. I think I got one reply to one of my questions once since the first week. I feel lost and alone and really, really sad. And I feel like they have established this. It's kind of the same with coursemates; I'll speak to them there, but there is no effort outside of the lecture hall. I joined loads of societies, but have only had the energy to go to the first few meetings of a couple. I have maybe 5 good friends from back home after 6 or 7 years of school, but they're all scattered around at different unis.

    One saving grace is my boyfriend. He goes to uni about an hour and a bit away from me and he's come to visit so far twice. We've been together for almost a year, and I know everyone says 'don't go to uni in a relationship!' but he's my best friend. We go on days out together, to museums and whatever, and always find new places to explore. I am my truest self with him.

    I don't, however, want to go through the whole of uni having just my boyfriend a couple times a month to socialise with. I don't know how to stop my self-induced isolationism and my mental health as a result of this from spiraling. I love my course very much, and love doing work for it all the time, but I don't want to regret not making friends for life. I'm okay with doing my own thing, but I feel uncomfortable in my own flat and sit in my room purposefully to avoid the loud evening drinking that consistently occurs. I am uncomfortable with even going in the kitchen to get a snack. I know it's my own fault, but it's very hard to get out of.

    Sorry for the life story hahaha, I am just absolutely clueless on what to do.

    TL;DR: How do I make friends when my flatmates are the opposite of me and I'm mentally ill af?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I started uni almost a month ago and I don't particularly drink. I'm not anti-drinking, and I'll occasionally have a cocktail or something, but I've had what I feel was my alcoholic peak and it's just way too expensive as a student on quite a low loan anyway. I think I've bought maybe 2 drinks from the student bar since I've been here.

    The problem is I am pretty mentally ill (depression, anxiety, whatever, I'm seeing counselling) and coupled with the fact that I don't really care about drinking, I'm not having much luck with my flatmates. It was okay in the first week or so when they didn't really care who joined in and who didn't, but now I just sit in my room and read or do whatever most of the time when I'm not at lectures and I recognise that this is me isolating myself, but it is also very hard to want to go on nights out and participate when a) I don't drink and b) I get particularly exhausted and depressed in the evenings. The rest of them have genuinely bonded. They are confident, 'popular' (if that's even a thing anymore) and all enjoy a night out.

    I'm quite chatty when I'm just cooking in the kitchen, and I make loads of effort to talk when I see people around but I feel like this is slowly becoming in vain. When I talk generally I'm ignored, when I'm in the kitchen with the group I'm definitely ignored. Replies are absent and they read my messages in the flat group chat and never reply. I think I got one reply to one of my questions once since the first week. I feel lost and alone and really, really sad. And I feel like they have established this. It's kind of the same with coursemates; I'll speak to them there, but there is no effort outside of the lecture hall. I joined loads of societies, but have only had the energy to go to the first few meetings of a couple. I have maybe 5 good friends from back home after 6 or 7 years of school, but they're all scattered around at different unis.

    One saving grace is my boyfriend. He goes to uni about an hour and a bit away from me and he's come to visit so far twice. We've been together for almost a year, and I know everyone says 'don't go to uni in a relationship!' but he's my best friend. We go on days out together, to museums and whatever, and always find new places to explore. I am my truest self with him.

    I don't, however, want to go through the whole of uni having just my boyfriend a couple times a month to socialise with. I don't know how to stop my self-induced isolationism and my mental health as a result of this from spiraling. I love my course very much, and love doing work for it all the time, but I don't want to regret not making friends for life. I'm okay with doing my own thing, but I feel uncomfortable in my own flat and sit in my room purposefully to avoid the loud evening drinking that consistently occurs. I am uncomfortable with even going in the kitchen to get a snack. I know it's my own fault, but it's very hard to get out of.

    Sorry for the life story hahaha, I am just absolutely clueless on what to do.

    TL;DR: How do I make friends when my flatmates are the opposite of me and I'm mentally ill af?
    Which university out of interest?

    I think you'd be better off trying to meet people suited to your own interests through societies perhaps. If you ever need help in regards to your depression/anxiety your personal tutors will listen to you, and most universities offer support for this kind of thing. I feel like you're alienating yourself quite a lot though. Depression/Anxiety while serious and very much legitimate are incredibly common, don't let this convince yourself you can't make friends because of it.

    Just go at your own pace, try and find people of similar interests - i.e less club-going people, and make sure you're communicating with someone at your university if you ever feel like you need too. You'll make friends soon enough I promise

    Good on your boyfriend btw, sounds like a good guy. Good luck with everything!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    can you try and join a society? societies are good because while they often have nights out (in my experience) you don't have to go on nights out for people to be very friendly with you, you have regularly scheduled socialising for your society activity without it being constant and they often do more casual things like cocktails/pub rather than big nights in a club
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 5, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Break up or unrequited love?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.