This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Not very compassionate anymore

I am posting anon because I have friends that come on here.

I have been single for a while, and I just have no desire to get into a relationship. I am self-obssessed with imporving myself, and have become quite self-centred after a year in university. I have had many bad experiences that has caused me to behave this way. Like, I have trusted people in the past, but they have exploited it. One girl I really opened my heart too, she basically screwed me over despite all the sweet things she had said to me. For her staying in touch now, is just too much to ask for, and she deliberately gets in contact with me when she is feeling down during times when I am getting over her. Since her, I have not been the same.

I am pretty cold now with practically everyone. I find it hard to share my emotions, in case I get hurt again. It is a self-defence mechanism that I have developed.

I am under pressure at university to do well on my degree and get a 2:1/1:1. I had a very bad year this year - this year was possibly the worst year of my life academically. I took too much on (additional modules), neglected my degree and had to come back for resits. I hope they went well, and I do make it into third year.

Since coming back from the resits, I just feel as though I want to isolate myself from everyone and just work on myself. My siblings have asked me to help them with things (that I am good at), and I just can't be arsed. Anyway, one just cried at how cold I am by not helping; I should feel bad, but to be honest I don't really. A few female mates have told me that I am pretty cold when they get into their emotional states e.g. one recently was crying because her best mate had left uni after graduating. I should have hugged her and stuff, but I didn't - again I was cold and just said things like "don't worry, you will see him again" or approached it logically and said (after they spent about a hour drunk, outside in the cold crying about him) "crying about him, wont bring him back ". I am just not very compassionate anymore; I guess its because I have my own problems and I don't like supporting people with their problems because I am having to do everything myself. I have learnt to depend on myself to get things done; if I am in total despair - my faith keeps me going.

Reply 1

Kimbolina

Hey,

I understand how you feel, loads of guys screwed me over in the past and so did some 'best' friends of mine. It hurt a lot, but what I realised is that you can't let the past affect you so much because of one occassion or so, not everybody is cruel and will hurt you like that girl did, I guess you were just unlucky :frown:

I suppose you just need to give others a chance, maybe get to know them inside in inside out until you can be sure you can open up to them and feel comfortable :smile:

As I said, I got screwed over a lot by guys but now I have been together with my boyfriend for over a year and it's great. So just have faith and put a bit more trust into people because like I said not everyone is the same. Also if you begin to be cold etc with your friends they might not want to be around you as much because you bring the mood down or whatever (hopefully that won't happen!).

I know parents etc put a lot of pressure on you to do well in your degree, everyone wants to do well obviously. But, at the end of the day, all you can do is your best...don't work so hard that you make yourself ill or whatever, take time out to relax from work, go out and have fun with friends and I'm sure you'll do fine!

Hope this helps hun, I'm not too good at advice but thought I'd give it a try, PM me if you would like to talk more...always like to try and make people feel better! :smile:

Reply 2

Rutter knows best!

12

women do **** with our minds, i saw a girl tonite who i previously was completely smitten with, she worked same place as me and i been off with depression for 3 weeks .

physicalyy i adore her , mentally i adore her but she does'nt sem to see me in the same light even though i am your generalization of what is attractive.

i love to spend time qith her but it just provokes emotions from me and i have self harmed tonite :eek:

i don't normally but i feel so low.

all i want is to be with her ,feel loved and make her feel special.

this may notr have benn of any use , i mean i jus started pooring mym heart out randomly but i hiope thing work put for you. all the best.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Kimbolina

Hey,

I understand how you feel, loads of guys screwed me over in the past and so did some 'best' friends of mine. It hurt a lot, but what I realised is that you can't let the past affect you so much because of one occassion or so, not everybody is cruel and will hurt you like that girl did, I guess you were just unlucky :frown:

I suppose you just need to give others a chance, maybe get to know them inside in inside out until you can be sure you can open up to them and feel comfortable :smile:

As I said, I got screwed over a lot by guys but now I have been together with my boyfriend for over a year and it's great. So just have faith and put a bit more trust into people because like I said not everyone is the same. Also if you begin to be cold etc with your friends they might not want to be around you as much because you bring the mood down or whatever (hopefully that won't happen!).

Happened with multiple girls, not just one. Not all of them were relationship material, some just used me for my intelligence to help them through their degree; I helped them even if my degree was going badly. So I became firm, and stopped acting like such a push over, sorted myself out. I stopped people who would actively exploit my weaknesses for their own ego take advatange of me (men and women).

I have managed to control a lot of aspects of my life now, I am fitter, look better, and worked really hard for my resits this summer. (I reckon I averaged a 2:1) - but will wait and see.

This is part of the reason why I have manifested into self-centredness. I have become completely self reliant on myself (...and frankly I am bitter at the attitude people have for others when they are going through hard times). I suppose this could be why I don't want a relationship, I am afraid I might soften up like I did before and go astray.

I have told a couple of people about my situation and they just start to see me in a different light (which is why I am hesistant to PM you). People that do not know this side to me, percieve me as 'cool', socialble and so fourth. Which I am - I am an easy going guy essentially.

I know parents etc put a lot of pressure on you to do well in your degree, everyone wants to do well obviously. But, at the end of the day, all you can do is your best...don't work so hard that you make yourself ill or whatever, take time out to relax from work, go out and have fun with friends and I'm sure you'll do fine!

Hope this helps hun, I'm not too good at advice but thought I'd give it a try, PM me if you would like to talk more...always like to try and make people feel better! :smile:

I do, but it does not take away the emptyness; or makes me feel compassionate. I could be in a relationship right now if I wanted to, but I don't know....I just don't want it.

Reply 4

Crimson Black

13

How bizarre, I've been feeling exactly the same way for the past few months. I've become colder, blunter, more forthright; and I simply care less whether others agree with me any more. The people I do know and trust, I still care for - I've never come across as a person who cares much, but deep down I think about others a great deal - but I'm not as open as I am when I meet new people; I used to care about whether people liked me or not, but these days I just don't give two hoots what people think of what I do or what I'm like anymore.

I'm attributing this change to living in London (thickens your skin, so to speak), losing a lot of weight and becoming very fit in the process, having a lot on my plate already about the coming academic year (and it hasn't even started :eek:

), and just generally acting in a more adult fashion.

So yes, I can understand where you're coming from.

Reply 5

WokSz

17

Like you said it's a defense mechanism - I would just focus on finishing my degree with the best grade possible. Open up to the world later.

Reply 6

ForeverIsMyName

15

Self reliance is a virtue.

Reply 7

Kimbolina

Anonymous

Happened with multiple girls, not just one. Not all of them were relationship material, some just used me for my intelligence to help them through their degree; I helped them even if my degree was going badly. So I became firm, and stopped acting like such a push over, sorted myself out. I stopped people who would actively exploit my weaknesses for their own ego take advatange of me (men and women).

I have managed to control a lot of aspects of my life now, I am fitter, look better, and worked really hard for my resits this summer. (I reckon I averaged a 2:1) - but will wait and see.

This is part of the reason why I have manifested into self-centredness. I have become completely self reliant on myself (...and frankly I am bitter at the attitude people have for others when they are going through hard times). I suppose this could be why I don't want a relationship, I am afraid I might soften up like I did before and go astray.

I have told a couple of people about my situation and they just start to see me in a different light (which is why I am hesistant to PM you). People that do not know this side to me, percieve me as 'cool', socialble and so fourth. Which I am - I am an easy going guy essentially.

I do, but it does not take away the emptyness; or makes me feel compassionate. I could be in a relationship right now if I wanted to, but I don't know....I just don't want it.

Ok that's fair enough about the PM thing, I am here to talk about if it you change your mind :smile:

Not very compassionate anymore

Related discussions

Articles for you