The Student Room Group

I dont want "someone better", I want him :(

Ok I've been pretty depressed for the past week or so. My boyfriend of four months told me earlier in the week that he found our relationship awkward because lately we haven't had much to say to eachother (we've been apart quite a while because we're not at uni for the summer and so we only meet up once every few weeks). The last time we saw eachother was weird coz he didnt seem interested in anything I said and I agree it was awkward.

I'm pretty sure hes going to break up with me soon - he seems to have just gone off me. Its hard to accept and I've been very down about it. I really really like him and its rare for me to like someone this much. I thought there was a future in the relationship but I dont think he feels the same.

My friends and family are trying to cheer me up by saying the classic lines ("dont worry, you'll find someone much better"/"you're too good for him anyway"...blah blah). While I appreciate their support, they dont seem to realise that I will be upset if he dumps me. I dont WANT "someone better", I just want him. I want things to be the way they were when we were at uni and we were really having fun together. I just want to be enough for him but I dont think I am.

Sorry, just had to get it out somewhere. Any advice would be appreciated coz its been a rubbish week for me :frown:

(I'm posting Anon because I dont want people i know to recognise me.)
Reply 1
Sometimes a relationship runs it's course.

The thing you have to think is that if there's any doubt in his mind at all - then it's not perfect, and it's not what you're looking for.

Whilst it's hard to accept - you will find someone better, you might not like that - but you will, whether you want to or not.

*hugs* I know how much it hurts darling.
Reply 2
I don't think it's true that they wouldn't realise you were upset. They're trying to put a positive spin on things, and improve your confidence, but maybe the timing is a little off on their part given you're still technically together and you have strong feelings for him. It's never nice to hear people say bad things (indirectly) about people you care for. I'm pretty sure they will understand, and be supportive. Talk to them about how you feel, and if you feel their optimistic advice isn't helping then say so.
No matter how hurtful it may be, the only way to put an end to your anguish would be to have a heart-to-heart with him and discuss whether your relationship can be saved. Do your family mean what they say about you being too good for him? If he has behaved badly towards you and given them a reason o say that then perhaps you should listen to them.
I agree with the above posts and most importantly, do not start to convince yourself he is going to break up with you because think about it this way - say for instance if he isn't planning on splitting up and then when you talk the conversation is awquard because you're constantly expecting him to break up. You'll definitely act differently, and he'll definitely pick up on it. I can understand how you're feeling, but you should wait until something is definite because he'll pick up vibes that you're uncomfortable or something.
Reply 5
Just have a good talk about this with him. Try doing things that put the spark back in your relationship like having a romantic dinner somewhere, go to the movies etc.

Just make the few moments you are together memorable! I'm not saying that you're the only one who has to make some effort, obviously if he doesn't do anything or just doesn't seem interested then it's not your fault in any way. At least you tried your best and you're not to blame for the relationship failing just because he isn't interested anymore.
Don't assume that he is going to break up with you, cos that will only make you upset. Just prepare yourself, and go with the flow. Remember, nothing last forever!
Reply 7
Thanks for the advice.
I do want to talk to him about it but its so difficult coz the only time we can at the moment is when he phones me when hes walking home from the pub or something, and its just not a good time then. He clams up most of the time anyway.

I'm going to try and meet up with him next weekend but I'm paranoid now that it'll be "awkward" again like last time. I guess I just have to chat to him about it and decide what the best thing to do about this is. Even if its not the outcome I want, I need to know where i stand with him :frown: