Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Lots of first dates, no progression. Advice? Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm 22, female, not bad looking, never had a boyfriend or relationship, still a virgin (but have done most other sexual things).

    Most guys that have been into me in the past have just wanted me for sex, and when I didn't give it to them, they stop speaking to me. I tried dating from tinder, met about 10 people from it. Almost every guy met me only once and never spoke to me again.
    The exceptions were one guy who was nice but I felt he only really used me as a booty call for free blow jobs; he was a bit of a pillow princess, always asking for blow jobs and never giving anything back. I felt a bit used and ended things.

    Second guy I went on three dates with. He seemed quite reserved, which I don't mind, but the dates were nice - he just lost interest after the third and stopped messaging. Nothing happened between us on those dates except conversation.

    I try my best to be as nice as possible, make jokes, I always pay half of the drinks. I don't know what I'm doing wrong really. A lot of the time I've had the feeling that guys can sense I'm a bit inexperienced and therefore stopped contact as they don't want the burden of a virgin... It's knocking my confidence quite a bit (and I'm usually quite confident).

    Am I just unlucky? Or is there something specific I need to do for people to take me seriously / keep dating me?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 22, female, not bad looking, never had a boyfriend or relationship, still a virgin (but have done most other sexual things).

    Most guys that have been into me in the past have just wanted me for sex, and when I didn't give it to them, they stop speaking to me. I tried dating from tinder, met about 10 people from it. Almost every guy met me only once and never spoke to me again.
    The exceptions were one guy who was nice but I felt he only really used me as a booty call for free blow jobs; he was a bit of a pillow princess, always asking for blow jobs and never giving anything back. I felt a bit used and ended things.

    Second guy I went on three dates with. He seemed quite reserved, which I don't mind, but the dates were nice - he just lost interest after the third and stopped messaging. Nothing happened between us on those dates except conversation.

    I try my best to be as nice as possible, make jokes, I always pay half of the drinks. I don't know what I'm doing wrong really. A lot of the time I've had the feeling that guys can sense I'm a bit inexperienced and therefore stopped contact as they don't want the burden of a virgin... It's knocking my confidence quite a bit (and I'm usually quite confident).

    Am I just unlucky? Or is there something specific I need to do for people to take me seriously / keep dating me?
    Damn, you're seeing the wrong guys! There are many decent men who won't give a toss about you being a virgin, you just have to know where to look. One thing I would suggest is getting off Tinder, it seems like many of the people who use it only want sex. At least that's how it seemed when I used it for a few weeks last year.

    I lost my virginity at your age, and it wasn't long ago at all (former religious reasons). It really isn't a big deal and I know a few 30 year olds who are virgins. If you feel like it's too much of a burden and sex is what you want then you don't have to disclose that you're a virgin. You said that you have done other sexual stuff before so they shouldn't notice. If you have used a vibrator or been fingered, you probably don't have a hymen anymore (if you even had one to begin with). However, if they do ask then don't lie.

    Damn, don't ever sleep with a pillow princess more than once, they're the worst! The issue could just be your self-esteem: don't be so desperate. Keep dating but focus on other things as well, such as hobbies and where you want to go in life and with your career. Start being more picky and talk to the guys for a while before you go on dates so that you can sense the red flags before you have wasted your time. Join clubs, meetup groups and similar things that will help you to meet people who share your interests. If you're at uni then societies are the way forward, best of luck :thumbsup:
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    WBZ144 has given you sound advice! Tinder, stereotypically, is used for hooking up. I do know really nice people who've found relationships on tinder. Even though you may not feel like it you are actually still young and are not unique being 22 and a virgin. I agree that perhaps you need to do some more chatting w/ these guys if you're going to continue w/ tinder before you meet up. You can and should be clear that you are not looking for a hookup. You don't want to be someone's hookup. As you have found you're going to end up being used. There are nice guys on tinder. The guy who stopped contacting you after 3 dates may have felt you just weren't into him!! I've had that happen to me! I went out with a guy five times (we met through friends) and I thought I was being nice and friendly but he never tried to kiss me. I liked that he was acting like a 'gentleman' (in my opinion) and he was feeling like I wasn't giving him 'kiss me' signals. I ended up asking him to go to dinner one Sunday night and he did kiss me good night. It wasn't until months later that he told me he had decided he wasn't going to contact me anymore because he thought I wasn't interested but was happy when I asked him for dinner. He even had plans w/ a friend which he dumped to go out with me.

    Also, as hard as it sounds give up trying to find a relationship. I've found that when I wasn't looking for a relationship is when I've found them. It's like the universe knows when you're actively looking and we give off signals that scares guys away. It's funny when you read TSR and there are plenty of guys who would also like to be in a relationship yet everyone keeps not connecting. Anyway, you sound like you are basically doing the right thing and your time will come..... really! Just continue to be yourself! Good Luck!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by WBZ144)
    Damn, you're seeing the wrong guys! There are many decent men who won't give a toss about you being a virgin, you just have to know where to look. One thing I would suggest is getting off Tinder, it seems like many of the people who use it only want sex. At least that's how it seemed when I used it for a few weeks last year.

    I lost my virginity at your age, and it wasn't long ago at all (former religious reasons). It really isn't a big deal and I know a few 30 year olds who are virgins. If you feel like it's too much of a burden and sex is what you want then you don't have to disclose that you're a virgin. You said that you have done other sexual stuff before so they shouldn't notice. If you have used a vibrator or been fingered, you probably don't have a hymen anymore (if you even had one to begin with). However, if they do ask then don't lie.

    Damn, don't ever sleep with a pillow princess more than once, they're the worst! The issue could just be your self-esteem: don't be so desperate. Keep dating but focus on other things as well, such as hobbies and where you want to go in life and with your career. Start being more picky and talk to the guys for a while before you go on dates so that you can sense the red flags before you have wasted your time. Join clubs, meetup groups and similar things that will help you to meet people who share your interests. If you're at uni then societies are the way forward, best of luck :thumbsup:

    Yeah everyone I've met, I've spoken to them for at least a few weeks beforehand - I don't think I could meet up with someone instantly without some conversation.
    I'm not particularly LOOKING for a relationship - I was just going on loads of dates because I wanted to enjoy myself and see if anything went anywhere, although I definitely get your point that Tinder isn't the best place for anything more than sex.
    I'm currently on a really intensive course - lots of 9-5 days - so I struggle to meet people really as most of my time is spent with colleagues who aren't exactly the nicest people to be dating.

    I'm thinking of getting a weekend job to make some money and make new friends so hopefully that should help I guess?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Hopefully1)
    WBZ144 has given you sound advice! Tinder, stereotypically, is used for hooking up. I do know really nice people who've found relationships on tinder. Even though you may not feel like it you are actually still young and are not unique being 22 and a virgin. I agree that perhaps you need to do some more chatting w/ these guys if you're going to continue w/ tinder before you meet up. You can and should be clear that you are not looking for a hookup. You don't want to be someone's hookup. As you have found you're going to end up being used. There are nice guys on tinder. The guy who stopped contacting you after 3 dates may have felt you just weren't into him!! I've had that happen to me! I went out with a guy five times (we met through friends) and I thought I was being nice and friendly but he never tried to kiss me. I liked that he was acting like a 'gentleman' (in my opinion) and he was feeling like I wasn't giving him 'kiss me' signals. I ended up asking him to go to dinner one Sunday night and he did kiss me good night. It wasn't until months later that he told me he had decided he wasn't going to contact me anymore because he thought I wasn't interested but was happy when I asked him for dinner. He even had plans w/ a friend which he dumped to go out with me.

    Also, as hard as it sounds give up trying to find a relationship. I've found that when I wasn't looking for a relationship is when I've found them. It's like the universe knows when you're actively looking and we give off signals that scares guys away. It's funny when you read TSR and there are plenty of guys who would also like to be in a relationship yet everyone keeps not connecting. Anyway, you sound like you are basically doing the right thing and your time will come..... really! Just continue to be yourself! Good Luck!
    I just explained the whole tinder thing to the above poster btw^ cba to type it again hahah! Well yeah a few people told me "maybe he's waiting for you to message him" but I'm a bit sceptical about that... I don't want to be the only one constantly making the move and I felt that if he's truly interested in me he'd just contact me anyway. I wish I could read minds so I know what guys are thinking :cry:But yeah, I think I'll just get off tinder for a bit and start focusing on studying / finding a job and hopefully someone will come along!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 6, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Should Spain allow Catalonia to declare independence?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.