Cant stop thinking about my mothers death?

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    Im 22 my mother is 44, she is still alive and well, but im deeply depressed, have been since i was 15, and i cant stop thinking that one day she will be gone, that i will never see her again, and it makes me cry, and even more depressed..
    what do i do?
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    You are right, one day she will be gone, and you will have to live the rest of your life without her.

    But you say she is 44, and in good health. so she will not be gone when you are 23, or 24. She might be gone when you are 66 or 77, but even then - who knows? Her health may yet surprise you, and you'll already have had 44 or 55 years of her love and attention. She may outlive you, and grieve her beloved daughter - did you consider that? The bottom line is, you don't know, she doesn't know, none of us know. So just concern yourself with tomorrow and the day after for now, and tell your mum you love her. Every day. It sounds like you've got a long time together yet. So don't torture yourself with needless worry.
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    She's still young and healthy, instead of thinking about the inevitable you should embrace the time you have with her.
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    Spend as much time with her as you can and make sure you appreciate her and tell her how much you appreciate her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im 22 my mother is 44, she is still alive and well, but im deeply depressed, have been since i was 15, and i cant stop thinking that one day she will be gone, that i will never see her again, and it makes me cry, and even more depressed..
    what do i do?
    All the more reason to make the most of her whilst she is around. I used to have that feeling for a while. Average age is 80 so you have a long way to go.
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    I get thoughts like this too. Every night before I go to sleep all I can think about is losing loved ones - my mum, my grandparents, my pets etc and it gives me panic attacks and a feeling of utter dread but I've had to find ways to distract myself such as I listen to relaxing music or sounds while I'm trying to drift. I also spend as much time with my family as I can and try to let go of arguments easier than I used to as life is short.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im 22 my mother is 44, she is still alive and well, but im deeply depressed, have been since i was 15, and i cant stop thinking that one day she will be gone, that i will never see her again, and it makes me cry, and even more depressed..
    what do i do?
    I suggest you look at the underlying problem. Yes people will all die eventually and it is very sad but it is not something you should be worrying about all the time. It's common to worry about things like this when suffering with depression or other mental health problems though and it's likely that if it were not this it would be some other random thing. The best way to deal with it would be to see a doctor and get support with the underlying depression you say you have been struggling with for a long time. Therapy is a good starting point and can be very helpful in recovery. It can also help you deal with these symptomatic concerns as you are heading towards recovery.

    I used to worry and get upset about damn near everything including untimely or even timley deaths of family and friends. I tried ignoring them, distracting myself etc etc, but the only real help for me was seeing a doctor and starting to tackle the issue causing it- my depression. It did also help me a bit to remind myself that it wasn't a real worry and that it was just a symptom of my depression. It didn't alway help, but sometimes it was enough to get me by. For the time being try to focus on it being an unfounded fear and although it will someday happen, your worrying will not make the situation better. Try to focus on the fact that she is still here and currently happy and healthy and enjoy that time. This alone will not solve the problem, but hopefully it will make it more managable while you get down to the main issue. You could also look into advice for people suffering intrusive thoughts with OCD. Although it is a different condition the principal is very simmilar and the advice can be applied to situations like yours quite well. Mind.org has a good deal of advice on a wide variety of mh conditions so you may want to check that out.

    Depression can be a very lonely and scary illness but you do not have to go it alone. Along with treatment from your doctor there are loads of support groups for sufferers including TSR's MHSS and an online forum at Sane.org. You can also look for local support groups in your area or talk to/ visit Mind, Sane or Samaritans for more support and advice. If you are still in education you can also talk to student support.
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    Is your anticipated grief based on any painful handling of past grief? Nobody really wants to go through the pain of that loss, but they need to accept that this is a future possibility/reality (you could die before her!)

    Is she happy in her life? Is she lonely? This insecurity may be coming from another unresolved issue.

    Your insecurity could be based on a strong attachment between you. Being close can be great, but the down side is that you fear independence. Believing that you can recover from your grief takes you past one small (but very significant) life change. People get through these traumas and gradually regain independence in their lives.

    As others have mentioned, appreciating her whilst she is still around can ease any future guilt.
 
 
 
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