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LONER girl university Watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hello


    I am looking for advice//reassurance

    I am in year two of university and doing a very intense challenging course..

    I have suffered with severe health problems for a while which are not under control and last year I missed the first two of university due to them.. this meant I missed the ice breaker period where everyone was making friends - I made one REAL friend from small tutorial session..

    unfortunately they failed the year and so I am Actually on my OWN this year..
    My health problems unexpectantly went SEVERE this summer and due to an emergency I missed the first week again of this year..

    So basically I am pretty sure loners are loners for a reason - so my reason I am really not well and I struggle everyday and all I wish for is just to get my health back..

    I still go to lectures everyday even though I am the only loner girl - I still do despite the horrible anxiety I get from thinking that everyone must be feeling sorry for me - because I have no one -

    how can I better cope in lectures with this anxiety - I can't get friends now its too late - I just want to know how to improve my self esteem - self worth and not feel like a loser just cos I'm on my own

    and yes - I know I shouldn't really be in uni this year due to my circumstances but I am not giving up till I have to.. - that's why I'm here even though my body language indicates that I'm sad everyday..

    is it rare for a GIRl to be loner - FYI - I am cute looking and have nice figure - make reasonable efforts - don't think I'm ugly - just have no one..
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    1) Go to bar / club.
    2) Get attention from being a cute girl.
    • Very Important Poster
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    wrong person
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    What course are you doing? Also, I need pics otherwise I can't help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello


    I am looking for advice//reassurance

    I am in year two of university and doing a very intense challenging course..

    I have suffered with severe health problems for a while which are not under control and last year I missed the first two of university due to them.. this meant I missed the ice breaker period where everyone was making friends - I made one REAL friend from small tutorial session..

    unfortunately they failed the year and so I am Actually on my OWN this year..
    My health problems unexpectantly went SEVERE this summer and due to an emergency I missed the first week again of this year..

    So basically I am pretty sure loners are loners for a reason - so my reason I am really not well and I struggle everyday and all I wish for is just to get my health back..

    I still go to lectures everyday even though I am the only loner girl - I still do despite the horrible anxiety I get from thinking that everyone must be feeling sorry for me - because I have no one -

    how can I better cope in lectures with this anxiety - I can't get friends now its too late - I just want to know how to improve my self esteem - self worth and not feel like a loser just cos I'm on my own

    and yes - I know I shouldn't really be in uni this year due to my circumstances but I am not giving up till I have to.. - that's why I'm here even though my body language indicates that I'm sad everyday..

    is it rare for a GIRl to be loner - FYI - I am cute looking and have nice figure - make reasonable efforts - don't think I'm ugly - just have no one..


    Sorry to hear about your friend, sods law. At least you have her as a friend outside lectures?

    I don't think I ever had this issue or would never have cared anyway. I think in lectures its nice to sit with people but tbh there arent that many lectures and i'd j
    ust focus on the lecture and making notes. It would seem a bit odd (although not impossible) to break into a group that you havent sat with for a year.

    Tbh a lot of people from your year you wouldnt wnat to sit with ir have as friends anyway.

    Some people arent so cliquey though and cna be reasonably sociable. Maybe sit near them and just be sociable. Too much of you is anxious thinking theyare seeing longer girl when in fact most people are trying to stay awake during the lecture and you arent on their mind.

    You still have the opportunity for tutorial groups and ofc if you are doing new modules, then that normally means a rejig of groups so you cna get to know people again including your tutorial group. Its good to have someone you can get lecture notes off etc.

    I note you talk about your health a lot and I think you need to get that sorted. If its an issue its something you have to keep the department appraised of and if it has an effect on your studies think carefully as to whether to ask for special circumstances or delay taking your exams. If you take exams and resit then they are usually capped at 40% rather than a deferment preserves your chance to do them as a first sitting. Soldiering on when maybe you should be delaing with your helath is maybe not the wisest choice.



    Advice

    How to make firneds. I agreed its harder in second and third year, but there are chances.
    They arent paying attention to you.
    be sociable by all means, but if people dont speak then you cna always try and engage in conversation or if not comfy then focus on the lecture making your nites plus take a paper or read soemthing whilst you are waiting. Peopel are thete for the lecture first and foremost. Make good notes and its served its purpose.

    Try and make friends outside, such as clubs and societies, where you have a common interest and people are there to socialise. All you need are a few, plus maintain friendship with the ones who are repeating and what happens a few hours a week in lectures will matter much less.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by DarthRoar)
    1) Go to bar / club.
    2) Get attention from being a cute girl.
    1. I dont do bars/clubs not my thing. Going out as a girl on your owm is asking for trouble.

    2. Lol i dont get attention but its fine. Peoplr dont suddenly give attention to someome they've constantly ignored for a year
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    [QUOTE=Orbital Rising;67917724]What course are you doing? Also, I need pics otherwise I can't help.[/QUOT

    I rather not say my course as then i may be sussed out by someome on my course if they lurk tsr

    Also by telling me you need pics your implying that pretty people are never loners. ..which is fine..
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Sorry to hear about your friend, sods law. At least you have her as a friend outside lectures?

    I don't think I ever had this issue or would never have cared anyway. I think in lectures its nice to sit with people but tbh there arent that many lectures and i'd j
    ust focus on the lecture and making notes. It would seem a bit odd (although not impossible) to break into a group that you havent sat with for a year.

    Tbh a lot of people from your year you wouldnt wnat to sit with ir have as friends anyway.

    Some people arent so cliquey though and cna be reasonably sociable. Maybe sit near them and just be sociable. Too much of you is anxious thinking theyare seeing longer girl when in fact most people are trying to stay awake during the lecture and you arent on their mind.

    You still have the opportunity for tutorial groups and ofc if you are doing new modules, then that normally means a rejig of groups so you cna get to know people again including your tutorial group. Its good to have someone you can get lecture notes off etc.

    I note you talk about your health a lot and I think you need to get that sorted. If its an issue its something you have to keep the department appraised of and if it has an effect on your studies think carefully as to whether to ask for special circumstances or delay taking your exams. If you take exams and resit then they are usually capped at 40% rather than a deferment preserves your chance to do them as a first sitting. Soldiering on when maybe you should be delaing with your helath is maybe not the wisest choice.



    Advice

    How to make firneds. I agreed its harder in second and third year, but there are chances.
    They arent paying attention to you.
    be sociable by all means, but if people dont speak then you cna always try and engage in conversation or if not comfy then focus on the lecture making your nites plus take a paper or read soemthing whilst you are waiting. Peopel are thete for the lecture first and foremost. Make good notes and its served its purpose.

    Try and make friends outside, such as clubs and societies, where you have a common interest and people are there to socialise. All you need are a few, plus maintain friendship with the ones who are repeating and what happens a few hours a week in lectures will matter much less.

    I do have friends outside of my course but i domt live with them and see them about one day a week...

    Everyone is cliquey in my course. I won't succumb and be desperate with people just so i cam sit with someome in a lecture. Jusy wisj i wouldnt get anxious. The worst part is the wait before lecture starte and you're awkwardly going on your phone or when lecturer says discuss thid with the persok mext to you and its like awkward. ..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do have friends outside of my course but i domt live with them and see them about one day a week...

    Everyone is cliquey in my course. I won't succumb and be desperate with people just so i cam sit with someome in a lecture. Jusy wisj i wouldnt get anxious. The worst part is the wait before lecture starte and you're awkwardly going on your phone or when lecturer says discuss thid with the persok mext to you and its like awkward. ..
    I dont think what I said went in.

    If you dont want to sit with anyone and you dont want to make an effort (however small) of making friends then ofc you are going to be loner girl. Its partly self imposed. If you wish to talk about it in terms of succumbing and being desperate, then dont socialise.

    You mean the 5 minutes before the lecturer starts speaking and maybe friends are tlaking to each other? Cant you have some headphones on and just read a book? Am sure there must be other people sat on their own, do you feel unable to enter a converstaion with them?

    By the 2nd year people go to lecturers for the lecture and by 3rd year you are just thinking about finals. You arent missing out on anything.

    If you have trouble speaking to people, is that because you dont understand the work? If you join social clubs and societies, then socialising should make talking to classmates easier. All I would be thinking about is doing what was asked. If they are the right person then they are obliged to talk with you because its part of the lecture? Normally that sort of thing was limited to tutorials and you know everyone in your tutorial?

    Maybe some CBT therapy where they cna give you exercises/ routines to overcome the awkwardness you feel. Most people without your anxiety wont feel it, but it becomes easier the more you do it till you realise theres nothing to be anxious about and you cna deal with it.

    https://www.quora.com/Social-Anxiety...king-to-people
    http://www.improveyoursocialskills.c...social-anxiety
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    Omg this is me lmaooo. :rofl:

    I don't give two shits anymore. I made like two friends who aren't even in the same seminar groups as me and it's hard to see them around.

    If you know that being social isn't your thing then just try not to care about what others think. I know it's easier said than done for some people.

    If you need someone to talk to then feel free to PM me.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by undercxver)
    Omg this is me lmaooo. :rofl:

    I don't give two shits anymore. I made like two friends who aren't even in the same seminar groups as me and it's hard to see them around.

    If you know that being social isn't your thing then just try not to care about what others think. I know it's easier said than done for some people.

    If you need someone to talk to then feel free to PM me.

    are you still in university? what year are you in?

    how do you not get so anxious in lectures or anywhere in uni where you're sitting on your own..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    are you still in university? what year are you in?

    how do you not get so anxious in lectures or anywhere in uni where you're sitting on your own..
    I just started, year 1.

    I used to be like that the first few days but tbh if you think about it there's no point in stressing over something like that. What other people think shouldn't effect you so much to the point you're getting anxious. Remember the reason why you're there. I constantly tell myself I want that first class hons degree and that is the only reason why I'm at university. The workload is enough stress, I'm not letting anything else get to me. Idk I just do me and leave loool.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by undercxver)
    I just started, year 1.

    I used to be like that the first few days but tbh if you think about it there's no point in stressing over something like that. What other people think shouldn't effect you so much to the point you're getting anxious. Remember the reason why you're there. I constantly tell myself I want that first class hons degree and that is the only reason why I'm at university. The workload is enough stress, I'm not letting anything else get to me. Idk I just do me and leave loool.
    are you a girl or guy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    are you a girl or guy
    Girl
 
 
 
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