no motivation or confidence- help

well this will probably turn into a long rant, sorry..oh and sorry if alot of this has been said before..

erm well the problem is i generally have no motivation in life, ive just finished college and now spend alot of time at home, as i'm currently looking for another job as i only work a few hours a week. I feel really tired alot of the time and just stay at home. I dont have many friends, and the ones i do have live quite far away and the couple that live close are always busy, so dont want to do anything.

I suffer from low confidence, i think this is mainly due to the way i look and thinking i'm ugly and not worth anything. This isnt helped by my younger, better looking more confident sister :frown:

I was also always bullied throughout school etc due to my appearance and other things. I just dont know how to improve my confidence, ive never had a boyfriend, as any guy i meet i dont know what to say, so i'm really quiet, which i think makes me come across as stuck up or a snob :frown:

ive also never been clubbing or done other things people my age have done and this makes me feel embarressed and down as i think people see me as boring :redface:

Well if youve read all that if you have any tips on building confidence etc? i'd be very gratefull...

Reply 1

bobbyb99

Don't worry, there will still be people your age who havn't been clubbing (more than you think). :smile:

Maybe start by going to a quiet pub and build up from there

For motivation start by having some goals in life, stuff you want to achieve, career-wise etc

Getting a new job can be good as you can meet new people which will help you get a better social life.

For confidence try to make your self feel as best as you can. Stuff like have a new haircut, new clothes, heathy eating/exercise

Reply 2

PatchTheCatch

6

First problem I think is how you feel undermined by your younger sister. That's a problem because if you truely think that you'll be faced with it everynight at home etc. Your sister may be attractive then by default you must be too ^^ same parents I assume?
NEVER put yourself down, seriously nothing comes from putting yourself down. Just think positively, optimistically etc. Just try to talk to people, you'd be surprised how willing people are to talk. I love talking so when someone starts talking to me I'll automatically listen and develop a sense of respect for them. About being confident in yourself that shouldn't really matter. I'm not confident in myself, but confident in my beliefs that other people will accept me dispite my inhibitions. So it's more have faith in your ideas and thoughts rather than yourself if you understand? In the end confidence is merely a placebo and it's easily gained. Smile at yourself in a mirror, sounds loserish but really it will help make you just feel generally more happy.

So to sum up, talk more
smile at yourself
believe in yourself
don't let other people ideas influence you

Hope I've helped ^^

Reply 3

anonymous1985

teenageclay

First problem I think is how you feel undermined by your younger sister. That's a problem because if you truely think that you'll be faced with it everynight at home etc. Your sister may be attractive then by default you must be too ^^ same parents I assume?
NEVER put yourself down, seriously nothing comes from putting yourself down. Just think positively, optimistically etc. Just try to talk to people, you'd be surprised how willing people are to talk. I love talking so when someone starts talking to me I'll automatically listen and develop a sense of respect for them. About being confident in yourself that shouldn't really matter. I'm not confident in myself, but confident in my beliefs that other people will accept me dispite my inhibitions. So it's more have faith in your ideas and thoughts rather than yourself if you understand? In the end confidence is merely a placebo and it's easily gained. Smile at yourself in a mirror, sounds loserish but really it will help make you just feel generally more happy.

So to sum up, talk more
smile at yourself
believe in yourself
don't let other people ideas influence you

Hope I've helped ^^

Well said!

Reply 4

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

9

I agree with what mooncheese89 and teenageclay said.

It is true that clubbing isn't for everyone. In my first term at uni I went a couple of times and got stupidly drunk but then I haven't been since and actually gave up drinking earlier this year. There will always be something else that you can do. People should not judge you for not wanting to go out.

And the thinking positively stuff is really good advice (I know that's what I need to do to get over my self esteem issues). It is your life and you should make of it as you wish. Don't be brought down by what other people think and have a good time.

:hugs:

I hope things improve soon.

Reply 5

Little_Miss_Shy

OP

Thanks everyone for your advice its really good, guess i should try and use it and think positive etc. Thankyou..

oh and teenageclay yes me and my sister have same parents, although i dont see how i'm attractive by default, she's really tall and slim, pretty-faced and i'm short and well overweight etc, people even tell me that :frown:

but i guess i shall start and try to use your advice, as its really good, thanks :smile:

Reply 6

Angrybanana

11

I feel just like you :hugs:

but I'm lucky not to have a sister to be compared to just a very outgoing brother! I used to think that I was a loser because I wasn't out clubbing every saturday but then I got to uni, and realised I didn't actually like it anyway.
I know someone has suggested healthy eating/exercise regime but it really works. I've been doing it for 2 weeks and I've never felt so good physically and mentally, and if you like what you see on the outside it really gives you a boost. Join a gym, and get a session with an instructor to help you work out a weight loss program and stick to it. When you see your body changing it's the best feeling in the world. :smile:

Good luck, remember that you deserve to be happy x

Reply 7

Little_Miss_Shy

OP

Thankyou for your reply AngryBanana, it really helped :smile:

i will try the exercise and healthy eating tip although i think i will struggle abit with the healthy eating part as i'm a total chocoholic :p:

Reply 8

magic_unicorn

12

I was at this stage not that long ago and I've since changed.
Stop comparing yourself to others, you are unique- be yourself.
In the end I don't think its your looks that are holding you back from being confident.
I only just started going out clubbing at the age of 19- yes about half a year after I started uni (but its not everyones interest, but if you do want to just throw yourself into it with friends).
Its about changing your attitude, learn to accept yourself as you are and you will notice big differences! Find out what interests you and pursue these- quit procrastinating and go for it- have fun! :smile:

It can be a slow process, but you'll look back and feel so proud of yourself.

Good quotes to live by: those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter'
'The world is in your hands. create dreams and fulfill them. love yourself before anyone else and always smile' :smile:

Reply 9

garethDT

13

change your username. If you tell yourself you're shy then that's what you'll be. I think you should change your name to Little Miss Confident. When you wake up each morning tell yourself that you are confident, and beautiful and outgoing and then you will start to believe it and start acting like a confident, beautiful and outgoing person.

Reply 10

Rutter knows best!

12

anything i could say would simply fade into insigificance.

Reply 11

Wangers

16

practice walking into somewhere with your head held high, be proud of who you are - in the whole history and fate of the universe - there will only ever be ONE you - dosnt that make you feel special?

As for looks - they help sure but personally Id rather talk to someone interesting rather then a vacuous space. Practice reading aloud some inspirational speeches - it helps - Henry V for instance.

Try and enjoy every single day - just go out and talk to people - procrastination is like masterbation - you're only ****ing yourself. Action this day and all that - besides, if not now, WHEN?

no motivation or confidence- help

Related discussions

Articles for you