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Brother has gone off the rails
Hey,
I'm home from university for the summer and my younger brother who is 16 seems to be going through a very difficult time. He does nothing but play computer games and smoke weed all the time. On top of this he has taken to stealing to pay for his habits, he used my bank card running up a bill of £100 and stolen two £15 bottles of Vodka from my room. To top this all off he physically attacked me this morning as I was moaning at him to pay me the money back. I basically had a fall a few days ago and was in a bit of weakened state (hurt my arms), so I guess he thought he may get lucky... I’m still bigger than him so I was able to put him in his place.
I'm really not sure what to do now though, I have to live with him for another month or so and I’m getting really worried for him. Its not been an easy year for any of us, my Dad recently moved out; Christmas was awful as my Nan died and my sister attempted suicide (she has sorted herself out now). This led to me only sitting 2 out of the 4 Jan exams, so I have to revise for 2 summer exams over the next few weeks and have my 3rd year research project to do as well.
All this has obviously been a lot for my Mum to deal with and she struggles to even try and discipline my brother in anyway. My Dad form of discipline is worrying, basically beat the crap out of my brother, which he hasn't done yet but if I told him about me being attacked today I think he would do it.
Basically I wanna help my brother and am hoping that this is just a phase some teenagers go through. Clearly we don't get on though, mainly as I’m the only one that attempts to give him some boundaries, which doesn't seem to be working. Does anyone have any suggestions on how it is best to deal with him? Some of his friends do pills and I seriously don't want him to go down that route. It is also very likely that he has messed up his GCSE's. Are there any organisations that maybe able to help? On the other hand I obviously need to focus on work soon, so a part of me just wants to keep the peace and let him get on with it, i think we could do with some space...
Thanks
I'm home from university for the summer and my younger brother who is 16 seems to be going through a very difficult time. He does nothing but play computer games and smoke weed all the time. On top of this he has taken to stealing to pay for his habits, he used my bank card running up a bill of £100 and stolen two £15 bottles of Vodka from my room. To top this all off he physically attacked me this morning as I was moaning at him to pay me the money back. I basically had a fall a few days ago and was in a bit of weakened state (hurt my arms), so I guess he thought he may get lucky... I’m still bigger than him so I was able to put him in his place.
I'm really not sure what to do now though, I have to live with him for another month or so and I’m getting really worried for him. Its not been an easy year for any of us, my Dad recently moved out; Christmas was awful as my Nan died and my sister attempted suicide (she has sorted herself out now). This led to me only sitting 2 out of the 4 Jan exams, so I have to revise for 2 summer exams over the next few weeks and have my 3rd year research project to do as well.
All this has obviously been a lot for my Mum to deal with and she struggles to even try and discipline my brother in anyway. My Dad form of discipline is worrying, basically beat the crap out of my brother, which he hasn't done yet but if I told him about me being attacked today I think he would do it.
Basically I wanna help my brother and am hoping that this is just a phase some teenagers go through. Clearly we don't get on though, mainly as I’m the only one that attempts to give him some boundaries, which doesn't seem to be working. Does anyone have any suggestions on how it is best to deal with him? Some of his friends do pills and I seriously don't want him to go down that route. It is also very likely that he has messed up his GCSE's. Are there any organisations that maybe able to help? On the other hand I obviously need to focus on work soon, so a part of me just wants to keep the peace and let him get on with it, i think we could do with some space...
Thanks
Hey,
I can totally sympathise with you, your brother and your family. My brother went off the rails when he was 15/16 and it was a very hard time for all of us. He started off on weed (vowing not to take anything else) and he ended up popping pills and taking cocaine. I'm not saying your brother is going to go down the same route but there is a possibility if you don't seek some sort of professional help/advice/guidance. My brother (he's now in his mid 20s) has completely turned his life around - he had to go through rehab (twice) but it benefited him in the long term. Drugs can change someone's personality drastically. My brother became abusive, aggressive, paranoid… the list goes on. He also stole from us and sold possessions to fund his habit. If you send me a private message I can send you the details of the organisation that he went to. I know that at this stage you wont be able to encourage him to do anything about it but it's good to plan ahead. Sorry to sound terribly pessimistic. I just know what damage drug addiction can cause.
I think you ought to talk to someone. Try one or more of the following:
Helpline: 0800 77 66 00 Email: [email protected]
Families Anonymous Tel: 0845 1200 660 (1pm to 4pm) Families Anonymous runs group meetings giving support to the family and friends of drug users.
Release, 388 Old Street, London EC1V 9LT Tel: 0207 729 9904. Overnight number: 0207 603 8654 Helpline: 0845 4500215 Out of London Callers or 020 7729 9904 for London Callers Email: [email protected] Release is a voluntary organisation that gives advice to drug users, their families and friends. It specialises in legal issues.
These are just a few I found on google. There are plenty more available. Take a look in the yellow pages.
Even though you aren't very close to your brother, try spending some quality time with him. I don't know what you could do together but it will give him something else to focus on. DON'T lend him money - if you do, he'll carry on pestering you while you're at home.
Your whole family sounds like they've been through a really rough time. Did you/your brother receive any counselling after your sister tried to kill herself? I'm sorry that this has had a negative effect on your university work. I hope next term isn't quite so stressful. Try not to carry the world on your shoulders. As much as you want to help your brother, you can't make everything better. You've got to look after yourself too.
If your Dad responds with abuse your brother is likely to get even more despondent and it wont encourage him to steer clear of drugs (how ever 'soft' weed is). If he has an addictive personality (which my brother had), he will probably try experimenting with other drugs. Do you know if his friends put pressure on him to behave in a certain way?
It must be hard for your mum to cope with. Try to support her but remember that you do need to get other people involved if the situation gets out of hand.
Like you said, it could be just a phase. Sorry if I've alarmed you - I'm just speaking from experience.
I hope things don't get much worse for you or your brother. Keep us updated and let us know how everything turns out.
Laus xxx
P.S. Are you male or female? Just curious
.
I can totally sympathise with you, your brother and your family. My brother went off the rails when he was 15/16 and it was a very hard time for all of us. He started off on weed (vowing not to take anything else) and he ended up popping pills and taking cocaine. I'm not saying your brother is going to go down the same route but there is a possibility if you don't seek some sort of professional help/advice/guidance. My brother (he's now in his mid 20s) has completely turned his life around - he had to go through rehab (twice) but it benefited him in the long term. Drugs can change someone's personality drastically. My brother became abusive, aggressive, paranoid… the list goes on. He also stole from us and sold possessions to fund his habit. If you send me a private message I can send you the details of the organisation that he went to. I know that at this stage you wont be able to encourage him to do anything about it but it's good to plan ahead. Sorry to sound terribly pessimistic. I just know what damage drug addiction can cause.
I think you ought to talk to someone. Try one or more of the following:
Helpline: 0800 77 66 00 Email: [email protected]
Families Anonymous Tel: 0845 1200 660 (1pm to 4pm) Families Anonymous runs group meetings giving support to the family and friends of drug users.
Release, 388 Old Street, London EC1V 9LT Tel: 0207 729 9904. Overnight number: 0207 603 8654 Helpline: 0845 4500215 Out of London Callers or 020 7729 9904 for London Callers Email: [email protected] Release is a voluntary organisation that gives advice to drug users, their families and friends. It specialises in legal issues.
These are just a few I found on google. There are plenty more available. Take a look in the yellow pages.
Even though you aren't very close to your brother, try spending some quality time with him. I don't know what you could do together but it will give him something else to focus on. DON'T lend him money - if you do, he'll carry on pestering you while you're at home.
Your whole family sounds like they've been through a really rough time. Did you/your brother receive any counselling after your sister tried to kill herself? I'm sorry that this has had a negative effect on your university work. I hope next term isn't quite so stressful. Try not to carry the world on your shoulders. As much as you want to help your brother, you can't make everything better. You've got to look after yourself too.
If your Dad responds with abuse your brother is likely to get even more despondent and it wont encourage him to steer clear of drugs (how ever 'soft' weed is). If he has an addictive personality (which my brother had), he will probably try experimenting with other drugs. Do you know if his friends put pressure on him to behave in a certain way?
It must be hard for your mum to cope with. Try to support her but remember that you do need to get other people involved if the situation gets out of hand.
Like you said, it could be just a phase. Sorry if I've alarmed you - I'm just speaking from experience.
I hope things don't get much worse for you or your brother. Keep us updated and let us know how everything turns out.
Laus xxx
P.S. Are you male or female? Just curious
.Thanks for your response and all those contact numbers, glad to hear your brother has sorted himself out.
I gave FRANK a call, the women i spoke to said that there is little i can do as its not my house and i don't make the rules. She said that i should report what he has stolen from me to the police as he is getting away with everything with little consequence. I'm not too sure about that though..., is it the right thing to do? Would he get a criminal record? I'm going to try and get my mum to lay down more ground rules.
I think its going to be very difficult to spend time with him as he pretty much hates my gutts at this moment but i will give it ago.
Its really worrying i think one of his friends is trying to encourage him to do pills... as far as i can tell he has held off.
Its really my parents responsiblity but they don't seem to deal with problems very well. I will just have to try my best. I'm going to make sure i focus on studying though. Otherwise i'm doing ok , my other exam results were good and my life is pretty much going well apart from my family. I can't completly cut myself off from whats going on with them but am getting use to dealing with it all.
Thanks again.
I gave FRANK a call, the women i spoke to said that there is little i can do as its not my house and i don't make the rules. She said that i should report what he has stolen from me to the police as he is getting away with everything with little consequence. I'm not too sure about that though..., is it the right thing to do? Would he get a criminal record? I'm going to try and get my mum to lay down more ground rules.
I think its going to be very difficult to spend time with him as he pretty much hates my gutts at this moment but i will give it ago.
Its really worrying i think one of his friends is trying to encourage him to do pills... as far as i can tell he has held off.
Its really my parents responsiblity but they don't seem to deal with problems very well. I will just have to try my best. I'm going to make sure i focus on studying though. Otherwise i'm doing ok , my other exam results were good and my life is pretty much going well apart from my family. I can't completly cut myself off from whats going on with them but am getting use to dealing with it all.
Thanks again.
It's a bit different for you. I was a lot younger (I'm 19 now) so I had to be at home. It's good that you can get out of the way but I can understand you want to be there for your family as well.
I don't know if I'd report what he has stolen. It might be a good idea… my parents were quite lenient to start with - they wanted to help him. When they sought advice they were told to kick him out. They didn't and I think that was quite a detrimental mistake. The first time he went to rehab it wasn't really out of choice - he didn't get better until he acknowledged that he needed help. I'm not sure if your brother will get a criminal record. My brother committed some minor offences but when we did call the police my parents didn't press charges. At the time it was more of a scare tactic. I would definitely talk to your mum about it - she can't let him run wild… he's only 16!
If you try to be nice to your brother he may soften up a bit. Don't let him walk all over you but try to be supportive. That way, if he's ever in trouble he might consider turning to you. I know you can't dictate how he lives his life but it would be a good idea to advise him against taking pills or giving into this 'friend'. I hope he doesn't give in. It's a dangerous path to go down.
You're right, your parents do hold some responsibility. He's a minor - not an adult - and he needs discipline (not physical mind you).
I'm glad you did well in your exams. Carry on living your life the way you want to and try not to let this get you down too much.
I'll talk to my mum later and will see if I can get any useful advice.
Take care.
I don't know if I'd report what he has stolen. It might be a good idea… my parents were quite lenient to start with - they wanted to help him. When they sought advice they were told to kick him out. They didn't and I think that was quite a detrimental mistake. The first time he went to rehab it wasn't really out of choice - he didn't get better until he acknowledged that he needed help. I'm not sure if your brother will get a criminal record. My brother committed some minor offences but when we did call the police my parents didn't press charges. At the time it was more of a scare tactic. I would definitely talk to your mum about it - she can't let him run wild… he's only 16!
If you try to be nice to your brother he may soften up a bit. Don't let him walk all over you but try to be supportive. That way, if he's ever in trouble he might consider turning to you. I know you can't dictate how he lives his life but it would be a good idea to advise him against taking pills or giving into this 'friend'. I hope he doesn't give in. It's a dangerous path to go down.
You're right, your parents do hold some responsibility. He's a minor - not an adult - and he needs discipline (not physical mind you).
I'm glad you did well in your exams. Carry on living your life the way you want to and try not to let this get you down too much.
I'll talk to my mum later and will see if I can get any useful advice.
Take care.
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