Shall I track down and "threaten" ex friend who ripped me off.

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Threaten in more of the sense just message him saying hes got a trail online so I know where he lives (in a non threatening directly way) and maybe even starting with "are you still ripping people off" and asking for money back.

    Situation was that I made friends with him at college, things started going missing like loose change, then Xbox games started going missing (and he was only visitor I had) then he turned up pretty much every day for hours wanting favours like things downloaded and burned to disc which took around 2 hours of my day up and I would do something like if he was £1 short for bus fare loan it to him, and gave him my old 360 as he promised to pay me for it and months went by and in that time he could afforrd £25 bags of cannabis pretty much every day but told me he was too skint to give me even £1 back, then he came round at new years eve at 9am with his girlfriend and spent till 4pm at mine even using my cooker without asking me, then he left and came back a hour later and asked "wheres my leftovers" which I had chucked out and he went "oh well the food cost me £5 and I had most of it left so you owe me £5)

    His girlfriend has never worked a day in her life, from a stereotypical benefit family where her own words were "theres no point working, I want a free house, 5 kids all paid for by benefits" !!!

    Near the end of our friendship I almost stopped speaking to him as I found out he was working cash in hand at local take away, signing on, and getting student grant so one day got about £1000 which was gone and he couldn't afford to give me a penny he said, then found out he was stealing from supermarkets food and drink, had tabs at local takeaways he never paid off, and borrowed £400 from a friend of his at college and stole a college laptop!

    I was going to report him but knew he would find out it was me but was still debating it and reporting him to benefit fraud when he asked me a favour to sell his old sky box (I do all the work, advert, take payment, give him cash) so I did it and got £20, and instead of paying him I decided to teach him a lesson and keep it as he owed me almost £50 to which got messages from his "girlfriend" talking about how evil and cruel I am as I live a life of luxury and they are in poverty (£25 bag a day of cannabis is somehow poverty now) and even though they hadn't paid a penny rent in 2 years, never paid gas and electric in 2 years (as they never registered with companies) so I responded back "Im worse off than you, I get £30 a week to live off to cover bills, travel, food whilst you spend £25 a day on drugs, maybe you would be able to have a better life if you stopped taking them"

    Never heard back from them until 6 months later when I am contacted and let the guy come round and after he leaves I find £40 missing from my wallet, missing phone and PS3 games.

    I check him out on facebook and hes boasting about getting another council house and how hes now a father!

    Somehow he got another council house with different authority just for getting a girl pregnant and I am disabled and on massive waiting list.

    Sorry point being this is background, I am a timid person with autism and heath problems and have been ripped off many times in past from things like identity fraud (I think he was involved in one of them) so people think I am a soft touch, I am very intelligent due to the autism I just get too stressed to stand up to people.

    I want to stand up to this person and message him saying I know where he lives in a way that doesn't sound violent so he can report me to police but with enough authority to make him know he can't get away with it and that it will have consequences.
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    Don't message him. When you message someone, be it by text, letter,whatever, they have a record of it for evidence that what you said you did indeed say. Do nothing. Put it down to bad experience and never have anything to do with him ever again. Don't even think about any sort of retaliation as it will only end up with YOU being the one getting into trouble not him. He's not worth ****ing up your future over. Move on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Threaten in more of the sense just message him saying hes got a trail online so I know where he lives (in a non threatening directly way) and maybe even starting with "are you still ripping people off" and asking for money back.

    Situation was that I made friends with him at college, things started going missing like loose change, then Xbox games started going missing (and he was only visitor I had) then he turned up pretty much every day for hours wanting favours like things downloaded and burned to disc which took around 2 hours of my day up and I would do something like if he was £1 short for bus fare loan it to him, and gave him my old 360 as he promised to pay me for it and months went by and in that time he could afforrd £25 bags of cannabis pretty much every day but told me he was too skint to give me even £1 back, then he came round at new years eve at 9am with his girlfriend and spent till 4pm at mine even using my cooker without asking me, then he left and came back a hour later and asked "wheres my leftovers" which I had chucked out and he went "oh well the food cost me £5 and I had most of it left so you owe me £5)

    His girlfriend has never worked a day in her life, from a stereotypical benefit family where her own words were "theres no point working, I want a free house, 5 kids all paid for by benefits" !!!

    Near the end of our friendship I almost stopped speaking to him as I found out he was working cash in hand at local take away, signing on, and getting student grant so one day got about £1000 which was gone and he couldn't afford to give me a penny he said, then found out he was stealing from supermarkets food and drink, had tabs at local takeaways he never paid off, and borrowed £400 from a friend of his at college and stole a college laptop!

    I was going to report him but knew he would find out it was me but was still debating it and reporting him to benefit fraud when he asked me a favour to sell his old sky box (I do all the work, advert, take payment, give him cash) so I did it and got £20, and instead of paying him I decided to teach him a lesson and keep it as he owed me almost £50 to which got messages from his "girlfriend" talking about how evil and cruel I am as I live a life of luxury and they are in poverty (£25 bag a day of cannabis is somehow poverty now) and even though they hadn't paid a penny rent in 2 years, never paid gas and electric in 2 years (as they never registered with companies) so I responded back "Im worse off than you, I get £30 a week to live off to cover bills, travel, food whilst you spend £25 a day on drugs, maybe you would be able to have a better life if you stopped taking them"

    Never heard back from them until 6 months later when I am contacted and let the guy come round and after he leaves I find £40 missing from my wallet, missing phone and PS3 games.

    I check him out on facebook and hes boasting about getting another council house and how hes now a father!

    Somehow he got another council house with different authority just for getting a girl pregnant and I am disabled and on massive waiting list.

    Sorry point being this is background, I am a timid person with autism and heath problems and have been ripped off many times in past from things like identity fraud (I think he was involved in one of them) so people think I am a soft touch, I am very intelligent due to the autism I just get too stressed to stand up to people.

    I want to stand up to this person and message him saying I know where he lives in a way that doesn't sound violent so he can report me to police but with enough authority to make him know he can't get away with it and that it will have consequences.
    I wish i'd just skipped to the end.

    You need to know in life when to pick your fights.

    This one is a bad idea.

    The person is toxic. Just stay away cut all contact and bever have anything to do with him. End of.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by markova21)
    Don't message him. When you message someone, be it by text, letter,whatever, they have a record of it for evidence that what you said you did indeed say. Do nothing. Put it down to bad experience and never have anything to do with him ever again. Don't even think about any sort of retaliation as it will only end up with YOU being the one getting into trouble not him. He's not worth ****ing up your future over. Move on.

    I am on benefits, that money he stole is a lot for me and he still seems to be scamming people.

    I won't attack him or anything and know that things can be made to look like hes a victim but it will be more just something authoriative that he can't shrug off like him knowing he can be traced, him knowing people are not going to back down and he can't get away with things, I even thought about something as simple as setting up a online page detailing his scams.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am on benefits, that money he stole is a lot for me and he still seems to be scamming people.

    I won't attack him or anything and know that things can be made to look like hes a victim but it will be more just something authoriative that he can't shrug off like him knowing he can be traced, him knowing people are not going to back down and he can't get away with things, I even thought about something as simple as setting up a online page detailing his scams.
    But unless you have actual concrete proof of these scams and can prove them he could contact a solicitor and you could be charged with slander. You have to be careful what you accuse someone of. To then publicly accuse someone online is very serious and could land you in a lot of trouble legally.
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    If you wanted to you could always take legal advice, but although I have no knowledge of the law I would imagine any solicitor would say to you that without proof you have nothing.
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    No. Leave him alone and let him live his life. If he is doing as you say then he will be caught out eventually.

    I've dated some right pieces of work, and despite the urge I have had to tell one's fiancé of the awful things he's gotten up to behind her back (for one, before we got together he was cheating on her with me!) I've restrained myself. I might not respect him but ruining his life and entangling myself in his drama is just nasty to him and a waste of time for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ............
    Focus your energies on making the best of your life. Ignore what other people are doing to screw up their lives, it's a waste of your time and energy.

    Also, have a review of what a 'friend' is, and what behaviour indicates friendship - you are giving this person a title they never deserved.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by markova21)
    But unless you have actual concrete proof of these scams and can prove them he could contact a solicitor and you could be charged with slander. You have to be careful what you accuse someone of. To then publicly accuse someone online is very serious and could land you in a lot of trouble legally.
    I know, I did have some evidence like when he opened accounts for local rental places and got things in my name all of them gave me a perfect description of him (hes underweight, a few missing teeth, thick glasses and wears certain clothing style), I have screenshots of him boasting about ripping off benefit system by working cash in hand, I have his texts still on phone etc.

    Not much to go on really.

    I was thinking of wording things in a not very agressive way but one that shows I know what I am talking about like saing I am uphappy he ripped me off, I have done my research online and he should know its very easy to track him/find out where he lives and I have people willing to make statements about him to take things further unless he gets in contact with me.

    So not threatening but stating I am going to take matters further.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So not threatening but stating I am going to take matters further.
    That is a threat. Unless you really are going to take it further, it's an empty threat which is just going to wind him up and potentially make your life much more unpleasant. As you say, you don't have much by way of concrete proof, so I can't see how you'd take it further - and he sounds conniving enough to have made sure of it.

    I think you need to leave him alone and put it down to experience. You're better off without him in any part of your life. As a previous poster said, it doesn't sound like he was ever a friend.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Klix88)
    That is a threat. Unless you really are going to take it further, it's an empty threat which is just going to wind him up and potentially make your life much more unpleasant. As you say, you don't have much by way of concrete proof, so I can't see how you'd take it further - and he sounds conniving enough to have made sure of it.

    I think you need to leave him alone and put it down to experience. You're better off without him in any part of your life. As a previous poster said, it doesn't sound like he was ever a friend.
    Oh I will take it further if I have enough proof, and im not afraid of him personally as hes a scrawny underweight guy and I am a guy with a rugby built who has unintentionally intimiated people before due to stature.

    It was more even if it was a empty threat to make him know to not cross me again and if we do meet he won't think hes done me over.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh I will take it further if I have enough proof
    But you don't. You've said so.
    *
    and im not afraid of him personally as hes a scrawny underweight guy and I am a guy with a rugby built who has unintentionally intimiated people before due to stature.
    If he's the arch manipulator you describe, there's a bigger threat than a physical one.

    It was more even if it was a empty threat
    So are you going to do anything or are you not? One minute you're definitely going to do something, the next it's just an empty threat.
    *
    to make him know to not cross me again and if we do meet he won't think hes done me over.
    He *has* done you over though. This whole situation is based on the fact that he's done you over very comprehensively and you want revenge, retaliation... whatever. He isn't planning to cross you again - you're off his radar (which is the best place to be). Why would you meet again? Stay out of his way and out of his life. None of this is necessary.

    You asked the question "Shall I...?" Everyone thus far has advised you not to. But if you've already made up your mind, why did you bother asking here? It's a bad idea, for your own peace of mind and potentially safety. But if you're going to do something regardless of what anyone here says, then just do it. This discussion is a bit pointless. What were you hoping to gain from it?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Klix88)
    But you don't. You've said so.
    *

    If he's the arch manipulator you describe, there's a bigger threat than a physical one.


    So are you going to do anything or are you not? One minute you're definitely going to do something, the next it's just an empty threat.
    *

    He *has* done you over though. This whole situation is based on the fact that he's done you over very comprehensively and you want revenge, retaliation... whatever. He isn't planning to cross you again - you're off his radar (which is the best place to be). Why would you meet again? Stay out of his way and out of his life. None of this is necessary.

    You asked the question "Shall I...?" Everyone thus far has advised you not to. But if you've already made up your mind, why did you bother asking here? It's a bad idea, for your own peace of mind and potentially safety. But if you're going to do something regardless of what anyone here says, then just do it. This discussion is a bit pointless. What were you hoping to gain from it?
    Not that I have to explain it much but whilst I am unsure of what to do at same time there hasn't been a outright perfect reason not to, and I want to but know the potential problems.

    This guy is not some major crook, hes done a lot of stupid things and thinks hes better than he is very blatant in his crimes thinking he can't be touched.

    His own parents disowned him for being a user and hes banned from many shops in town for being caught for theft, he was so stupid I at one point thought he went quiet as he was maybe dead as the last time I spoke to him before the gap was he told me he was contacting loan sharks for a lend of money, and people I know who fell out with him who really are "connected" tell me a lot of people are after him maybe it would be better to get them involved.

    Hes so stupid at one point (not sure about now) he was saying on his Facebook page about the (cash in hand) shift work he was doing and how benefits would never find out.

    Theres no fear of retalliation from this guy really.

    I was not stupid even at the time I just gave him a chance, part to see if he would slip up and part as he was good company.

    I even know when a friend had some cannabis of his own (a good friend) he stole some of it from him and my friend let it slide, and when another friend came to visit who had a car but had a few drinks he pestered him till he got a lift

    He is what you would call a chancer.

    I probably won't do anything but if theres something even small to make him realise I won't forget it.
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    focus on making sure this doesn't happy again, work on your assertiveness... you should never have been agreeing for this person to visit your house if you suspected they were stealing from you, never have done them favours etc - so try and make sure not to repeat the same mistakes

    at the end of the day you're not going to gain back anything he's stolen from you so there's no point dragging it back up, you're also not going to make him think twice about doing it again - he clearly doesn't care... just cut contact and move on
 
 
 
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