In my whole life I have never been truly happy or felt content.
My childhood wasn't great, my parents were at work everyday so I barely spent any quality time with them. Even when there was a day or two when they didn't work my day still wasn't great, my dad would never take us out anywhere and my mum would always try to cause arguments about nothing. I remember all those times when I "didn't behave" or "didn't do well in school" my mum would hit me and shout at me (typical Asian parents)
Fast forward to today. I'm am now 17 and a half. Nothing much has changed but recently my mum has been so much worst. As I'm hoping to start uni next September my mum hasn't stopped talking about it. Every single day she would say stuff like "how are you going to wash your clothes?" Or "you'll be too lazy to cook" or "you can't even tidy your own room, the uni will kick you out if you are staying in their accommodation". She always looks down on me and thinks I'm a failure in life.
Just today she said "you're so irresponsible. Your uni open day is coming up and you haven't even sorted anything out". She was wrong. So wrong. I've been thinking and stressing/worrying about it every single day for the past 2 weeks. I've printed out my ticket and have even decided what I want to see. The only reason I don't talk about it to her is because I know my mum will say more stuff to put me down and make me stress. (All my friends will know I over stress and over think too much about everything.)
It's the last 2-3 years that I realized I might have depression and anxiety though I never dare to tell my mum that or even see a GP. Because of my family life I have never been happy. I feel down, hopeless and negative all the time. Sure there where times when I do smile for a few seconds but that's not real happiness. Whenever my mum is around I don't talk much, I just try to avoid her and her ways. This is why I never invite my friends round my house. I'm tired of her mental and emotional abuse towards me. My mum is too much to handle and I don't know what to do anymore.
Should I still go?