What do you think about my friends essay?

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?Hannah
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Hey, my friend is worried that her work is too convoluted and thinks that is a bad thing at GCSE. She was too scared to post her own work, so I have posted it for her. Be as honest as you want as she wants to know the truth about it. How is Boo Radley presented in Part One of To Kill A Mockingbird?’

In Part One, Boo Radley is presented to represent themes that prove to be integral to the progression and development of To Kill A Mockingbird. He serves as a symbol of goodness shielded by an initial veil of fear, a source of education and lies at victim to the prejudiced ways of Maycomb. However, the reader understands that the intolerance faced by Boo Radley in Part One foreshadows the greater societal racism experienced by Tom Robinson in the trial of Part Two. This allows for Harper Lee to juxtapose Boo Radley and Tom Robinson to emphasise their symbolism as mockingbirds. This symbolism of a mockingbird demonstrates innocence and how justice and compassion can bypass the boundary of human colour and intolerance, as shown by Scout’s concluding benevolence towards both characters. Additionally, Lee’s comparison of the two characters and both sections of the novel allows for the story to progress from the childlike innocence of the nature and themes presented by Boo. Hence, this drives forward the darker sphere of deeper set racial and societal discrimination in Maycomb, which Tom is subject to - a microcosm for the whole of the Deep South of America.

As a result of being subject to prejudiced rumours and misconception, Boo Radley is initially presented as a symbol of fear in Part One of To Kill A Mockingbird. Due to the community’s warped belief about Boo as an individual, it is clear that he is victimised by a town tainted by a ‘disease’ of hypocrisy and intolerance, derived from paranoia and fear of change. The noun, ‘disease’ emphasises the severity and isolating impact of Boo’s discrimination. However, this ‘disease’ seems to not have plagued the characters who are perceived to be trustworthy and hold great morale, such as Atticus. These types of characters would not dare to pass judgement or comment on the Radley situation, as they would consider their view to be unjust, being that the whole situation may not be known. Meaning that, in consequence, Miss Stephanie Crawford gossips with Jem and informs him about Boo Radley’s supposed mental instability and how he had driven ‘scissors into his parent’s leg.’ Explicitly, the brutality of these rumours allow for Boo Radley to be perceived as a monster who should be feared, however, implicitly, the violent tone signals their absurdity and lack of truth. Furthermore, it implies that Miss Stephanie fears Boo herself, as she feels the humanistic need to gossip and exaggerate, unable to give the Radley family privacy. As Boo Radley is victim to this misconception, it allows for Miss Stephanie to be considered as the ‘neighbourhood scold.’ Additionally resulting in Stephanie Crawford becoming the prejudiced gauge by which we measure other characters throughout the novel. Thus, this reflects how and why the children and other citizens appear to hold some reservations by perhaps being fearful and intolerant of Boo. Furthermore, these reservations may exist as Boo Radley appears to be presented as an example of the unknown, with the unknown being feared by the people of Maycomb. This is further implied by the citizens of Maycomb ignorantly describing Boo Radley as a ‘malevolent phantom’ and a ‘ghoul.’ With the phrases providing connotations of a feared ghost, it is eerily implied how Boo Radley is never seen, but, is undoubtedly alive. Perhaps this suggests Boo’s reluctance to be a part of Maycomb, possibly disagreeing with the segregated, judgemental and insular ways of Alabama in 1930. Boo may have decided that being considered a symbol of fear and an outsider was a better fate than feeling forced to adopt the ways of Maycomb, in order to be free of prejudice and part of the community.
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Nuggetsarelife
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Too many big words, dont even know whats happening and im in year 13
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?Hannah
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(Original post by Nuggetsarelife)
Too many big words, dont even know whats happening and im in year 13
what do you suggest that she does?
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Nuggetsarelife
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(Original post by ?Hannah)
what do you suggest that she does?
Stop using big words and actually portray a point across
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dom117117
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Yeah she needs the examiner to understand her point. As at the start her meaning is confused as she throws in big words trying to impress. Keep it simple to create a clear argument. Not bad for gcse though has the potential to be A* keep at it😄
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?Hannah
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(Original post by dom117117)
Yeah she needs the examiner to understand her point. As at the start her meaning is confused as she throws in big words trying to impress. Keep it simple to create a clear argument. Not bad for gcse though has the potential to be A* keep at it😄
hello, I will let her know, thank-you. however, can you give an example of where her meaning is confused at the start?
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Nuggetsarelife
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(Original post by ?Hannah)
hello, I will let her know, thank-you. however, can you give an example of where her meaning is confused at the start?
Its sounded like shes about to drop the hottest diss track of 2016 "presented to represent"
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?Hannah
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(Original post by dom117117)
Yeah she needs the examiner to understand her point. As at the start her meaning is confused as she throws in big words trying to impress. Keep it simple to create a clear argument. Not bad for gcse though has the potential to be A* keep at it😄
as she is slightly confused about where the meaning needs to be clearer.
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dom117117
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(Original post by ?Hannah)
hello, I will let her know, thank-you. however, can you give an example of where her meaning is confused at the start?
Sure, she's including a lot of themes at once in the introduction which makes it convoluted especially when big words are involved. She could start with how Boo Radley effects the children and that even tho he is portrayed as a monster in fact the citizens of Maycomb are etc. Then she could mention Boo Radley in the big picture being an outcast due to not conforming that he shows how innocence is not allowed to survive in Maycomb etc. Her last few ending sentences were very good as they were perceptive and clear. Easy for the examiner to give high marks then, make the rest more like that and it's full marks.
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?Hannah
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(Original post by dom117117)
Sure, she's including a lot of themes at once in the introduction which makes it convoluted especially when big words are involved. She could start with how Boo Radley effects the children and that even tho he is portrayed as a monster in fact the citizens of Maycomb are etc. Then she could mention Boo Radley in the big picture being an outcast due to not conforming that he shows how innocence is not allowed to survive in Maycomb etc. Her last few ending sentences were very good as they were perceptive and clear. Easy for the examiner to give high marks then, make the rest more like that and it's full marks.
thank-you, so she honestly just needs to change the beginning of the introduction and then she's set?
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?Hannah
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(Original post by Nuggetsarelife)
Its sounded like shes about to drop the hottest diss track of 2016 "presented to represent"
what grade did you get in GCSE English literature?
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?Hannah
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(Original post by dom117117)
Sure, she's including a lot of themes at once in the introduction which makes it convoluted especially when big words are involved. She could start with how Boo Radley effects the children and that even tho he is portrayed as a monster in fact the citizens of Maycomb are etc. Then she could mention Boo Radley in the big picture being an outcast due to not conforming that he shows how innocence is not allowed to survive in Maycomb etc. Her last few ending sentences were very good as they were perceptive and clear. Easy for the examiner to give high marks then, make the rest more like that and it's full marks.
also, may I just check that it was only the opening lines of the introduction that need to be reworked?
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?Hannah
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(Original post by dom117117)
Sure, she's including a lot of themes at once in the introduction which makes it convoluted especially when big words are involved. She could start with how Boo Radley effects the children and that even tho he is portrayed as a monster in fact the citizens of Maycomb are etc. Then she could mention Boo Radley in the big picture being an outcast due to not conforming that he shows how innocence is not allowed to survive in Maycomb etc. Her last few ending sentences were very good as they were perceptive and clear. Easy for the examiner to give high marks then, make the rest more like that and it's full marks.
this is a big ask, but could you put in bold the sections that need to be clearer? she would really appreciate that, thanks.
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Asolare
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Maybe I just have a really extensive vocabulary (doubtful lmfao) but what 'big words' are you all referring to? I agree some of it is worded so badly 'presented to represent' sounds odd... but I can't see any extremely OTT words?
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dom117117
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(Original post by ?Hannah)
also, may I just check that it was only the opening lines of the introduction that need to be reworked?
Yeah still keep it generalised as it's the intro. Maybe word it simplier, like how she concluded the essay it was easy to understand so it was effective.
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username1884577
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(Original post by Inexorably)
Maybe I just have a really extensive vocabulary (doubtful lmfao) but what 'big words' are you all referring to? I agree some of it is worded so badly 'presented to represent' sounds odd... but I can't see any extremely OTT words?
I agree...
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Bang Outta Order
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I think you ..I mean your friend...

needs to work on indentation and transitions between paragraphs...before I can read the rest...
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Anna.Karenina
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I think it's fine - I wrote like that for GCSE and got an A*
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AmeliaBaldwin
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'In Part One, Boo Radley is presented to represent themes that prove to be integral to the progression and development of To Kill A Mockingbird. He serves as a symbol of goodness shielded by an initial veil of fear, a source of education and lies at victim to the prejudiced ways of Maycomb.'

'presented to represent'
This phrase seems a little clumsy, perhaps 'used' would be better.

'goodness'
A synonym for this is 'altruism'.

'an initial veil of fear'
I would specify here that this is the fear residents of Maycomb have for him, or describe it as an initial veil of prejudice or preconception.

'a source of education'
A source of education to who?

I might go through this in some depth, I do like the structure of it, it's just lots of little things
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AmeliaBaldwin
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However, the reader understands that the intolerance faced by Boo Radley in Part One foreshadows the greater societal racism experienced by Tom Robinson in the trial of Part Two. This allows for Harper Lee to juxtapose Boo Radley and Tom Robinson to emphasise their symbolism as mockingbirds. This symbolism of a mockingbird demonstrates innocence and how justice and compassion can bypass the boundary of human colour and intolerance, as shown by Scout’s concluding benevolence towards both characters.

'for'
This can be cut out completely.

'to'
Two 'to's in the same sentence, try using 'in order to' for the second one.

'This symbolism of a mockingbird demonstrates'
This could be cut down to 'demonstrating' e.g. '...symbolism as mockingbirds, demonstrating their innocence...'

'human colour'
Perhaps racism would be more concise to emphasise your previous point that Robinson is a victim of it.
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