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To those who are/have been depressed watch

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    I thought I would make this thread so hopefully I could get through to some of you who claim to be depressed, on the verge of a breakdown, etc. There have been numerous threads from people about this and I want to share my own experiences of how I dealt with it, and maybe help some of you realise that you have a life to live.

    Basically, ever since I started university last year I found it difficult to sleep at night, leading to insomnia for which I took lots of Nytol. Made me feel nice but it didn't help me sleep. I ended up missing loads of morning lectures so I skipped whole days and towards the end of the year, whole weeks. At the time I was having difficulties with my boyfriend and I was stuck in a part time job that made me tired, upset and angry. As I was working week nights I slept through the day, missing uni and went to work at night while everyone else was out having a good time. When I got home late at night no-one was there and I felt so lonely and upset. This coupled with my boyfriend living so far away was too much to handle. I cried most nights and it was only when my tutor noticed my sad face in the lab that she recommended I go to councelling. I went for three sessions, but I kept most things to myself. I didn't talk about my boyfriend since I was embarrassed to admit he was much older than me. I also did not talk about missing out on uni lectures because I felt ashamed. Therefore councelling was a waste of time. I felt like I was alone and no-one could help. Then I went on anti-depressants. As they started to kick in two weeks later, I began to get aggressive and after an argument with my boyfriend one night I had a fit, rolling on the floor. All I remember was writhing around on the floor, shouting "my life is crap, help me for gods sake" while crying and screaming in fear of going back to a life of loneliness and sadness. It happened again the same week but I couldn't remember it since I had drank lots and lots of alcohol. I felt bad about myself and the worst thing was realising what I was putting myself and my boyfriend through. I love him so much and all he has done is look out for me. Thats when I decided I was going to change.

    When I got home from seeing my boyfriend, I reflected over the week. Suddenly something in me snapped and I felt that enough was enough, I was not going to be "depressed" anymore. That was when I chucked the anti-depressants into the bin and sent a long email to my boyfriend saying how sorry I was for being aggresive and how much I appreciated him trying to help me. It felt good to be able to let it out. Since then we've been stronger than ever. Also since then, I have made changes to my life. I am not scared of anything, and when something gets me down I fight it off. When people are rude or criticise me, I give as good as I get and take it all on the chin. No-one can ever get me down because I won't let them. I have no idea where this sudden confidence came from, it just happened when I realised I wasn't gonna take any crap anymore. I was going to be happy, and to hell with anyone who didn't like it. Two weeks ago I decided to bite the bullet and move university so I could study my ideal subject, Bioveterinary Science. When I got the offer through clearing I was jumping for joy, and that night handed in my notice. I can't begin to explain the feeling of relief. I knew it was meant to be. I'm heading for a new life, new start and I feel confident and happy. So what gets me down? Nothing. When things go wrong yes, I get angry and agitated, but not depressed.

    I suppose the message I am trying to get across is that yes, life is tough. It's full of ups and downs. Bad stuff happens, usually to the good people. But why let life get in the way? If you're unhappy, theres only one way its going to change. You have to make the change. No-ones going to come and wave a magic wand. Have no regrets, don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Don't be a loser. There may be some of you that are saying now "But I'm clinally depressed! I've been to a psychiatrist!" well let me tell you something, as long as you can still post on this forum, you still have a mind of your own. Your mind, heart and soul do not belong to the NHS. You are not going to be another statistic. You are not going to miss out anymore. Go out and make a life for yourself, do whatever YOU want to do and be happy, but whatever you do don't start feeling sorry for yourself. Once you do that, you're giving up. Then what hope do you have? Anti-depressants are not the answer. The real answer is finding out that you are an individual with a future, with ambitions and you don't need other people to tell you that. Go out and get it
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    Exactly my thoughts - I had a fairly bad time of it too (not to go into details) but I kicked all my bad habits after seven years of depression - it was bloody hard! - but now I'm at uni, with a wonderful boyfriend and I'm no longer slave to any addictions. It feels brilliant!

    I'm joining Shockley here - I've been about as bad as you can get, and I'm absolutely fine now. Recovery is not only possible, but it's possible by yourself - I hauled myself out of my rut without help from a counsellor or medication. I'm damn proud to say I did it alone (admittedly because all my so-called friends abandoned me, but whatever). Self-pity gets you nowhere - I spent years feeling sorry for myself and only got worse, but less than a year of positive thinking and my life's all I could ask for.

    This is a nice, positive thread!
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    Thank you Great post. I'm really glad that you came through in the end.
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    Thank you also. I am glad you came through it :hugs:
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    life is tough. It's full of ups and downs
    god I love it when people tell me this :rolleyes:

    Anyway it's good to see you're ok now.
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    Excellent post OP!!

    I don't know very many people who were made better by meds and going to see a shrink. I do however know people who have dealt with acute depression, and even bi-polarism and more serious conditions by pure determination and willpower.

    To everyone who is depressed:

    Wallowing, moaning, crying and moping doesn't make you better. Life is what life is. It is not fair and it does not give a crap if you jump off a bridge tomorrow. It will not take pity on you, and it will not give you an easy ride. The only person, the only thing that can keep you together is yourself. Meds are just like a straitjacket. They won't cure you, they just hide what is going on. A shrink can talk for hours and hours, but you have to be the one that makes the difference.

    I was depressed, once-upon-a-time. I was suicidal. I had fits. I couldn't sleep. I had horrific nightmares. I had hullucinations. I could barely bring myself to function. I would cry constantly. I self-harmed. If anyone said to me "get a grip", I would rile at them and tell them they didn't know what it was like, they didn't know what I was feeling. I had a terrible, bullying boyfriend, and a bad time at school. I didn't feel close enough to any of my friends to let them help me, and I pushed my parents away. When my boyfriend and I broke up, I went on a sexual binge, and did some very reckless things in my attempt to be "free". I started smoking (a big deal for me!) and got stupidly drunk on a number of occasions. I ended up in a relationship with a 44 year old man, with a ****-buddy on the side and also sleeping with my ex. I felt worthless. Then I decided that enough was enough. I felt sick with shame at what I had done, and what I had become. I did what I had been refusing to do for around four years, and I GOT A GRIP.

    I still have the occasional lapse, and still self-harm if I get too hysterical, but episodes are few and far between. I feel confident, healthy, and strong.

    It is horrificly difficult to break the cycle. It is so easy to say "I'm depressed. Really depressed. Look at my meds! How can I be expected to get a grip on this myself?" but trust me, in many, many cases, you are the only one who can make a difference.
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    Good post OP. I'm glad you're now feeling better.

    It is true that you have to want to get better. It is difficult when you're stuck in a rut, but after 9 long hard months I have realised that it is my friends who are the most helpful. I've tried various methods of getting help (including 4 months of just trying to get better without help) but nothing has even come close to my friends in how useful it was. I feel incredibly weak to ask for help, so only consider it as a last resort. I hate being a burden and still genuinely believe that the world will be a much better place without me. I've believed that since I was 11 (was bullied at school).

    But at the beginning of all this, I didn't even consider asking for help. I needed to get over my problems in my own way and not be judged by others. The first thing I did was to apply for a transfer, thinking that the source of the problem was that I hated my course at uni. In amongst all the uncertainty I faced at the time, I turned to alcohol. It worked for a couple of days but I soon went into a downward spiral. By the end of the week I was in hospital. Once I had recovered, I knew I had to sort out the underlying problems. I was determined to get the transfer. Over Christmas, I actually felt better for a while but once I was back at uni I was back on the downward spiral. My transfer was rejected so I dropped out. Looking back, it sounds stupid and I am incredibly ashamed at how weak I was/still am, but I really thought my life was over. I have never felt worse and I knew that I needed some outside help.

    Things seemed to improve but I had told a couple of really close friends. At first I was too ashamed to say anything. When I told my best friend, we were talking for about three hours before I admitted that I had a problem. I really am eternally grateful for everything he has done for me. He's the biggest reason I'm still alive.

    When I went to my GP, I really didn't know what to say. I wasn't in any way emo. I thought the worst I could have was a bit of anxiety. Though I had not mentioned most of what I felt like. I've never told anyone everything. I'd prefer for others to think I was ok. It was all because I hated being a burden.

    More recently, I have realised that if I can't help people in a similar situation then everything I had been through was for nothing. Contrary to popular belief on TSR, I am still incredibly ashamed of how I feel. I don't like the idea of people in real life knowing that anything is wrong, so if I need to rant this is where I come. I also use my story to help others. I no longer care whether it brings me down, I'm used to it by now, but if someone else benefits then it was more than worth it. I'm not 'wallowing' or 'being an emo' or any of that. I am just one of those that doesn't have the strength to get through anything. But all those who do, I really admire you. I really wish I had the coping mechanisms to get through all my problems alone.

    But, OP, your story is an inspiration to us all.
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    Thank you for such an uplifting post, especially the last paragraph, and to all the other posts.

    It's so inspiring to see how you've battled with depression and have come through the other side.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is so easy to say "I'm depressed. Really depressed. Look at my meds! How can I be expected to get a grip on this myself?" but trust me, in many, many cases, you are the only one who can make a difference.
    I have to say, although I think the sentiment of the OPs post is an excellent one and a lot of it is about positive thinking as I know from personal experience, that's terribly unfair on people who do use antidepressants. I'm on them myself and know a few other who are/have been - I certainly don't know anyone who uses them as an excuse in that way.

    If you can do it without then that really is brilliant, it's very admirable and strong, but it's not fair to imply that those who need that extra push aren't facing up to their problems which I think a couple of these posts (not just yours) do. At the end of the day, you either beat your depression or you don't. How you get to that point is largely inconsequential.
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    I completely agree, well done to all those who have recovered from Depression using only their determination and strong willpower but at the end of the day those who do use anti-depressants should not be made to feel like they're weak for doing so. I also believe a lot people simply label themselves depressed after going through a rough time and really have no idea horrible and despairing Depression really is. At the minute it seems like being "depressed" fits in with the current "emo" trend for teens. I really dont think that Depression should be a fashion acessory or brandied about like a badge of honour.
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    (Original post by misslibby)
    I have to say, although I think the sentiment of the OPs post is an excellent one and a lot of it is about positive thinking as I know from personal experience, that's terribly unfair on people who do use antidepressants. I'm on them myself and know a few other who are/have been - I certainly don't know anyone who uses them as an excuse in that way.

    If you can do it without then that really is brilliant, it's very admirable and strong, but it's not fair to imply that those who need that extra push aren't facing up to their problems which I think a couple of these posts (not just yours) do. At the end of the day, you either beat your depression or you don't. How you get to that point is largely inconsequential.
    I was about to write exactly the same thing, i´ll rep you for this later.

    I was diagnosed when i was 16 (i´m 22 now) and i went through hell. I was in hospital various times, and tried to kill myself more than once.

    I am fortunate to be on the other side now, and i´m now halfway through training to be a doctor which was always my dream (ok no more sickly stuff). However i couldn´t have done it without counselling and medication at the time and i resent the fact that this is seen as a weakness. I worked bloody hard to get better and i won´t have people taking it away from me just because i accepted help.
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    (Original post by misslibby)
    I have to say, although I think the sentiment of the OPs post is an excellent one and a lot of it is about positive thinking as I know from personal experience, that's terribly unfair on people who do use antidepressants. I'm on them myself and know a few other who are/have been - I certainly don't know anyone who uses them as an excuse in that way.



    If you can do it without then that really is brilliant, it's very admirable and strong, but it's not fair to imply that those who need that extra push aren't facing up to their problems which I think a couple of these posts (not just yours) do. At the end of the day, you either beat your depression or you don't. How you get to that point is largely inconsequential.


    Sorry for any offense caused!



    I did not mean to imply that everyone who takes meds is copping out. But I know that the fact that a doctor has prescribed meds can be seen as an indication that help is essential and thus the person involved can safely rely on that help alone to get better. I have seen so many people say "I am too depressed to get better on my own", and I have seen many people decide that they don't have to take any personal responsibility for the healing process. Of course, getting better is the most important thing, and as long as someone does get better, no-one should judge how they get there. But I just hate it when I see people suggesting that a) I can't have had it that bad because I got better without meds and b) that they can't possibly get better without being on meds. Some people do (conciously or otherwise) use medical intervention as an excuse to say "there you go, I'm really screwed up, so don't you dare have any expectations of me".



    I have seen meds heal people (my friend's mother is a perfect example! She was a bi-polar, drug abuser who heard voices and was eventualy sectioned). I have also seen meds destroy people (my grand-mother is a perfect example. Meds exacerbated her addictive personality, anorexia and insomnia, and good as killed her). I just want people to know that they don't have to rely on doctors to heal them, and that meds are not necessarily the answer. I also believe that the quality of life after a self-healing is much better, as you don't have to stay on meds to stay sane.



    And if you are on meds, you are not a failure! As long as you never give up, and keep fighting, you are not a failure. It doesn't matter what help you need, as long as you are still yourself and still willing to take responsibility.
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    i don't actually find talking to ther past or current sufferers that helpful.

    i could'nt give a **** what people say about me taking meds, i could'nt even imagine life without them atm and i everyone around me sayds stuff like "oh your a bit young to be on meds" or "oh its bad that innit,you don't want to get addicted blah blah blah" but franbkly mr shankly where are you when i need you? , when are you that shoulder to cry on?, when i'm lonely where are you? when i'm really low are you going to go out of your way to try and make things more endurable? no so **** off giving me this uneeded imput.

    i was suffereing from extreme anxiety problems, vivd nightmres, could'nt eat , could talk becuse my breathing and nausia made it so difficult, i was sick in the mornings and would be generally exhausted the whole time, i became majorly withdrawn and a shadow of my former self. panic attacks would occure daily and i became much more self obsessed in the fact i was struggling to care about my own life let alone anyone else's.

    i'ma month in to my meds and i am tempted to ask them to up my dose as i have self harmed recently twice and when i drink i become very irrational angry and feel the need to hurt my self or soem one else(this is if i'm drunk by myself). i am quite happy to cut booze out of my life for the mean time, its hardly a sacrifice.

    i just think the whole thing is people around us in our own personal lives are our world and these popel in my case just seem to be a let down and are'nt there for me.

    the best way to put it is "your actions speak louder than words".
    people tellin me when i say i'm extremely lonely and have no one to hang around with simply will brush it aside by saying "you'll majke new friends" or "you have got friends , don't be silly".but they don't involve you in there lives. they offere empty words of comfort with no substance .

    i found at my worst point yet i almost became like a child "the lost boy" as mum puts it, where i can't face everyday things atll and are extremely reliant on other people and where at times i truly believe just being held would make things better for that moment in time.


    i take meds for my own sake ,the world only exist to me because i'm alive once i'm dead the world will carry on but i will not be there i will be physically and emotionally dead, so **** the world you got to live life for yourself no ones else feels your pain and struggles os who are they to even begin to think they can understand and even more so pass judgement.

    well thats my input over.
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    ^^^^^^^ you made some good pooints there indeed i been waithing 4 weeks for mt counseling or assesment whatever its called and i ain't holdin my breath. the women i was speaking to last night has been on the waithing list for 12 months.
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    I agree with you junglemonkey. The NHS have completely screwed me up because they believe that my meds alone are enough to cure me. I'm not being monitored at all and my doctor doesn't seem to care.
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    I wouldent go as far as saying i was depressed, but i was 'down' quite a lot of the last academic year, for a variety of issues.

    This summer i have joined a gym, and I would say it is a great thing for improving your mood. I was completely against excercise before, but finally had to join a gym due to putting on weight (which in turn would make me feel bad about myself)

    being on a treadmill and the other machines for 10mins+ at a time really does help, not just in a physical way..but also in a mental way, as you get to just think your own thoughts for a little while.

    obviously this will not be a magic solution to everyone, but it is better than the sitting up at 2am posting depressive messages on TSR thing i'm sure every member of this forum has done at some point! its easy to get into a cycle of sitting up late moaning and dwelling on things, then in turn feeling tired (and missing uni commitments) and miserable the day after too.
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    You know what at the end of last yr i was diagnosed with an illness and i thought my life was completely over because i was completely out of control in lots of sences. Got diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety and the rest of it - which made me feel worse was given antidepressants and spent most of my days completely out of it - i wouldnt leave the house or go to uni or even speak to anyone unless i really had to - i put on loads of weight and did loads of stupid stuff aswell - which even to this day i really cant admit to doing.

    Then i went and saw my gp at home as opposed to the one at uni who i usually see. She prescribed me more antidepressants - then one day i just turned round to her and told her that i didnt need them and i wasnt going to take them she agreed and told me to put them in the bin!! I took a year out from uni - got a job that i completely luved met some amazing people and hopefully i should be returning to uni next year - fingers crossed my medical concession is all that they need. Hopefully my other illness has some kind of regulation to it and is basically nearly under control!! Dont get me wrong im terrified ive lost my car cause of my illness - i wont know anyone again but ive got a place in a house with the people i lived with last year - not completely ideal but its a step in the right direction.

    Ive also not posted as anonymous which i have before because impast everything now and u know what with a little self determination it can be done!!
 
 
 
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