Was i raped?

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    Last night I went on a date with a guy, he asked me to come home with him, where we wer going to just chill, we wer talking for awhile and had been friends.

    As soon as we got back, he started kissing me, touching me, ect. He proceeded to do as he pleased, dispite pulling and pushing his arm away, when i said I didn't want to do anything he said "yes u do" and just continued anyway, he was strangling me at some point and kept pushing me down, he forced sex on me, although i said I wasn't sure about it, I wasn't as vocal as I should of been. He undressed me when I didn't consent, but after awhile, i gave up trying to push him off, i was in a pain, he still didn't stop, I kept saying i wanted to stop, but he didn't listen to me. Was this my fault? I didn't scream, I didn't try and hit him, I just don't understand how i let this happen, i have unwanted painful bruises on my neck and other body parts.


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    (Original post by HelenTheCupcake)
    Last night I went on a date with a guy, he asked me to come home with him, where we wer going to just chill, we wer talking for awhile and had been friends.

    As soon as we got back, he started kissing me, touching me, ect. He proceeded to do as he pleased, dispite pulling and pushing his arm away, when i said I didn't want to do anything he said "yes u do" and just continued anyway, he was strangling me at some point and kept pushing me down, he forced sex on me, although i said I wasn't sure about it, I wasn't as vocal as I should of been. He undressed me when I didn't consent, but after awhile, i gave up trying to push him off, i was in a pain, he still didn't stop, I kept saying i wanted to stop, but he didn't listen to me. Was this my fault? I didn't scream, I didn't try and hit him, I just don't understand how i let this happen, i have unwanted painful bruises on my neck and other body parts.


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    I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You did not need to scream or push him off or anything like that. He should not have done what he did. That could certinally be called rape and I would suggest you tell somebody if you feel up to it. You can report it to the police, tell a doctor or even just a teacher at school/ uni. Rape is a lack of concent not continuing after being hit or told "no" in some magic way. You did not agree, he knew you didn't and that's all there is to it. Please do not blame yourself. Nobody should ever be in a position like that and that includes you.

    Weather you decide to report it or not I would also suggest you seek out some sort of emotional support. Counselling or therapy may be a good idea and you can also confide in afriend, family member or anybody else you trust. You have been through a lot already and you shouldn't have to cope with it by yourself.
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    It most definitely not your fault. I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience. He ignored you when you both pushed him away and vocally expressed your discomfort - that is definitely ignoring the fact that you didn't give your consent.

    (Also: a lot of people in these situations zone out from fear or dissociate during being assaulted, rather than shout or scream)
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    Yes you were raped :sadnod: now get off TSR and call the police and get your revenge :mwuaha:
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    Well, it's rape. Alas the problem with rape charges is that they always turn into "he said, she said" things.

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    He had no reasonable reason to believe in your consent - going 'yes you do' and waiting for you to stop struggling does not count - so, yes, this was rape. It's his responsibility he raped you, not yours.

    If you're going to report it, the sooner you do so, the better.

    If you need support, then look for a local rape crisis service.
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    (Original post by Andy98)
    Well, it's rape. Alas the problem with rape charges is that they always turn into "he said, she said" things.

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    Fortunately, painful bruises should at least help OP in her case if she decided to pursue it, which she should imo.

    And tbh, while often true, that kind of discouraging sentiment is probably not all that helpful.
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    (Original post by Viva Emptiness)
    Fortunately, painful bruises should at least help OP in her case if she decided to pursue it, which she should imo.

    And tbh, while often true, that kind of discouraging sentiment is probably not all that helpful.
    Well yeah, but they don't linger very long and courts take ages

    I just don't really see how something as intimate as rape can really be policed; I mean prosecution occasionally hunky dory but most of the time the evidence of the lack of consent is circumstantial which means it depends almost entirely on the jury.:dontknow:

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    (Original post by HelenTheCupcake)
    Last night I went on a date with a guy, he asked me to come home with him, where we wer going to just chill, we wer talking for awhile and had been friends.

    As soon as we got back, he started kissing me, touching me, ect. He proceeded to do as he pleased, dispite pulling and pushing his arm away, when i said I didn't want to do anything he said "yes u do" and just continued anyway, he was strangling me at some point and kept pushing me down, he forced sex on me, although i said I wasn't sure about it, I wasn't as vocal as I should of been. He undressed me when I didn't consent, but after awhile, i gave up trying to push him off, i was in a pain, he still didn't stop, I kept saying i wanted to stop, but he didn't listen to me. Was this my fault? I didn't scream, I didn't try and hit him, I just don't understand how i let this happen, i have unwanted painful bruises on my neck and other body parts.


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    The post per se is indicative of a criminal offense having occurred. However, these types of actions have been going on for hundreds of years and few are pursued in the Courts due to a variety of reasons. To pursue them is to relive them and this could become counter-productive. The issue of rape is extremely difficult for all concerned to deal with.
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    (Original post by Andy98)
    Well yeah, but they don't linger very long and courts take ages

    I just don't really see how something as intimate as rape can really be policed; I mean prosecution occasionally hunky dory but most of the time the evidence of the lack of consent is circumstantial which means it depends almost entirely on the jury.:dontknow:

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    The bruises don't have to last until the trial...?! They just have to take photos of them.

    (Original post by misterbee73)
    The post per se is indicative of a criminal offense having occurred. However, these types of actions have been going on for hundreds of years and few are pursued in the Courts due to a variety of reasons. To pursue them is to relive them and this could become counter-productive. The issue of rape is extremely difficult for all concerned to deal with.
    So are you both really telling OP, a victim of rape, to not bother going to the police?
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    Yes, I suspect they are.

    Rape culture, what's that then?
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    Yes, I suspect they are.

    Rape culture, what's that then?
    I am blind with rage that this is people's attitudes.
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    (Original post by misterbee73)
    The post per se is indicative of a criminal offense having occurred. However, these types of actions have been going on for hundreds of years and few are pursued in the Courts due to a variety of reasons. To pursue them is to relive them and this could become counter-productive. The issue of rape is extremely difficult for all concerned to deal with.
    Indeed

    (Original post by Viva Emptiness)
    The bruises don't have to last until the trial...?! They just have to take photos of them.



    So are you both really telling OP, a victim of rape, to not bother going to the police?
    I'm not saying don't try - I'm just warning not to get hopes up for a prosecution befitting of the crime. Plus in my experience the police have been bloody useless anyway

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    You were raped. I'm so sorry you had to experience something so horrible, I can't imagine how traumatic that must have been

    Do you have a trusted family member you can go to for support?
    If so, please find it in you to tell them what happened. It will help you.

    Okay, now. Even though this might be scary, I must insist that you need to take photographs of the bruises, your face in it would be more likely to help your cause. You should also take photographs of any other evidence you have and put the clothes you were wearing into plastic bags - do not wash them if you haven't already. Go with a trusted person, or on your own if you don't have anyone, to a police station. Make a full report of who this person was and everything you can disclose about him. You should also make sure you see your GP/go to the hospital to make sure you get any damage seen to.

    This was not your fault, you are a victim of a serious crime and you should go and turn him in as soon as you can. I know it will be horrible, but if he is out there doing this to people it's really important that someone comes forward to report him. You might help any other victims of his as well. If you need any further support or help, don't hesitate to reply or keep this thread open, or send me a PM. I imagine Viva Emptiness would do the same. It is so important that you do not feel as though this is your fault - you did not give consent, you did not deserve for this to happen to you. I'm just so sorry and wish I could give you a hug. Just because you didn't use violence against him doesn't mean this wasn't rape. You said stop - that's clear enough to someone who cares about consent. He clearly does not.
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    (Original post by PandaCalavera)
    You were raped. I'm so sorry you had to experience something so horrible, I can't imagine how traumatic that must have been

    Do you have a trusted family member you can go to for support?
    If so, please find it in you to tell them what happened. It will help you.

    Okay, now. Even though this might be scary, I must insist that you need to take photographs of the bruises, your face in it would be more likely to help your cause. You should also take photographs of any other evidence you have and put the clothes you were wearing into plastic bags - do not wash them if you haven't already. Go with a trusted person, or on your own if you don't have anyone, to a police station. Make a full report of who this person was and everything you can disclose about him. You should also make sure you see your GP/go to the hospital to make sure you get any damage seen to.

    This was not your fault, you are a victim of a serious crime and you should go and turn him in as soon as you can. I know it will be horrible, but if he is out there doing this to people it's really important that someone comes forward to report him. You might help any other victims of his as well. If you need any further support or help, don't hesitate to reply or keep this thread open, or send me a PM. I imagine Viva Emptiness would do the same. It is so important that you do not feel as though this is your fault - you did not give consent, you did not deserve for this to happen to you. I'm just so sorry and wish I could give you a hug. Just because you didn't use violence against him doesn't mean this wasn't rape. You said stop - that's clear enough to someone who cares about consent. He clearly does not.
    This. I am so sorry this happened, and it might be hard, but the sooner you take action the higher chance there is of making sure this monster doesn't hurt anyone else.

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    I'm sorry you had to experience that, do not for a second blame yourself, none of it was your fault. You didn't have to do more to push him off, he did not have your consent. I suggest you file a report with the police or if you would rather speak to someone on the phone first contact Rape Crisis on Freephone 0808 802 9999.
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    It definitely seems like rape to me. You should contact the authorities.
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    (Original post by PandaCalavera)
    You were raped. I'm so sorry you had to experience something so horrible, I can't imagine how traumatic that must have been

    Do you have a trusted family member you can go to for support?
    If so, please find it in you to tell them what happened. It will help you.

    Okay, now. Even though this might be scary, I must insist that you need to take photographs of the bruises, your face in it would be more likely to help your cause. You should also take photographs of any other evidence you have and put the clothes you were wearing into plastic bags - do not wash them if you haven't already. Go with a trusted person, or on your own if you don't have anyone, to a police station. Make a full report of who this person was and everything you can disclose about him. You should also make sure you see your GP/go to the hospital to make sure you get any damage seen to.

    This was not your fault, you are a victim of a serious crime and you should go and turn him in as soon as you can. I know it will be horrible, but if he is out there doing this to people it's really important that someone comes forward to report him. You might help any other victims of his as well. If you need any further support or help, don't hesitate to reply or keep this thread open, or send me a PM. I imagine Viva Emptiness would do the same. It is so important that you do not feel as though this is your fault - you did not give consent, you did not deserve for this to happen to you. I'm just so sorry and wish I could give you a hug. Just because you didn't use violence against him doesn't mean this wasn't rape. You said stop - that's clear enough to someone who cares about consent. He clearly does not.
    Agreed
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    Yes that counts as rape. It doesn't have to be a physical fight, but you were very clear you didn't want to and that you wanted to stop and you were pushing him away. report him please, and I really hope you can get through this and that it doesn't affect you too much...
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    As a victim, it is never your fault! If someone burgled your home the police wouldn't come over and say, "oh well your locks weren't secure enough so it's your fault, see ya later" would they? You should definitely talk to the police or someone with authority.

    Basically, you were raped.
 
 
 
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