I'm unhappy with life

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    Hi everyone, I've never posted on this website before but I'm kind of looking for someone to cheer me up, my life seems like it has been a bit of a joke.I'm 18 and at uni, and am extremely bitter about how my life has gone.

    I was raised by my single mum, who split up with my dad when I was <5. My dad has always thought I'm autistic (I'm not), so I don't get on with him very well since he treats me like I am.

    Most my life I didn't do well at school, barely passed GCSEs and got expelled, thought it was because I was thick but it turns out it was just due to depression.Lot of shouting went on at home, and I was pretty scared of my mum until I grew much bigger than her and then I just threatened/shouted at her until she left

    Almost got a job at 16, but decided to try doing A levels and did a complete 180, got better than A*A*AA (not being specific here) at A level after being predicted DDDD, obviously didn't matter since my uni applications were completely messed up due to GCSEs(don't want to be obnoxious but it was very clear I learnt stuff far faster than anyone else, which feels very weird after failing school for years).

    The thing which really annoys me though, is that I'm not actually a nice person and a complete mess mentally (although i hide it well in real life).
    I'll list a few things I'm unhappy with:

    I almost exclusively get turned on by people (older than 18) getting beat up/bullied/crying in non sexual situations (don't masturbate to this though and feel horrible about it)

    Don't trust anyone at all and avoid people unless it's necessary, even though I'm not socially awkward

    Can become extremely aggressive/fired up in a few seconds over stupid **** (never used to be like this, never hit anyone apart from in self defence)

    I used to cry a lot when I was younger, but now I don't really ever get upset and just ignore stuff subconciously

    It's kind of stupid but I wish I did as well as I could of at school, especially when seeing the 12 trillion private/grammar schooled kids here

    I'm not remotely happy with how I am. Kind of hoping someone can cheer me up somehow? I'm just very miserable.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, I've never posted on this website before but I'm kind of looking for someone to cheer me up, my life seems like it has been a bit of a joke.I'm 18 and at uni, and am extremely bitter about how my life has gone.

    I was raised by my single mum, who split up with my dad when I was <5. My dad has always thought I'm autistic (I'm not), so I don't get on with him very well since he treats me like I am.

    Most my life I didn't do well at school, barely passed GCSEs and got expelled, thought it was because I was thick but it turns out it was just due to depression.Lot of shouting went on at home, and I was pretty scared of my mum until I grew much bigger than her and then I just threatened/shouted at her until she left

    Almost got a job at 16, but decided to try doing A levels and did a complete 180, got better than A*A*AA (not being specific here) at A level after being predicted DDDD, obviously didn't matter since my uni applications were completely messed up due to GCSEs(don't want to be obnoxious but it was very clear I learnt stuff far faster than anyone else, which feels very weird after failing school for years).

    The thing which really annoys me though, is that I'm not actually a nice person and a complete mess mentally (although i hide it well in real life).
    I'll list a few things I'm unhappy with:

    I almost exclusively get turned on by people (older than 18) getting beat up/bullied/crying in non sexual situations (don't masturbate to this though and feel horrible about it)

    Don't trust anyone at all and avoid people unless it's necessary, even though I'm not socially awkward

    Can become extremely aggressive/fired up in a few seconds over stupid **** (never used to be like this, never hit anyone apart from in self defence)

    I used to cry a lot when I was younger, but now I don't really ever get upset and just ignore stuff subconciously

    It's kind of stupid but I wish I did as well as I could of at school, especially when seeing the 12 trillion private/grammar schooled kids here

    I'm not remotely happy with how I am. Kind of hoping someone can cheer me up somehow? I'm just very miserable.
    This sounds really difficult. Have you seen any support services at your uni about this at all? I'm assuming you're seeing your GP (if not this is even better!) but they can do a lot to help, both with how your mental health affects study and your everyday life. It does vary place to place but you should be able to access counselling at least, many do more though. Other than that there's the samaritans and people you can talk to- in general I'd say that keeping everything in is rarely as good as it seems. Opening up can be incredibly hard but worth it if you can. Hope things work out eventually for you either way
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    if you wanna change your behaviour then work on yourself, when you feel like getting super angry and exploding try resisting etc.
 
 
 
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