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So, there's this guy, OR how to stop yourself jumping someone once you're tipsy

I've been obsessing over this situation for a while now and my friends are no use since they're not objective, plus they might tell him... So I need objective, honest advice. Tough Love, baby!
And I apologise in advance for the length...

So there’s this guy (of course, it’s always a guy.. or a girl.. or a goat.). I met him at a youth conference about a year and a half ago, and we hit it off bigtime. Intelligence is a huge turn-on for me (I mean that pretty literally, a debate/argument will get me hotter than a candlelit dinner), and we spent the entire first night in the club fiercely arguing :biggrin:

. Plus, he’s y’know, cute and sweet and funny too. It was one of those odd things where we just kind of knew that we were very alike, especially mentally, we really seemed to be on the same level.. So, being teens, we hooked up the second night. :love:

The next day the conference was over and we each went home(He lived about 450km away from me), but exchanged numbers and MSN etc to keep in touch, which we actually did. I even organised a get-together of the clique we had at the youth conference (which included my best friends from my school, who had met him the year before already) so we could see each other again (yes, more making out J ). But we knew the long-distance thing was pretty much impossible since we’re both very ambitious in our schoolwork, coupled with a killing high-school programme (IB), finals etc. So after a while, we just kind of dropped the romantic aspect because it was a little bit of a sore area. I started dating a guy from my school, but we still chatted over msn all the time and called each other frequently for arguing J. We even went interrailing together last summer with our little clique of friends (nothing happened). Then all last year he’s been in Bejing learning Mandarin in his gap year while I’ve taken exams, always still in touch.

Now this week we had organised a reunion of sorts for our little social group, with him and I having been the moving forces behind it. I have to admit I’ve never really forgotten our romantic involvement, I’m single, he’s single, but our friendship is very very strong. Then the first night of this week we were standing in the kitchen and he suddenly put his arms around my waist from behind and intertwines our fingers, and the rest of the night our fingers were kind of lightly stroking each other. I responded to the finger-footsie, but didn’t initiate anything myself for reasons further explained below.Nothing else happens, or has happened since.

Here’s the problem part: I’m pretty sure he likes me, and I’m pretty sure I like him. But I’m leaving for McGill in Montreal on the 24th and basically won’t see him for 8 months, and he’s off to LSE in London (see how smart? *sigh*) a week after that. He’s only here til Thursday. This means no potential for a relationship, even a long-distance one (Hey, we’re 18 and 19, let’s be realistic). If this were any other guy, I’d say “screw it”, we’d have a couple of few days of fun and part as friends, no strings attached. But this guy.. I know that if we started something, my feelings are thus that it couldn’t be just casual. But if there’s any sort of drama or screw-up or something, I could lose one of my best friends and best verbal/intellectual sparring partners. On the other hand, I really like him... And it’s getting harder and harder, especially while tipsy, to not just jump him. But is it really worth it to place myself in the way of potential (or pretty certain) pining, hurt and general unhappiness for that? :dontknow:

Just post your gut reaction, cause I really need to get outside my own head..

Reply 1

ThirdCultureKid

OP

;please; , someone, help?

Reply 2

Ang|ophi|e

12

First off, find out what he thinks. Does he want a LDR or just to be friends? Talk to him about your feelings. I'm sure he has feelings for you too. See if anything can work out between you both. If not now...but later? But if LDR isn't what he wants, just remain friends. You did it before.

Personally my gut feelings say LDR, then again I'm not too fond of LDRs to be honest. But the fact that you guys get on really well makes me think it would be a shame to waste on what could have happened. Just go for it.

Reply 3

ThirdCultureKid

OP

Thanks for the advice. I admit I am afraid that I'll regret "what might have been", but is it really worth it to start college with your heart pre-broken, if even by the distance?

Then again, I'm the kind of person that when confronted with "it's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all" will go ".....eh?"

Reply 4

Ang|ophi|e

12

I say GO. For all you know this person could be "The One". [If you believe in that stuff.]

Besides, a guy won't grab your hands etc., and have meaningful conversations with a girl if he doesn't like her.

Reply 5

ThirdCultureKid

OP

Heh, you have a point there.. :wink:

Ah, *****it.. If I like this guy after a year-and-a-half of only seeing each other a few times, this obviously isn't going away.

Reply 6

kitty_koo

12

i agree with what anglophile said: you should talk all this through with him before you go, you dont want to regret not acting and wondering what could've been. If you decide to do this good luck and i hope it goes well! :hugs:

Reply 7

cupandspoon

Although i think LDRs are really hard to keep going and only work with regular contact.

Reply 8

ThirdCultureKid

OP

I know! Coupled with the fact that I am a very.. shall we say... physical person. Just now it's been three months and I'm going out of my freaking mind. But an open relationship? Fuggedaboudit. I don't think I could sleep with someone else, and I certainly couldn't handle him doing it. Gahd.

Reply 9

cupandspoon

ThirdCultureKid

I know! Coupled with the fact that I am a very.. shall we say... physical person. Just now it's been three months and I'm going out of my freaking mind. But an open relationship? Fuggedaboudit. I don't think I could sleep with someone else, and I certainly couldn't handle him doing it. Gahd.

Haha so true. Plus being drunk usually makes me more sexually attracted to anyone! therefore if he's not there and you get drunk etc... could you wait?!

Reply 10

ThirdCultureKid

OP

The first month, maybe... But after six months, nothing but skype and msn and another two months to go....

Yeah, judgement impaired, beer goggles in place, raging libido?

yeaaaaah... No.

Reply 11

cleverer_than_you

LSE is **** man, he can't be that clever.

just **** his brains out.

Reply 12

DodgyTrousers

7

If I were you, no I wouldn't do anything. If you could leave it as just sex and a good laugh, then yeah, noone gets hurt. As you say though, it may well be more than that and I think setting yourself (and him) up for a LDR is just going to hurt in the long run. Yeah, they can work, but even when they do they are hard and you'll be freaking out over ever other girl he mentions in passing.

So, there's this guy, OR how to stop yourself jumping someone once you're tipsy

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