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what would you do in this situation? watch

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    anon because it is embarrassing for all involved and people i know use this forum.

    i've just found out that an ex boyfriend of mine, who has a girlfriend that he was been with for half a year or so, has been showing his friends a sex video and naked photos which they made together (presumably on his phone). she doesn't know about it. i don't really want to get involved as i don't speak to him or her much, but what do you think this means? would you say this is a terrible thing to do? should she dump him? should somebody tell her? what would you do if your boyfriend (or girlfriend) started showing nude pictures and videos of you to their friends? do you think this shows a lack of respect?

    i think i'm just really shocked as when i was with him, we thought about doing this but then recided not to, as he was worried that a video could get into the wrong hands (his words to me: "i don't want to do it, because if we break up and hate each other, i might show it to people, and i don't want to do that" - sort of anticipating the future, but i suppose he at least respected me enough to think about this...)

    i do feel like i should keep my nose out, but i am so embarrassed for this poor girl...

    anyway, what do people think?
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    Oh wow... That's tough.

    If I were the girlfriend, I would want someone to tell me so I could confront my BF about it. OTOH, coming from an ex-girlfriend, you risk not only being seen as meddling, but downright trying to sabotage the relationship or something.

    Is it possible you could get someone else who knows about the situation to inform the girlfriend? That way she's aware of the situation, and you sleep easier at night knowing that a) she now knows and can confront the scumbag (yes, he's a scumbag for acting like an immature preteen in regards to sex and making his girlfriend pay the social price) and b) you didn't meddle in their relationship per se.

    ETA: but that's just my two cents worth..
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    (Original post by ThirdCultureKid)
    Oh wow... That's tough.

    If I were the girlfriend, I would want someone to tell me so I could confront my BF about it. OTOH, coming from an ex-girlfriend, you risk not only being seen as meddling, but downright trying to sabotage the relationship or something.

    Is it possible you could get someone else who knows about the situation to inform the girlfriend? That way she's aware of the situation, and you sleep easier at night knowing that a) she now knows and can confront the scumbag (yes, he's a scumbag for acting like an immature preteen in regards to sex and making his girlfriend pay the social price) and b) you didn't meddle in their relationship per se.

    ETA: but that's just my two cents worth..
    i'm certainly not going to say anything to her and feel really meddling just posting this! the thing is that i don't know her, and me and my ex had an awful break up, and she knows about this (he didn't cheat on me with her but did replace me very past and so i have a lot of resentment towards her) and so it woldn't be right to say anything.

    nobody i know really knows her... she's very very shy and hard to talk to. even though i know people who see them together often, nobody is friends with her as she's so quiet (another reason i think she'd hate the fact that a lot of his friends have seen her boobs and worse)!

    i suppose i am asking more if this is an awful thing to do. i doubt it would get back round to her. i am just shocked that he would do this, really, as he wouldn't have done it to me? i don't see why somebody would do something so vulgar and invasive. i'm really shocked... why would you do that to somebody you loved?
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    I really don't know why some people feel the need to do that kind of thing.. That *beat chest see how cool I am ugga ugga Look what I'm bangin'* kind of thing.. It's immature and disgusting, and clearly indicated he's not exactly emotionally involved in the relationship.

    Frankly I think you should consider yourself extremely lucky (and v. smart!) for having avoided that particular pratfall as I agree from what you've said, it could easily have been you. The guy's in essence distilling what should be a craing, loving relationship with a girl to "a piece of ass", which he moreover feels the need to share. Bah.

    I agree that there's no way, especially given your history, that you should get involved, because invariably it'll reflect badly on you. If you really feel you're morally obligated to do something,even though you're not exactly fond of the girl, I'd see if there was any way for her to find out (friend telling her etc) without any mention of or connection to you. But if you really don't feel terrible, I think I'd actually let it lie. Sure, it's horrid the way she's being treated but she sure won't thank you for pointing it out.
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    (Original post by ThirdCultureKid)
    I really don't know why some people feel the need to do that kind of thing.. That *beat chest see how cool I am ugga ugga Look what I'm bangin'* kind of thing.. It's immature and disgusting, and clearly indicated he's not exactly emotionally involved in the relationship.

    Frankly I think you should consider yourself extremely lucky (and v. smart!) for having avoided that particular pratfall as I agree from what you've said, it could easily have been you. The guy's in essence distilling what should be a craing, loving relationship with a girl to "a piece of ass", which he moreover feels the need to share. Bah.

    I agree that there's no way, especially given your history, that you should get involved, because invariably it'll reflect badly on you. If you really feel you're morally obligated to do something,even though you're not exactly fond of the girl, I'd see if there was any way for her to find out (friend telling her etc) without any mention of or connection to you. But if you really don't feel terrible, I think I'd actually let it lie. Sure, it's horrid the way she's being treated but she sure won't thank you for pointing it out.
    i don't know either. i know for a fact that he respected me, but i feel really bad for her. this girl doesn't know half the stuff that happens behind her back - he tells his friends all sorts of things about their sex life (some very weird and kinky and really not stuff she'd want anyone to know). she's been shocked in the past to find out that his friends and their friends know all about that type of thing. but i think this is a hundred times worse.

    i doubt i will say anything to anybody but it makes me very angry. he is such an idiot. he is obviously scared of commitment and feelings, why else would you do that? he's told people that he wants to cheat on her before, that type of thing.

    i would just be so mortified if this was me... i know i should keep out of it though.
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    Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you want to know if your bf was doing that to you? The answer: YES. Sure getting involved isn't the best thing, but this girl deserves to know. Her bf, your ex is in the wrong. Have someone else tell her if you don't want to.
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    (Original post by Ang|ophi|e)
    Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you want to know if your bf was doing that to you? The answer: YES. Sure getting involved isn't the best thing, but this girl deserves to know. Her bf, your ex is in the wrong. Have someone else tell her if you don't want to.
    i know. i feel awful but i have only heard about this through his friends. of course i would want to know if this was me, but i think the situation is different as nobody really knows her well enough (she's very shy and standoffish). they've been together for half a year and nobody (in my group of friends) has got to know her at all, even though they've been on holiday with her and stuff. i just don't see who i could get to tell her. i don't really know what to do :confused:
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    So really you want to meddle in THEIR relationship, probably because you're still mad at him and don't want to see him with another girl? Seen that before...
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    (Original post by ssk2)
    So really you want to meddle in THEIR relationship, probably because you're still mad at him and don't want to see him with another girl? Seen that before...
    i AM still very angry with him for things that i don't really want to go into. but i don't need you making assumptions like that, thanks. as i've said, i am not going to say anything because i don't want to get involved, and that i don't think anybody would actually tell her because nobody really knows her. so there will be no "meddling" going on. he can do what he likes. it does pain me to see him messing this girl about, but i'm not going to get personally involved AT ALL.

    i am just shocked i suppose, and came on here to ask others what they think.

    i don't need you making assumptions like that, thanks, i was just asking others what they thought about what HE has done. i know that this situation is nothing to do with me, which is why i'm asking on here instead of gossiping with friends about it.
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    I would say do nothing. It's not your problem, you're right that you shouldn't get involved. I happened to know that my ex's new girlfriend had cheated on him a couple of months into the relationship, but I said nothing, it is not my place, and they are still together. Yes she's a cheating **** but that is nothing to do with me, and I am sure it will all come out eventually. You have to look at it the same, IMO, yes he's being reall immature and insensitive, but she will find out eventually, and by staying out of it you avoid any unpleasant suspicion that you just wanted them to split because you are bitter.
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    One way or another she WILL find out and he WILL get what he deserves. Getting involved in this is very bad as whatever happens you will probably make enemies of both of them, as another poster has said, it will be seen as interfering out of spite.

    Just sit back and watch, he is being very cocky and sooner rather than later it will come out. At that point you can sit back and laugh at him.
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    (Original post by bishman)
    One way or another she WILL find out and he WILL get what he deserves. Getting involved in this is very bad as whatever happens you will probably make enemies of both of them, as another poster has said, it will be seen as interfering out of spite.

    Just sit back and watch, he is being very cocky and sooner rather than later it will come out. At that point you can sit back and laugh at him.
    good advice i think. although i am really embarrassed for her, it is nothing to do with me. if i was a friend to her, i'd say something, but i'm not, so i'll leave it.

    i do hope he gets what he deserves! i suppose he will one day. :confused:
 
 
 
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