I feel like I'm not important to him - please help

(please keep this anon as my bf uses this site)

I've been going out with my bf for 4 months now. He's extremely busy all the time with various activities - he plays tennis ALL the time (as in, 4 days a week) and helps out at a youth group which means he has to organise activites etc, as well as go to their meetings. On top of this he's a school prefect so he has loads of school responsibilities like dinners and events he has to attend. He also needs to work a lot harder than me to get the grades he wants, so this takes up a lot of his time (I'm lucky in that I find I have to do a lot less work than others to get good grades - bah that sounded arrogant, sorry).

It's not as if I haven't got a life away from him - I've got a Sunday job, do quite a bit of drama related stuff in school, as well as obviously having other friends (it's just they live quite far away from me, my best friend lives an hour and a half away, so I can't see them on school nights). However he lives round the corner from me.

When we started going out I was fine with just seeing him in the evenings as we were still at school and couldn't see each other in the daytime. However this summer, and weekends, he never seems to be able to make time in the day for me - it's like I come after all the other activities he does.

This makes me feel, quite frankly, like absolute crap as I feel like I'm just a nice evening diversion for him -whereas he's so important to me. He says he loves me, and I've tried to talk to him about this, but all he says is that he can't put me before the other activities because he HAS to do them. I really love him and I don't want to give up on him but I'm just feeling so used by him atm.

Sorry for the long post. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.

Reply 1

Beckysparkle

would you be able to go to the activities with him?

Reply 2

lazzyfuzzylou

could you maybe try to organise things for the time you DO have together, so it feels like you're really making use of it?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I couldn't go to his school stuff, or his tennis as he plays competitively at a very high standard (which I'm not at!) Regarding the youth group - I did try to volunteer, but my brother's a member of the group and apparently you can't join in a senior position if you would be holding authority over a sibling :frown:

Reply 4

The Bishman

You must have known it would be like this before you went out with him.
It seems unfair to say your feeling used as he has those repsonsibilites.

Reply 5

JudeX

To be honest I cant see a problem - if youre seeing him most evenings then fair enough. Why do you need to see him during the day all the time aswell?

Im not saying youre wrong for feeling this way - obviously its bothering you, in which case maybe you should mention it to him and just say you'd like to spend a bit more time with him etc. Just bear in mind its healthy to have other interests and have a life outside of your relationship. Good luck.

Reply 6

stimmo

Sounds like you kinda want different things. Me and my girlfriend kinda split up about something very similar not too long ago.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I forgot to say that in the evenings, we don't go out or do anything - we just stay in one of our bedrooms. That's why it feels like he can't be bothered to do anything with me, just sit there.

Reply 8

toddlers crossword

well maybe you should suggest some stuff to do in the evenings, go and see a film, go out for a meal etc. if hes doing all this tennis and stuff hed prob be too tired to do anything too energetic *lol that sounds dodgy* but you can just do relaxing stuff like that. is he actually busy ALL day - surely he cant be studying or doing prefect stuff in the holidays? maybe you could plan a couple of days away together if you can find a time you're both free, so you have something to look forward to, or find an activity you can share together, suggest swimming or something.

Reply 9

username47781

Simple, talk to him about it.

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