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Coming out: Your stories

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    So as today is national coming out day I thought it would maybe be helpful to share stories on it.

    When did you come out and how did you do it?
    Was it better or worse than you expected? How did people react?
    What advice would you give someone scared of coming out?

    Feel free to ask other questions too if there's things you want to know! Hopefully we can make someone feel a bit more confident about their sexuality, or how other people perceive it.

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    I never thought I would have to come out. I had always dated guys, and that's the way I thought it would stay. But then I met someone of the same sex who I fell completely in love with and I knew that I didn't want to be without them. I told quite a lot of my friends as I felt comfortable with them, but it took me about 6 months to tell my mum as she is quite traditional. She reacted really well, a lot better than expected initially. However after a few months I think she realised this wasn't just a 'phase' and I really was in love and it wasn't going to go away. We had a few arguments but then things improved again. She is so much more understanding again now, and things are definitely on the up. Everyone else I told, especially my age, barely batted an eye lid - most people are completely fine with it and wonder why you have to 'come out', love is love after all
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    (Original post by furryface12)
    So as today is national coming out day I thought it would maybe be helpful to share stories on it.

    When did you come out and how did you do it?
    Was it better or worse than you expected? How did people react?
    What advice would you give someone scared of coming out?

    Feel free to ask other questions too if there's things you want to know! Hopefully we can make someone feel a bit more confident about their sexuality, or how other people perceive it.

    You can post anonymously in this thread
    worse than I expected it's partially why my parents said a few days ago that I'm 'no longer part of the family'
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    (Original post by BurstingBubbles)
    I never thought I would have to come out. I had always dated guys, and that's the way I thought it would stay. But then I met someone of the same sex who I fell completely in love with and I knew that I didn't want to be without them. I told quite a lot of my friends as I felt comfortable with them, but it took me about 6 months to tell my mum as she is quite traditional. She reacted really well, a lot better than expected initially. However after a few months I think she realised this wasn't just a 'phase' and I really was in love and it wasn't going to go away. We had a few arguments but then things improved again. She is so much more understanding again now, and things are definitely on the up. Everyone else I told, especially my age, barely batted an eye lid - most people are completely fine with it and wonder why you have to 'come out', love is love after all
    I'm glad it went well for you! It is hard for people to accept sometimes, particularly older generations and more traditional people but hopefully this will improve over time. If you think how far it's come in the last 50 years hopefully another 50 will be even better! I agree with having to come out at all- I hope that in the future it will just be a thing of the past, and people can be with whoever they want without restriction

    (Original post by *SweaterWeather*)
    worse than I expected it's partially why my parents said a few days ago that I'm 'no longer part of the family'
    Really sorry it went so badly for you, that's a horrible thing to happen not too sure what to say if I'm honest. Am always around if talking would help though- might not have a lot to say but I'm very happy to be a listening ear.
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    (Original post by *SweaterWeather*)
    worse than I expected it's partially why my parents said a few days ago that I'm 'no longer part of the family'
    People can change, my mum would say things like "what did I do wrong?" and horrible things, but as she began to accept it, she is so much better now
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    I did it in stages.
    I came out first online, on TSR. Then after I grew comfortable talking about it to strangers on the internet I told some people in college.
    Then I told my sister and aunt. By this point I think I was no longer ashamed.
    I told my grandmother who cried at first and was emotional for weeks but eventually, surprisingly, accepted it. I think she had to. Because I was the only family member who was there for her at the time, she couldn't really abandon me.

    Now, it's no longer a big deal. So I try to just be open and not put power in the act of coming out. I realise it means much more to me than it does others.

    I had varied responses. Most were positive.

    Do it when you feel ready. Consider the repercussions and just brave whatever the outcome may be. I did lose some religious friends. It's not always pretty. I know people like to say that no-one cares. Most people probably don't but each situation is different so don't feel pressured.
    #1

    TBH, I really don't no anything about my orientation except for th fact that I'm not straight. I think I'm ace, but I'm not sure because I do feel attracted to guys, sometimes... Asa Butterfield, ugh. But I'm definitely not coming out to my parents, they're Asian and very conservative. My mum keeps yelling at me for being "effeminate." I hate it.In fact, I ave a list of unis, Cambridge, LSE, UCL, any Ivy League etc. If I make it to any of these, I'll come out to them. And to be fair, I might. Scared.
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    I think people here know I'm Gay but I'm in Yr11 and no one knows, i wanna get my Qualifications first and move out before I tell anyone.
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    2 of my 7 are gay. I always knew they were. They didn't need to come out to me.
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    A lot of people here on TSR don’t know tbh

    I’m bisexual
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    I did a personality test , a few weeks ago, according to which I'm 33.3% female 33.3% male and 33.3% queer male.
    So I guess this is me coming out.
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    Happy national coming out day!

    Ever since I was little, I had crushes on both boys and girls. It never really occured to me that it was any different than anyone else and I just carried on with my life. When I was 13 or 14, I had this really big thing for a female friend of mine. I asked her out, got turned down, and was pretty devastated. It was after that that it kind of clicked to me that I was bi. I started talking to girls online and really started to learn about who I was. Soon after, I started telling my friends. When I was about 15, I had become pretty open about it. I never told my parents, but I don't think I need to. I know my dad suspects I like women, and my mum believes in just being able to bring a partner of any gender home to meet the family. I'll be nervous if I introduce a girlfriend to them, but I think it'll work out

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    I always kinda knew that I always attracted to girls but just put it in the back of my head and never really accepted it, it drove me insane and I was borderline depressed. I was really confused for so long because there were periods where I thought I was "gay" if i liked a girl or "straight" if i liked a guy but then I was like I'm deffo bi. I was about 16 when I first accepted it to myself and "came out" really casually to this friend of mine who was telling me she was feeling the same in y12. Since then I've told all my closest friends and they have been so supportive and went so much better than I thought. I know I won't be able to tell my parents because they're religious and it won't be "accepted" which is sad because I have to hide such a big part of my identity. I still won't tell people unless asked because honestly I don't understand why sexual orientation should matter. My advice would be to start off telling one person or talking in an internet forum and just know that you are not alone.
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    I started liking girls at around 13 and I didn't even know homosexuality/bisexuality existed at the time so I thought something was wrong with me and I told nobody about it. I gradually did learn more about bisexuality and I ended up telling my friends in Year 12 (they didn't really care thankfully). I still haven't told my parents because they're traditional and religious. I know for a fact my grandparents would have a heart attack if I told them. My sisters know I'm bi and they don't really care either.
    #2

    Sorry that I have to post anoymously because I haven't come out yet...Still feel scary about coming out because l don't think my parents can accept the facet that I am bisexual. They would probably say: Oh, then you can still find a boyfriend... (I am a girl,btw...)
    How did you guys tell your frends? Talk to them face to face? On social media?
    Really confused these days.
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    Copied and pasted from another thread, with an extra paragraph added at the end :yep:


    Really nice to see the TSR mods initiating and backing such a thread - makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! :love:

    I wouldn't exactly say I've come out properly. Out of my nuclear family, my mum knows that I currently identify as a lesbian (well, technically heteroromantic lesbian, but that's too long and wordy and difficult to explain :lol: ) and I think my older sister has some vague idea but nothing concrete. I can't remember what I have/haven't said to my younger sister and my dad has no clue (and I intend to keep it that way for the rest of his life if at all possible :eek: ). My priest knows (it didn't really surprise him and he didn't really care, as in he didn't make a thing of it) and has been really supportive. Some TSR soc chat threads know and some of my close IRL friends know...

    I'd just like to share my story of how my mum came to know because I think it might help others :yep: For context, I come from an ethnically-Sinhalese (Sri Lankan), conservative Roman Catholic family. My parents emigrated here in the 1970s. My mum is over 60, is very religious and homophobic and doesn't believe in gay marriage at all :nah:

    So for some reason one day about 2 years ago, my mum decided to bring up the topic of my sexuality whilst I was dyeing her hair (so I couldn't escape)!!! :headfire: It was incredibly awkward and unexpected and I didn't really know what to say. I kinda beat around the bush a lot without using the word lesbian but made it obvious that that's what I am (I think I said something about being terrified of penises or something :rofl: ) :eek: I knew my mum wouldn't disown me (that's not her style) but I was expecting her to be angry or very upset... possibly even to hit me?! I dunno, it was all very unexpected and I would have never had that conversation with her had she not instigated it, so I'm not sure how I would have expected her to react, prior to us having the conversation?!?!? :dontknow:

    Ultimately, whilst my mum wasn't exactly thrilled by the news, she wasn't cruel or unkind or anything, and she said two things that gave me a lot of hope for the future. The first thing she said was that my dad - if he ever has to find out - would get over it eventually. This was such a huge relief to hear coz I honestly was terrified that my dad would be really upset and never get over it/never let me live it down. The second thing my mum said was that I could live with/even marry a woman but that we just couldn't invite or tell the family, and would have to tell them that I'm living with "a friend".

    Now before loads of you jump down my mum's throat with the whole "she's asking you to live a lie" shiz: re-read my contextual info paragraph. Never in a million years would I have expected my mum to say that I could live with another woman, let alone marry one! I have no intention of being in a relationship or marrying anyone in the future, but to hear that my mum would accept/let me marry(ing) a woman means SO much to me, words cannot express it :love:

    I hope this gives any religious Asian LGBT people out there some small hope

    I came out today on Facebook to everyone bar the Sri Lankan community. Got over 100 likes/loves on my status


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    I never did formally "come out". I didn't see a reason to. If straight people don't have to announce their sexuality then neither should I haha. People find out as they ask / as it becomes relevant. I don't have a mental list of who knows/who doesn't. I just know I haven't mentioned anything to my parents, simply because it's never needed to be said. But if they were to ask me directly I wouldn't lie.

    Considering I've been writing LGBT fiction for a decade now, I imagine they know anyway. But if I get the position (LGBT Officer) I'm running for right now in the student association I guess tomorrow will be the day to clarify I'm pansexual. Otherwise... when I bring a girl home unless they ask me? Haha.
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    I realized I was asexual a couple of years ago when I saw a youtube video about it and was like "huh. That fits me perfectly."
    I don't really tell people though, because I feel like they're not really gonna care that I'm not having sex with people. Tales about having sex are SO much more interesting...

    I came out as bi around last christmas though. My parents don't know but I just haven't gotten around to telling them. It's not a huge deal, and I know they'll react well, I'm just going to wait until I start dating someone. They don't need to know about the asexual thing though, because I don't really wanna talk about my lack of sex life with my parents.

    Happy (late) Coming Out Day!
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    I mean, my parents still don't know

    I "came out" to my flatmates last week after coming home from sleeping with a guy

    (no one gives a ****, it really doesn't matter who you sleep with to other people)
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