I don't know how I feel these days.

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I was anxious as a teenager as was bullied badly at school but still happy with life with some "woe is me" moments in the sense that the bullying affected my self esteem so I felt insecure and didn't put myself into certain situations which could of improved me life be it get a job or get a girlfriend so felt like I was a little hard done by.

    Despite that I enjoyed what I had but each year felt more and more like time was running out if not already past it in sense people I went to school with were in jobs, often settled down if not having kids (and that was by time I was 22)

    I then had a horrific experience when a family member was murdered when I was 22 and have never fully recovered as it changed my mindset to waiting for failure in life than expected to suceed but work hard to get there, I dropped out of uni/college almost yearly basis (including this year it looks like)

    In past 2 years things have settled as I now reaching my 30s so on one hand I am far better than I ever was but on another hand worse than I was when I was feeling low.

    Im not sure if thats because lets say on a scale of 1-100 the 100 being the best, if I was at 60 a few years ago and getting worse and 50 now but stable it still means a few years ago I was at a higher level of happiness even if it was going down constantly.

    The biggest issues now is I put on a huge amount of weight over the years, I am of course much older and in a position I should of been 10 years ago in life i.e not working (and out of work for years meaning its much harder) and the years of broken sleep and sleeping bad hours means I struggle to get up early and if I can I feel spaced out all day, or at the very least I feel little emotion or motivation as years ago I loved going for a walk even if it was to town centre and window shopping a few hours and this was every day, I went to local park, I may of gone to pub in late teens for 1 drink and sat for 2 hours there was alwyas something to do.

    Now I think whats the point, theres no reason to go for a walk as that means less time in a day, if I go to shops theres no point as I don't need to buy anything, even going for a drink I think "well drink costs money and gives me a hangover therefore theres no point"

    So I see it as muted emotions but I don't technically feel bad nowadays its more I lack motivation to do anything and if I force myself at best I think its ok but the second I stop I don't want to do it again or I end up doing it to excess to the point of no sleep i.e I can go weeks without playing video games and then start about 9pm at night and still be on at 5am even though I am basically asleep, at most with that is next morning I may play again and even if I haven't left the house in days I will be obsessed with the game, then at random not be interested any more.

    That can be used to explain anything in my life, I can go to bed early and get a good nights sleep and not want to get out of bed as thats a single pattern stuck in my head, then when awake not wanting to go back to bed even if I only had 4 hours sleep and may be up 20 hours even if I can barely stand.

    I feel I have run on so much now just wanted to get feelings out there and get some feedback.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    marry someone, they would definitely have a role in helping you be stable in terms of feelings and stuff
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by drbluebox)
    I was anxious as a teenager as was bullied badly at school but still happy with life with some "woe is me" moments in the sense that the bullying affected my self esteem so I felt insecure and didn't put myself into certain situations which could of improved me life be it get a job or get a girlfriend so felt like I was a little hard done by.

    Despite that I enjoyed what I had but each year felt more and more like time was running out if not already past it in sense people I went to school with were in jobs, often settled down if not having kids (and that was by time I was 22)

    I then had a horrific experience when a family member was murdered when I was 22 and have never fully recovered as it changed my mindset to waiting for failure in life than expected to suceed but work hard to get there, I dropped out of uni/college almost yearly basis (including this year it looks like)

    In past 2 years things have settled as I now reaching my 30s so on one hand I am far better than I ever was but on another hand worse than I was when I was feeling low.

    Im not sure if thats because lets say on a scale of 1-100 the 100 being the best, if I was at 60 a few years ago and getting worse and 50 now but stable it still means a few years ago I was at a higher level of happiness even if it was going down constantly.

    The biggest issues now is I put on a huge amount of weight over the years, I am of course much older and in a position I should of been 10 years ago in life i.e not working (and out of work for years meaning its much harder) and the years of broken sleep and sleeping bad hours means I struggle to get up early and if I can I feel spaced out all day, or at the very least I feel little emotion or motivation as years ago I loved going for a walk even if it was to town centre and window shopping a few hours and this was every day, I went to local park, I may of gone to pub in late teens for 1 drink and sat for 2 hours there was alwyas something to do.

    Now I think whats the point, theres no reason to go for a walk as that means less time in a day, if I go to shops theres no point as I don't need to buy anything, even going for a drink I think "well drink costs money and gives me a hangover therefore theres no point"

    So I see it as muted emotions but I don't technically feel bad nowadays its more I lack motivation to do anything and if I force myself at best I think its ok but the second I stop I don't want to do it again or I end up doing it to excess to the point of no sleep i.e I can go weeks without playing video games and then start about 9pm at night and still be on at 5am even though I am basically asleep, at most with that is next morning I may play again and even if I haven't left the house in days I will be obsessed with the game, then at random not be interested any more.

    That can be used to explain anything in my life, I can go to bed early and get a good nights sleep and not want to get out of bed as thats a single pattern stuck in my head, then when awake not wanting to go back to bed even if I only had 4 hours sleep and may be up 20 hours even if I can barely stand.

    I feel I have run on so much now just wanted to get feelings out there and get some feedback.
    You sound like you have a lot of things you need to work through. I think therapy could be really helpful for you to work through it all. You can talk to your doctor about it.
 
 
 
Write a reply… Reply
Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: October 11, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Poll
Which is the best season?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.